I think I asked a girl out

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I'm looking for advice, because I've never done this before. I got to know a girl in my university choir a little better at our last concert, and she seems like a really fun person to hang out with. I wanted to ask her out, but I had to wait until choir resumed after Christmas break to see her again.

Well, tonight we had choir rehearsal, and I mustered up some courage and asked if she wanted to have coffee some time. I'm sure I seemed awkward, I can't even remember if I was looking at her when I asked her or not. But she said yes, and gave me her phone number. She asked me to text her just so that she would know my number, so I was "just a regular stalker, not a creepy one."

Was that a joke? Or does she actually think I'm a stalker? I didn't do anything stalkerish, except try and find her on facebook and talk to a couple friends about whether I should ask her out. Maybe it's because we've all been away for a month. I don't know. I hope it was a joke.

I texted her when I got home from choir tonight, and said, "Hey, it's Jay from choir (not a creepy stalker)" I was just trying to build on the joke. But she didn't answer it. Maybe she's not home yet.

I would appreciate someone else's views on any of this, as I have no idea whether I'm correct in my assumptions.

And what I'm really nervous about, assuming that we do get in contact and go out for coffee - what are the rules here? I tried to ask a friend and she didn't understand. She just kept saying there were no rules.

But:
Do I pay? Is this even a date? We didn't specify it was a date, and while I would like it to be a date, what if she doesn't feel that way about me? How do I find out if it's a date? I think I'm slightly better on what to talk about, at least, we seemed to be able to talk fine that time before the concert.

I feel like I already have strikes against me because I'm a short, bespectacled transgender guy with acne, who may or may not have AS. She knows I'm trans, at least.

You should not think of this until she texts back and says yes as you don't want to get too disappointed when you don't get the text back or she says no.

Well, she did say yes, she would go out for coffee with me. The text was just so we would have each other's numbers. Maybe she's not going to text back tonight.

[quote="Dots". Maybe she's not going to text back tonight.[/quote]

Don't say that you got to have a clear mind.
That's awasome she going out to have coffee with you. Good luck

When you both go out for coffee. You both should pay for your own as you don't know yet if she see you the same way. Go out as friends less straining for the both of you. And over time if you still are hanging out do more nicer stuff for her like paying for her food.

it would be a nice gesture to pay for her coffee if she allows it.

Don't say that you got to have a clear mind.
That's awasome she going out to have coffee with you. Good luck

When you both go out for coffee. You both should pay for your own as you don't know yet if she see you the same way. Go out as friends less straining for the both of you. And over time if you still are hanging out do more nicer stuff for her like paying for her food.[/quote]

couldn't have said it better.

And glad to see one less fellow spectrumite being less lonely.

Seconded.

Though I wouldn't it consider it a "date" since you just met her and she expressed slight interest. It's hard to tell without text but I would assume the "stalker" thing was a joke and is her telling you that she's not "easy" since she seems to imply that other people are interested in her. Consider having coffee with her as a chance to know her better and maybe their will be chemistry between the two of you.

Good luck.!

She asked you to text her so she would have your number and you did. She probably didn't feel the need to reply.

I wouldn't consider it a "date", it's just coffee and talking right now. You still get to spend time with her, doesn't matter what it's called. Don't get overly excited or nervous, just get to know each other. Since you asked her to join you then you should pay. If she insists on paying her part, then let her.

She's probably going to expect you to contact her about when to meet. Don't wait for a reply text to make arrangements but don't text her 2 hrs after the other one to set it up.

Good luck!

I imagine she was joking. It sounds like the sort of joke I'd make.
If you were a stalker, she probably wouldn't have given you her number or mentioned stalkers.

Give her time to reply, some people don't check their phone for hours or days. Or she may just be very busy.

If she responds positively either by text or in person, then I'd try to bring it up again. Just ask her if she is still interested in it.

As for rules, I'd just be how you would with any body, friend or family member. I guess you could offer to pay for a drink for her or something, but if she refuses I wouldn't make a big deal about it.

I'd say it's more hanging out than a date but I'm not sure how people define such things. Just try to relax. Even if it is a date, I think acting like you're hanging out will help you both feel relaxed and get to know each other, and that's the important thing, isn't it?

She replied today that she was free for coffee tomorrow, so we'll probably meet for coffee tomorrow afternoon. I might offer to pay for her coffee, if I can figure out a way to offer.

I'll treat it like hanging out. Really, we're just meeting between classes.

I'm a little bit proud of myself for at least making it this far. I don't usually have a very easy time making new friends.

Way to go

You should definitely offer to pay and well done on taking a huge step. Have fun!!

=] You're doing great. Sounds like you've got it figured out.
I hope you enjoy it, and don't stress too much! =D

It went really well. We were at a coffee shop I go to a lot, where you go up to the counter to order, but we sat and talked and didn't realize we hadn't bothered to order anything until we'd been talking for 45 minutes (felt like 15) and she had to go soon. So that solved the 'who pays' thing, we didn't order, so no one had to pay.

This is proof that someone can be socially awkward but still find one or two people that they can absolutely talk to without long awkward silences.

I think it was balanced well - I didn't talk too much about myself or my interests. When she had to go to class she said she wished she didn't have to go. When we left the coffee shop, she said we should do this again, and gave me a hug.

I don't think it was a date though. Just hanging out as friends.

I'm proud of myself. I have never, ever initiated a friendship. This is the first time I've ever taken the first step.

and I think I have slept with a girl.










































No wait.......it was a pillow.