Me again...

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Some people might remember me from ages ago (I kind of lost interest in WrongPlanet for a while) where I frequently (in my opinion too frequently) asked about a girl I liked. I think the last one was about her possibly not liking me and most people came to the conclusion that this was the case. Anyway, some new developments and my query (sorry again, but I really do not like taking risks).

Since that encounter (or lack of such) I think it is more likely that she was deciding whether to go to the music room or her friends, and decided on her friends. Besides, several times since we have somehow managed to speak to one another and she seems really really nice. She is really shy at first as well. At a dinner our Classical Studies class went to at an Italian restaurant, she poured me a glass of water (I also found out she was vegetarian and pointed out the vegetarian stuff on the menu for her). We have spoken a few times and she always laughs when I say something intended to at least amuse (I have also made her laugh pretty hard sometimes with some seriously funny stuff). A couple of times recently when in a group, she comes and sits/stands next to me, and I get the impression she is somehow really nervous, shy and careful about it. She frequently responds to something I have said to nobody in particular. I would say that we are acquaintances, and if either of us were more sociable, probably friends. She glances a lot, and once we spent about five seconds quickly looking at each other and away again nervously.

I looked up online as to what were signs of a shy girl liking you, and she seems to have them all (I am aware that every person is different, but I think it is unlikely that none/few of these apply to her). Now my problem is, how do I ask her out, being (I think) love-shy? Every time I get a chance, I feel faint and interestingly, what comes to mind whenever I try is "Why here? Why now?" as if such circumstances are unsuitable (regardless of the actual circumstances). There are only a few days left in the school year before I will not see her till February, and I am wondering if I should wait, if I should try to get to know her really quickly, or ask her about out of school things/visiting each other, which would be really awkward. I wrote a love-letter over the weekend then at the last minute threw it in the bin because it did not seem right. I have been trying to ask a friend to tell her I like her for me, but I am wondering if she will see that is being unconfident (I am capable of mild confidence and stepping out to an extent, it is mainly girls that terrify me) and he keeps encouraging me (he is bad at it, and I think he thinks I just want sex when I want romance).

Reading self-help stuff and philosophically analysing my mind has caused me to come to the conclusion that most of my problems stem from unrequited love, and that it would probably vastly increase my belief in myself if I ever managed to get a relationship with her, because she is what motivates me most, and knowing that I can ask her out would show myself that I can be confident. I think the fear that if she doesn't like me I will lose all motivation (and therefore probably screw up my exams which are very close) is what is stopping me. I tried to get around the "Why here? Why now?" thing by asking her on my birthday (I saved a piece of cake for her much to the disappointment of some of my friends) but then could not find her after school...

Sorry for the long ramble, basically what I am saying is what should I do? I may the person most involved and most knowledgeable about this, but I find it very hard to do something potentially life changing, or talk to girls unless forced to for whatever reason.

You've over analyzed the outcome far too much and build up too many insecurities and fears, even if you're in a relationship with this girl, you'll come across as far too needy and insecure for it to last in the long run and she will ultimately either keep you around as a whipped boyfriend or throw you out when someone better or more of a challenge or prize comes along. You need to start letting go and not caring, tell her you like her, assume that she's going to like you, keep her on her toes and make her feel excited.

I think Wolfheart has answered it perfectly, though I wouldn't really know. I wish I could have formulated such a great response .

Overanalysation! Why do I always need someone else to think of the obvious things... I'll, um, think about that... hopefully not too much. It's a bit ironic actually, because as a sort-of teenage philosopher, I need to think of every possibility, and this seeps into my everyday life, which is not always a good thing (Aspergers' doesn't help, naturally). I really do need to 'just do it', because every time I see her, every possibility explodes in my head and I need to somehow stop those...


I think I can get around that, thinking back, she probably perceives me as fairly confident (though definitely odd, and with a good sense of humour) since I speak up in class, and sometimes talk to other people first (not usually without a good reason though). If we were together, I think I could assume an at least somewhat dominant role... if she wanted it. I feel much more confident when I think of doing things for her sake, and if I feel like "she'd never want me" I usually suck at doing anything.


Although it is very much a possibility, she does not strike me as the sort who does that, though I have guessed people's personalities incorrectly in the past. Though, initially, I thought she was really bad tempered, but it turns out she is just shy and seems to naturally have an intimidating expression (when she approaches a friend this expression suddenly transforms into a very friendly smile). I think she seems more susceptible to abuse, and so I want to protect her. Now I come to think of it, whenever we have some sort of vote in class, she never seems to put her hand up, maybe she is afraid of giving her opinion? ...I'm overanalysing again, aren't I?


Exactly what I have been attempting to do. Maybe a deep breath will help, in my imaginary rehearsals of talking to her I always take one, but when I see her I hold my breath...


Now if I could convince my subconscious of this, I would have no problem, but my conscious and subconscious rarely get along well...

Bloody possibilities. Ironically, I think I have my philosophising to blame for this, because it has wreaked havoc on my ability to be certain. So I need to be less philosophical... and a good start would be not to question that. Or that. I think. oops.

I think this is what you mean when you say I am overanalysing...

I think I probably overanalyze too. When it comes time to ask a woman out if I'm going to, I suddenly have every worst-case scenario explode in my head. But I need to learn to do it. And do it sober, too.

I have never understood drinking; one glass of beer, champagne or wine gives me a headache and a burning sensation in the stomach.

Some form of mental self-control must be needed for us.

Okay, I have a plan, let's see if I can go through with it: I have a shared morning tea tomorrow with a class she's not in, I am bringing homemade Anzac biscuits, and if she and I are both early for school (which is usually the case) I'll ask her to have one; that'll provide me with a coherent way of actually starting to talk to her. Then I'll tell her how I made them, then ask her if she does home baking and how much of what, then ask her what she is planning to do over the Summer holidays. Whatever she answers I'll reply with that I don't really do much social activities but still feel kind of lonely and suggest we do things together (And say that my friends mostly have parties and get drunk, whereas she seems much nicer). If she seems keen we could discuss options and maybe exchange phone numbers. Maybe one of us might admit to feelings, and/or I could ask her if she wants to sit together at lunchtimes...

Possible things that could go wrong: One of us is late for school (me most likely due to traffic, she walks and is on time) or I chicken out and don't say anything. The first will have to be solved through luck, second I'll just have to buy some guts from the mental shop (dumb metaphor for the uncomprehending).

Is that overanalysing?