Move in together

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My stress and anxiety is going to make me implode or spontaneously combust. I've had a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year now. And since we first met he said he'd like to move in with me, then I just laughed it off. Now however, he's going to move to an apartment and wants me to move in with him. So I freaked. My feelings about this are so intensely chaotic that my head hurts by just thinking about it. On one hand I love him, but moving in feels so final. Like this is your life now, forever. I don't know if I want that, hell, at times I don't even know if I love him. Can I love somebody? What is love supposed to feel like? How do you know for sure? I hate it when people say that you will know if you love somebody. I don't know that. Also if I move I'll have to really move. To a new situation with new people...or at least new surroundings.
Also he lives about 700 km from me, so I won't be able to just visit my family anymore, which is where I live now. Here I have 3 cats, one adorable dog, peace and forests all around me pretty much. In Stockholm, it won't be like that. Last time I was in Stockholm I lived with some relatives while working as a postman, during those 6 months I tried to kill myself 3 times, got myself hospitalized in a psych ward and felt like crap. Pretty much. So Stockholm is tainted with bad emotions and I also have one or two maybe even three places where I thought about ending my life at. Will it be safe to go there again? What if I start feeling bad again..no, wait I haven't really stopped. I haven't exactly told him about the extent of my suicide attempt, how serious it became, how serious it still is. I don't want to. If I move in with him he might find out.

But mostly I'm just stressed and anxious. And then there's the question do I want to move in with him? Sometimes, yes. Other times no. I am so f****d up.

Hon, if you don't trust him enough to let him into your life. If he is not aware of your serious shortcomings, then you either need to let him know or let him go.
Tell him about it. No matter what, the results will either be move there, or not. He really needs to know before you make this move.

I do trust him. This may sound a bit weird but I do. It just that I don't want to bother him. I always had a huge problem with sharing my feelings with others be it parents, psychologists or him. I'd rather tackle all my problems alone than share them with others.

I've been in a position where someone I was dating was eager to move in together and it is a lot of pressure, especially when you are used to living alone, so don't be hard on yourself.

Some people just see moving in together as a trial run or litmus test to take before taking a relationship further and don't view it too seriously. Your boyfriend probably doesn't realize what a big deal this is to you. I think you should talk to him openly and honestly, gauge his reaction and go from there.

I'm also curious, why is it necessary for you to move to where he is living? If he is initiating this and wants to live together, is he willing to come live where you are?

I have to be the slowest person to answer. Well, to answer your question, I'm living in the northern part of Sweden far far away from any big city and to move here would pretty much mean that you won't have a job. Anyway, moving to Stockholm might not be as bad as I first thought. The apartment is not very far away from a huge national park and since forests and nature are important for me that's good. And to start things of, to see if I like it I'll visit him for a week. Hopefully things will feel better after that.