how much should a guy spend on a woman?

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first of all, i am not here to make a diatribe of how its unfair how men are expected to spend money on women. as women (by society) have so many expectations to wear makeup, have their hair/nails done, and wear fashionable clothes, etc., i do not consider it an injustice for men to pay for the first date.

in my opinion, i'd say the man should pay for the first 2, and maybe the 3rd. but by the 3rd or maybe 4th date, the woman should pay for half. otherwise i would feel like she was using me.

the first date in my opinion, should not be too expensive. like $10-15 at most. i see no reason to spend $30-50 on a person who I don't know well yet, who may not be worth it. especially, if i have numerous other women to date, it would not be economical to spend a good amount of money on every single woman i meet for the first time. but i think if there is a strong connection after the first date, then she's definitely worth dinner at a good restaurant.

moreover, i would not give expensive gifts (such as jewelry) to my date until we were exclusive and close, like at 6 months maybe. my fear is that giving expensive gifts too early on will destroy the integrity of the relationship. i don't want anything that would artificially mask any lack of chemistry - i would want to know immediately if theres no chemistry, not find out $1000 and a broken heart later. moreover, in some cases i fear a woman may lose respect for me and change their goal from exploring a potential relationship to getting more jewelry.

questions for you:
1. how many dates should the man pay for?
2. is a cheap first date offensive or logical?
3. how far into the relationship until expensive gifts should be given?

a man should offer to pay for all the dates, unless the woman asks him to an event. if the woman wants to go dutch, fine. women typically make up for being treated by cooking dinner for the guy.

my first date with my husband was a cup of coffee - cost him under five bucks - and was fine with me. some of our dates were walking in the park, which is free, other than the trail mix i brought. another low-cost option is to rent a movie and have popcorn.

i agree totally with no expensive presents until the relationship is serious. 6 months is just enough time to tell if you're going to be compatible. the only expensive present my husband ever got me was the wedding ring. we keep usual (birthday, christmas, valentine's day, anniv.) gifts in the $20 -30 range. if you're a millionaire, go ahead and spend more.

thank you for your insights. they are helpful and ultimately i agree with them.

whether the woman pays on a date is entirely up to her. some women will offer to pay sooner than others. of course theres a certain limit where if she does not offer to pay at least something, i would feel like theres lack of recipocation. women can lose good men by waiting too long to chip in. but yes you are right, there are many expectations women fulfill, so the expectation on behalf on the man to pay is not too big of a deal.

it's kind of a paradox. the person you love is worth every penny, but love can't be bought out.

whut. according to you two- if a man takes me out i have to balance it my getting my nails done and cooking him stuff?? an argument for goind dutch if ever i saw one

On my dates I always split the bill and am sure not to put too much thought into messy money matters. Instead I enjoy the date.

I think some of this is cultural, and related to age too.

I would expect to share everything equally, not down to pennies, but roughly. Men and women are both just people, why should a man solely pay for any date? Seems a bit 1950s to me.

Mind you, I don't do the whole make up malarky. Also daft.

i'm not saying women have to do these things in order for men to pay for the date.

i am saying that since women do these things, i have no problem with compensating them for it.

and i'm not saying that women have the domestic role of cooking, either gender could have that.

henbane, i completely connect with your sentiment that there should be no gender roles and things should be as mutual as possible.

though in our current society, i would be severely restricting my options in dating by not paying first.

I'll answer the questions before adding my own opinion:
1) As many as he feels comfortable with. I'd guess NT's would probably say around 3.
2) I'd say going too frugal at a first date is offensive. Especially from an Aspie/Avoidant viewpoint. If my date was delibrately ordering cheaper meals, I'd feel it was my fault or flaws prevented the other person ordering what they wanted.
3) I'd say at the moment with NT's would be around 3 months, & for the confident NT, a month

As a person who has never been on a first date, my views are probably a bit too romantic and rose tinted but I'd say money wouldn't be an issue. Getting the right place - Personally, I'm against going somewhere you have not been before for a first date, it should be somewhere that you know has good food and relaxing atmosphere - is more important than the bill. The first date is only an introduction, yes, but either builds or breaks future contact. If you appear too lazy, uninterested, uncaring enough to have a first date at some fast-food joint then chances of a second date are as good as none.

If money is an pressing/important issue, I'd either use a place that's more local/known enough to nullify any problems over the price or I'd reduce my own budget/order, hopefully in a way that doesn't appear cheap.

Oh! And before anyone asks: Going dutch on a first date is rude and impolite, in my opinion.

i don't like the use of 'compensating', but it's not important..

yeah, in retrospect, i would have reworded that.

compensation sounds like a prostitution arrangement.

what i mean is that in a mutual relationship, you give, something and take something.

but my main goal in the relationship is love to be far ahead of money and sex.

If you were to take someone out, the FIRST date will always be memorable to your girlfriend. Because of that, I would make it as romantic as possible. Money can only go so far, but if it takes money to make it extra special, then go for it! Some women love going to restaurants that are expensive, while others will enjoy walks on the beach. You could ask her what food she likes, or what she likes to do for fun. This way, by the time you two go on your first date, the date will be personal and your attention to detail will be noticed! Trust me.

I don't know, how much does it say on her price tag?

Ugh! Anyone applying rules to women is doing it wrong. The aim is to get a cool connection with her, to get as quickly as possible to the point where the matter of paying for stuff isn't an issue. I suggest not introducing issues that will have to be removed later if you want to be cool.

i just realised i've never actually been on a date in the traditional sense of the word:/

Lol! Seconded!

I've not been on a first date, or any date for that matter for a while, but if someone invited me out for a nice meal I would consider it reasonable that the person doing the inviting, and choosing of the restuarant, does the paying. I would offer to pay half, but wouldn't insist on it if they chose to pay. If someone pays for me, date or friend, I'd offer to pay the next time.