I like a girl with Asperger's

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Ellie24680
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11 Nov 2011, 1:59 pm

Hi there, first of all, I'm a noob and I don't know what I'm doing - just thought I'd get that out the way

So basically I'm a teenage girl and I like this girl who has quite mild Asperger's Syndrome and I really want to ask her out. She's so beautifully weird and fascinating. We've started becoming really good friends lately. I don't know if she is into girls but she seems the type, if you get what I mean. I don't want anyone to know I'm gay - and I only wanna tell her that I like her if I definitely know she could be interested. I googled how to know if someone's gay and stuff like that and it's all eye contact and s**t but she doesn't make eye contact with anyone properly so I don't know what to do! :lol:

She seems like a very defensive person and I don't think she'd tell me if I just asked her. Any advice?
Thanks guys, love this website it's so helpful xoxoxoxox



Vince
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11 Nov 2011, 3:07 pm

Having AS, chances are she won't take a hint. And it's probable she won't make a move based on insufficient information. I speak from personal experience of being a person who can't take a hint.
I suspect your best bet is to start off with coming out to her and studying her reaction. If her preference is the same as yours, she may even be relieved or happy to find out that you have that in common. Which may or may not be noticeable.
You probably won't get anywhere unless you're straightforward about it. You don't have to move fast, in fact, it may be best to take it one step at a time and see how it goes, but it's likely that she won't take any steps you haven't taken, or at least paved the way for, first.
If you want to know if she's gay, you'll probably at least have to let her know you're gay first. You don't have to tell her you like her right away, but just establishing your preference may help her think about her own identity, which she may not have entirely sorted out yet. She might establish boundaries, or she might not. In any case, if she's a kind, trustworthy and open-minded person (which are probably things to gauge first if you're not sure you can trust her), she won't judge you or spread information you're not ready to make public.
If you jump right to telling her how you feel about her, that might scare her off, but the first steps you most likely have to take if you hope to get anywhere are these:
1. Make sure you can trust her to keep a secret, and that she's not homophobic (the latter can easily be done by bringing up the subject in a general sense).
2. Let her know you're gay.
3. See how she reacts.

If she's a good friend, she will continue to be your friend even if she's not gay herself. If she is gay, she may or may not tell you right away. She might need time to think about it.

Remember, telling your friend that you're gay isn't the same as telling the world. Nor is it the same as telling her you're attracted to her. Though she might ask you if you are.


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syrella
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11 Nov 2011, 6:27 pm

Echoing what Vince said earlier, just be as straightforward and direct about it as possible. In romance, she probably won't take a hint, so be prepared to be blunt if you want her to notice you.

Your first priority should be to just get to know her better and become her friend. Be as honest as possible about who you are. In doing so, you'll eventually be able to figure out her preferences (whether she's gay or not) and whether she might have feelings for you too. Good luck!


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aspie48
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11 Nov 2011, 6:50 pm

you have to tell her everything. don't imply. you could get into real trouble with a miscommunication.