What do you need to do to be more attractive?

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Grisha
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30 Oct 2011, 11:41 am

Usually when an InCel person posts here, the advice they usually get is do X, Y, and Z.

Get a job, learn to drive, take a shower, wear nicer clothes, etc etc etc

I've never seen anybody actually do these things and come back reporting that their problem is solved, but that still doesn't deter people from giving this very sincere advice out of a desire to be helpful.

I don't actually believe it will help, but I do these things just to give me a sense of hope - to force my mind to believe in a future state where I will actually be attractive yo the opposite sex.

Right now I'm:

- Losing a very significant amount of weight
- Hiring a personal trainer
- Getting my teeth fixed

What are you doing/do you think you should do to improve your chances?



MXH
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30 Oct 2011, 11:47 am

I dont know. I already wear nice clothes, have decent shape, have decent cleanliness, can drive, etc. Yet its done nothing for me really.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Oct 2011, 11:49 am

What could I do to improve my chances?

- Be less indifferent.


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Obres
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30 Oct 2011, 11:51 am

Really the only things that will actively increase your chances are getting out more, having more fun, and being willing to accept someone at your level (not having unrealistic expectations). Everything else, like driving, having a job, having good hygiene... are just attempts to avoid dealbreakers. Doing them won't start a conversation, but not doing them could end one.



CanadianRose
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30 Oct 2011, 11:53 am

The things that you are doing:

Losing weight (I'll assume that you are improving both your health and your appearance);
Hiring a personal trainer (improving fitness level and appearance); and
Getting teeth fixed (improving appearance).

Are all good. Even if you do not find the love of your life (I am assuming that you are doing these things to improve outlook in love and dating as this is the section you are posting in) you will certainly benefit from improved health.

With improved health - you might find that you are less prone to depression, you have more energy to work or have a life outside of work. You will meet people while partaking in healthy activities (be it biking, hiking, working out at the gym or whatever it is you like to partake in). This will increase your odds of meeting people in a romantic capacity or just making friends.

When I was single and actively looking to meet people, I bought some clothes that were comfortable and fit nicely. I got a good haircut. I joined a public speaking group (Toastmasters) and I set up an account with a dating site on-line. I made a point of getting out of the house and meeting people. I did things (even if I did them alone) so that I would have something interesting to say to others and could articulate what my own interests were.

All these things might have contributed to my meeting my future husband. (I have been married for eight years now). More importantly, even if I DIDN'T meet a romantic partner - I still would have had some fun, met new people and did enjoyable things.



LikeGreenAndBlue
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30 Oct 2011, 11:59 am

This thread looks pretty shallow to me.

So what you are saying is that people who are ugly or don't drive a car or have a lot of money have no chance to get a girlfriend?



Last edited by LikeGreenAndBlue on 30 Oct 2011, 12:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 12:00 pm

I think a lot of it's to do with general attitude, demeanour, and social skills. Although the other parts of it are pretty important too.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Oct 2011, 12:04 pm

LikeGreenAndBlue wrote:
This thread looks pretty shallow to me.

So what you are saying is that people who are ugly or don't drive a car or have a lot of money have no chance to get a girlfriend?


How did you get that from what Grisha said? :scratch:


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CanadianRose
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30 Oct 2011, 12:04 pm

Obres wrote:
Really the only things that will actively increase your chances are getting out more, having more fun, and being willing to accept someone at your level (not having unrealistic expectations). Everything else, like driving, having a job, having good hygiene... are just attempts to avoid dealbreakers. Doing them won't start a conversation, but not doing them could end one.


Well said.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Oct 2011, 12:05 pm

To die and reincarnate with a different body (=and brain).



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 Oct 2011, 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 12:08 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
To die and incarnate with a different body (=and brain).


Aw, it can't be that bad for you.

Are you looking for a sympathy shag from the female members? ;)



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Oct 2011, 12:17 pm

Tequila wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
To die and incarnate with a different body (=and brain).


Aw, it can't be that bad for you.

Are you looking for a sympathy shag from the female members? ;)


No, I am actually looking for a sympathy shag from you in particular.

Come sweetie ****mwwaaaaaaaaahh***, now turn around....



mar00
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30 Oct 2011, 12:18 pm

I think this is a great thread. At some point in my life I lost "a significant amount of weight" and was pleasantly surprised in the increase of the social life. It is really worth it. I felt more confident etc. Not to mention you know what. First impressions last. stuff that I'm onto atm:
-To increase my fitness level so that I could participate in some particular team sports.
-To clear my skin. It's OK but I want it to be even better :D
-To read a few books on small talk and prob practice it with random strangers. Huh.
-To increase my active vocabulary. And I guess a bunch of other stuff.
I think everyone should try more to improve themselves. I cannot stress enough how important self development is.



spongy
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30 Oct 2011, 12:43 pm

-Looking for ways of dealing with social anxiety/extreme shyness when approaching people(cant do anything for a month because doctor suggested I stop taking meds for a month due to some issues with side-effects and I´ll have a revision where we´ll see if I can give it a chance or not)

- Trying to dress in a more fashionable manner from time to time(lets just say I hit a low a couple of years ago when I fell in love with cartoon t shirts and Im working on finding clothes that I like and are more fashionable than that).
Just so you have an idea last March an acquaintance couldnt believe that I had this kind of clothes and just chose to wear nerdy shirts... so I realized that the same thing could be happening with other people and Im trying to work on finding a more socially accepted look.

-Got a haircut that has received quite some praise recently. This may not seem as a big thing but when you stop cutting your hair just to make a point for over 5 months and reach a hobo status it is

-Trying to go out more oftenly. Have some sort of party tomorrow paid 5 bucks for alcohol.... yesterday. Last summer I had the very same guy ask me if I was interested and I just stayed at home and did naught so I guess this can be an improvement right?. Also trying to join a group for people interested on speaking english in seville.


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Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 1:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, I am actually looking for a sympathy shag from you in particular.

Come sweetie ****mwwaaaaaaaaahh***, now turn around....


...and then I woke up and realised it was just a terrible nightmare. ;)



Ichinin
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30 Oct 2011, 1:03 pm

Shave...


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