unfalling

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How does one un-fall for someone

Time and distance.

If we can only turn love on and off like a switch... Most people can't.

Have A Great Day!

Rob

depends what you mean by the question. If you mean how does someone in a relationship can stop loving their partner I would say its because they have grown tired of their partner and need a new spice in their lives. If you mean that youve fallen for someone and want to get over them then time and meeting new people would do it.

Exactly this^

Meeting someone new can break the spell too...

Judge them superficially. Your bound to find a flaw or at least rationalize there is one.

i unfall for almost everyone i see. i am repulsed by many people.

but i guess you may be talking about unfalling in love (falling out of love) with someone you do not want to love, but you do love them despite the fact you do not want to ?
you give no details about the circumstance you are in. i do not know whether you are joking or not.
i will assume you are not joking. i am the last person to be able to say how to unlove someone but i will try.

my love was extinguished completely for a girl called melinda many years ago. she was a very lovely girl and she had a very naughty sense of humor and she seemed to like me to the exclusion of everyone else.
i had very good times with her for about 1 year.

i had to work hard as a programmer and i had to go to sleep at 11pm, but she wanted to stay up but she went to bed with me anyway, and i went to sleep, and on a few occasions, when i woke up, she was not there and she had gone.

i asked her why she did not stay, and she said she had to get home to her bed because she had things to do the next day.
i was a bit confused but i trusted her.

after a while, i looked at my bank statement, and it said that $11,000 was drawn from my account on a night that she went home while i was asleep.

i investigated it (the $11000 was drawn from my key card (which she knew the pin of)), and i saw it was drawn at a location near a casino.

in the next week i found out that she had left me sleeping, and she went with her latino boyfriend (who i did not know existed until then) and she stole my key card and drew $11,000 so she and he could go and gamble and live the high life.

i immediately erased her from my heart and i never wanted to see her again. even though she came begging to me for forgiveness after her latino boyfriend was abusive to her after the money ran out.

i was sorry, but my gates were closed to her forever more. nothing she could ever do would restore my faith in her.

that is how i fell out of love. i do not know whether you can derive some significance from what i said, but if someone disappoints you to the extent that you are left devoid of feeling anything for them, then it is a natural thing to close them out.

but maybe you are talking about loving someone who does not love you as much as you love them.

i never loved anyone who did not love me first.

actually, i can not answer. sorry.

i will leave my post here because it is not offensive, but it is also not helpful to you i think.

b9

Thanks for sharing that. It's likely to become one of those external experiences that I hold on to. Whether you realise it or not, that story holds a great deal of wisdom.

Guybrush

I suppose it would also be pertinent to ask the OP why she finds it necessary to do this?

meeting someone new isn't that simple

i'm disciplined enough to get rid of emotions towards someone who is unworthy but i meant more someone who hasn't done anything bad towards me
i still liked reading your reply(:

That, it definitely can.

Whenever you think of them, imagine a real ugly baby love child

i saw the original. is the ugly baby love child the same thing

It's as easy as unfalling off a log

This feels really true, across the board, for everyone. I can hear that big ol' iron door slamming and the locking bar shooting home as we speak.

Yours is a vivid story, very lucidly told, in which there was clearly no uncertainty about the wrongdoing. In your story, she would have known she was doing something wrong. Her actions would be wrong in any culture, and there is evidence that she knew it was wrong in the fact that she had hidden her actions from you while doing the wrong thing (stealing your money and cheating on you). Either of those would be proof enough; together they are incontrovertible.

Question: Your story makes me want to ask about a different situation, a hypothetical that contains grey areas.

Grey Area 1: What if she had done something that she didn't know was wrong for you - like it was a personal thing of yours, a dealbreaker, that wouldn't be automatically felt the same way by all people - call it a cultural difference. You couldn't realistically assume she knew it was wrong in your eyes. Either you hadn't got around to telling her yet it was a personal dealbreaker, or you had introduced the topic but it was taking a while to get through because of slow aspie processing? So she didn't independently have the knowledge that it was wrongdoing in your eyes, or you couldn't be certain she did.

Grey Area 2: On top of that, what if she had done your personal dealbreaker in plain sight? That's a pretty good sign she had no idea she had crossed your line (otherwise, if she did know, why wouldn't she hide it or just not do it, or wait until you had gone out or something?). Granted, it could just mean she was trying to annoy you; but what if you couldn't be sure - or even if she was trying to annoy you with it, wouldn't this strangely still suggest she didn't realise its true significance for you?

So my question is: In this second situation, with its double-grey area, would you still have fallen instantly and irrevocably out of love, like in the first scenario, because for whatever reason she had still committed your dealbreaker? Or, because of the grey area/s, would you have been able to grant a stay of execution, given her the opportunity to make amends and discussed your dealbreaker with her to the point where you knew for sure and certain she had understood?

This is not a trick question. Grey areas happen a lot and can cause terrible misunderstandings. Wrongful executions. Does fairness come into it at all or is just Dead. Stone. Caput.

[Still on-topic about how people get to unlove someone.]

what you ask me in the following part of this post i can not answer satisfactorily without going into painstaking detail. i do not want to shift the focus onto me, because the OP wants an answer to her question, and my situation is not relevant to her. i will try to answer however in the most summary way i can, although i do not even think i can answer it anyway because i do not think in a situational way.


it is not because i perceived what she did was "wrong" that i disowned my acceptance of her.
she was very complex and i was intrigued by her, but ultimately i realized she was a danger to me.


i do not judge things in terms of "right" or "wrong".
if i do not like something, i shy away from it. i did not consider any moral factor. i do not have any easily describable reason (that is appropriate to post in this thread) why i suddenly saw her as a stranger from that point on. i do not have a list of "dealbreakers" in my mind, because there are no "deals" in my mind. i either like someone or i do not. i am very simple in my core, and i do not really process "reasons" in my mind that lead to decisions. i just liked her until i saw what she did, and then i did not like her, and i never questioned myself about it. she must have not cared about me by doing what she did, and so my care for her was extinguished at the instant i realized that.

i like people who like me, and i do not like people who do not like me. it is as simple as that.
it does not matter who they are or how they be. if they like me, i like them. it is very simple.


again i have to say i have no "deal breakers" in my mind. she would not have been able to do what she did if i was with her. i would never have given her even $100 to gamble with and she could not have attempted it. she withdrew money from my card 5 times that night (at a casino ATM which at that time had no limit on the withdrawal amount), and had i been there, i would not have let go of my card into her hot little hands.

she did many things to annoy me however while i was present, because she used to laugh hysterically at how i became annoyed with her.

example: my mercedes car has electric seats, and they can be raised and lowered, or tilted back or forward, and they can be moved on the longitudinal rail forward and backward, and the backrest can be angled to any degree using buttons on the door. the 2 front seats have individual armrests , and the armrests follow the seating position.

she got her seat into a position where her armrest was at the same height as my t-bar gear lever on the center console, and she then rolled her seat forward so her armrest hit my gearshift and pushed it into neutral. the motor revved insanely as it went into neutral, and i got angry and told her to be careful. she got the idea that that was something that would annoy me, so she did it many times. she refined when she did it to when i was accelerating heartily (eg . away from the lights in the inside lane to get in front of another car). as you can imagine, if the car is suddenly placed in neutral during an energetic takeoff, then the engine goes to a screaming 7000 rpm, and i have to brake savagely to avoid hitting the car parked in the lane i was trying to get out of.

i used to say things like "for god's sake you idiot!! ! i told you before not to do that again" and all she could do was laugh hysterically at my reaction. there was something about her which made me kind of admire her mind, because it was classic ODD that she exhibited, and i also found it funny (in private afterwards when i thought about it). part of ODD is the urge to annoy people. not hurt them, but annoy them so they become cranky, and even though i was very annoyed about what she did, i thought afterwards "well done".

but when she stole my card and did what she did, it was completely different, and i felt that she betrayed me entirely and it was not staged to elicit my antagonism, but it was an underhanded act that was done outside of my consciousness, and i realized then that she did not really like me at all, and so my immediate reaction was to see her as a stranger, and i could never love her again.

when i realized she did not like me like i thought she did, i lost my interest in her. it was not an execution, because if she felt less for me than i did for her, then i was the one who would be the saddest.
[Still on-topic about how people get to unlove someone.][/quote]