I just got asked out...by a girl?...(I think)

Post Reply New Topic

Yeah the title is self explanatory

She was sort of an internet friend before we added each other on facebook. We were talking today and she asked if something was wrong...Didn't realise I sounded as depressed as I did when I wrote but anyway, I pretty much told her that it was to do with me not being that good in social situations, and I also told her for the first time I had AS.

Well we both live in London so she asked if I wanted to hang out and maybe get dinner. I guess she meant it in a 'date' sense...
Either way, I don't care, this feels pretty good

Sorry if this just seems like me gloating or anything, really didn't want it to come across that way but, really wanted to tell this to someone

I guess that means this is a 'date'? Unless I've horribly misinterpreted things (I don't think I did.) Do I sound like I've got it about right?

go for it mate!

I'm happy for you, right-hand-child!

Something a little bit similar happened to me last year. A girl that I sat next to in class sent me a Facebook message saying that maybe we could see a movie or "hang out." (My theory about what "hanging out" means in this context is that it doesn't actually signify a separate, specific activity; it is mainly meant to communicate that this is supposed to be casual, fun, and "no big deal.")

We messaged back and forth until we decided which movie to see, and we ended up going to the movie and then lunch afterward.

My main thought about this is that, as hard as it may be, it's probably best not to stress over whether this "counts" as a date or not. My analytical brain was dying to know if this was officially a date, because if so, it would be my first. But I tried to slow down and remind myself not to go crazy trying to categorize things and instead focus on what I knew for sure-- I had a friend! Even if we never did anything other than meet a couple times to share a movie, it was still a blessing and something I could enjoy.

So, I guess my main advice would be not to worry about whether this counts as a "date" or not, but to have a good time, be thankful for your friend, and try to be a friend to her as well.

Congrats.

A date is just a tiny notch above friends hanging out. Don't assume it's more, and don't expect more. Just talk, be yourself, and have no expectations about where it will lead. Keep your distance until you two get to know each other better. So no one gets hurt. If you are good together it will grow into a relationship. If not: just move on.

Good luck.

Good for you! I hope that everything goes well for you. Enjoy your date.

I'm not sure if I ever went on "dates" with my first two boyfriends. Sometimes we went places but I don't recall much use of the "date" terminology and sometimes a little sibling went along as well. It was always a bit ambiguous to me.

My third boyfriend was very specific about taking me on a "date" to a favorite restaraunt of his. Some people never do "date" they just "hang out" as the expression goes. (Which I guess would include cooking baking and other such activities conducted in a more domestic setting?) In other words, going on dates isn't necessary for having a relationship. (Though I understand there is some overlap on the terms "dating" and "relationship", it doesn't necessitate formal dates, at least as far as I have been able to tell.)

I personally enjoy the formal occasions. Have fun.

awesome! good luck!

Go but don't assume anything yet

if you havent gone on the date yet, i have some tips ive learned that maybe you could use:

1.) its better if SHE chases YOU, rather than if YOU chase HER.
2.) if you set something up, and she cancels without rescheduling it means she isnt interested.
3.) dont be overzealous! try to control your emotions (this is a main problem of mine, when it comes to girls XD im much too 'gushy')
4.) if a girl gives you her number, dont call her for at least 4 days.
5.) girls like it when guys take control. 'hay! lets go do ~this~' 'right now?' 'sure! why not! it will be fun'. etc. try to lead, if at all possible.
6.) its best if you can MASSIVELY limit your talking to her when you arent out on 'dates' (if you are dating now). this way, she'll think about you and her attraction will naturally build. if you are always talking to her it will dampen her interest because you are too available. the 'chase' is important!

if you did go on the date, how was it? did you figure out if it was a 'date' or if you were just going as friends, without maybe seeing if there was something more to it than that?

This is so funny! I cant tell you how many dates I have gone on and not known that they were!

^
Ok, here's what happened. I went and walked past a girl who took out her phone and called someone. About a second later I feel my phone buzz and think "Wait a minute..." and guess who it was? yeah we'd never met before in real life, so we didn't know what each other looked like (enough at least.)

Ok that part wasn't important. Fast forward and we both decide to get pizza. Going better than expected, conversation flows really easily with her and it's not just me talking about my special interest, there's a decent amount of give and take going on here. Here's the problem: she was talking about what she has to do tomorrow and why it's gonna be busy and then she says "...and then I have to meet up with my boyfriend"
(boyfriend...)
(boyfriend...)
(boyfriend...)

God dammit. I didn't show it (I think) but as you can imagine...slightly disappointed. I mean, she didn't say or hint anything about it being a 'date' but...Dammit! She pretty much would have been perfect for me...taking into account the whole 'pedestal - women' and 'don't obsess' thing. I mean she likes anything scientific (she mentioned that before I even entered that territory.) and we seemed to get everything each other said, which just never happened with anyone else.

What should I do? I guess it's ok to just be friends but...I'm confused. Inviting someone out for a meal never seemed like something I never imagined 'just a friend' would do. Do girls generally not mean a 'date' when they invite you out to things? Im confused...

If it's just you and her, that's building emotional intimacy. Using the word "boyfriend" destroys that. Unless she's new at dating, she knows this.

There's mind games going on here. I would be cautious.

I'm sorry and feeling gutted for you.
I'd tell her how you feel and that you did not know of her boyfriend as this way you'll know for certain that she likes you as a friend as she'll understand and not reply in a harsh manner.

Alternatively, you can ignore me.