Online Dating

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I once thought of this as a great way to meet partners (and for some it still is). But overall, I find meeting people in the real world much easier.

1. Time saver. It takes a few minutes to meet a person in real life. Online, it takes, days, weeks, maybe months of messaging a person until you both meet. Let's not forget the large amount time it takes to make an appealing profile, looking at other profiles, messaging people you like, and sifting through your inbox.

2. In real life, if theres no chemistry, you'll realize immediately. But people make themselves look more appealing online than in person.

3. It's largely superficial. You can't judge much about a person by a few still photos and a description made by oneself. All qualities such as a good personality and demeanor don't translate through a screen well. Also, people who are confident to approach women in real life and people who just sit and stare are put in the same boat, whereas in real life if you approach people rather than stare, you'll have an advantage.

4. girls: you'll get bothered with hundreds of messages from creeps. guys: if you are anything less than average looking, you it will be very difficult to find a date.

Perhaps I have not given it enough time, but for now, I feel this is one small compartment of dating, but shouldn't have the most weight in terms of which ways you try to meet people.

I say, see online dating as 10% of your dating experience, and real life as 90%.

Don't forget that with online dating it's easier for someone to flake out and not keep a meet-up date. Or to simply stop responding to your messages, instead of telling you that they're no longer interested and are already seeing someone else. It's somehow easier to miss the real effects of your actions when it's all behind a computer screen.

yeah thats my point.

on the internet, you are just one of the crowd, and her flaking out on you has no impact on her. but you having the courage to approach a woman you like (different from most men) is admirable and separates you from the crowd.

I gave up on online dating many months ago, too much work for too little payoff.

I met one awesome friend this way (she was on the production staff of Twin Peaks, among other things) so it wasn't a total loss.

I didn't have too much trouble getting (first) dates for some reason, but the lack of chemistry was epic in some cases...

I suppose being online, we can mask certain deficiencies such as emotional blindness, lack of reading body language or knowing when to escalate our feelings romantically since it's easier for us to verbalize our feelings instead of expressing them using body language. However it's masking them so people will rely on an expectation based on a preconceived image or expectation of who or how you should be when they meet you in real life.

In real life, it's easier to build comfort and rapport with someone in the initial stages of meeting them because the cards are already on the table and it also pushes you out your comfort zone to initiate and root out the potential romances from the rest.

I met my husband (we have been married close to eight years) through match.com

One thing I liked about on-line profiles is that one can see who is interested in long term relationships or casual relationship (nothing wrong with either type of relationship - but it is nice to determine straight away if one is interested in one or the other).

Also, as a woman who was (then) in my early thirties - I wanted to meet someone who was interested in having children. The on-line profiles would include this information. This is a subject that is difficult to bring up in casual conversation or to ask on the first few dates after meeting someone in real life. (BTW - my husband and I now have two lovely children).

Also, although I am not particularly superficial - with profile pictures - I could quickly determine whether I had at least some initial attraction to someone. As a lady who is slightly plus sized - I liked having my profile picture available so that potential men who prefer very slender women women would not waste my time (nor theirs).

I had a few rules. I was only interested in someone who lived within 50 kms of me. Note, I live in a large metropolitan area. If someone lived across the country or overseas - I wasn't interested. I wanted someone local. This brings me to my next rule. I wanted to meet the person within one week. In the case of my (now) husband - We communicated through match.com for a few times, then exchanged cell phone numbers and met in person at a coffee shop. I wanted to meet in person quickly so that we could see if there was mutual "chemistry" and that the on-line persona matched the real person. I choose a coffee shop, because I could make this a quick meeting if there was no mutual "chemistry". In the case of my husband, we ended up going for a walk and then some dinner afterward.

I responded to every person. If someone was not my type (either they were not attractive to me or their personality profile wasn't compatible with mine) - I would say, "Thank you for your response, however, I don't feel that we are a 'match'". When meeting in real life, after a few e-mails and a phone conversation, if I didn't feel like pursuing the person, I might say, "I appreciate getting the chance to meet you, however, I simply don't feel that special spark." These are nice ways of terminating a potential connection and still making everybody feel good about themselves.

In any event - meeting people online is just another way of connecting with others. It doesn't need to replace more traditional ways of meeting others (i.e. through mutual friends, clubs, activities, etc).

Congratulations on your success with online dating. I suppose that's another perk of it, being able to tell the intentions of the person you're browsing and what kind of encounter they're looking for. It's a good way to build comfort but I'd only consider online dating as a last resort.

The story of my (dating) life... There is no way. no how, no nothing that can tell you how a girl is IRL in comparison to online.

yeah these two I'd say are the ones that make it not worth it completely.

I've had some very good experiences from online dating.

I don't see it as unpractical as many here seem to think... Many people are busy these days and rather find some other means to get acquainted with another person (especially if it's something specific they are looking for) than going to bars, clubs etc.

I'm currently dating some people I've originally met via online dating sites; All are handsome, highly intelligent and educated, have good careers and have been acting like perfect gentlemen. I'm still happily in touch with all I've met in person.

Online dating has its pros, you do not have to rely on body language or signals to communicate intent.

Its better than approaching a stranger irl--you start off immediately not knowing anything about the person, the difference is with online dating you have the potential to weed off the jerks, creeps and whatever else that much faster.

Also no need to judge them from a few photos, in real life you approach because of aesthetics, online you actually have the potential to approach because of quality, traits and things in common. If they lie about who they are, you don't give them a chance. (This is something that applies to offline dating as well)

Everything you said is true, except for the intangibles that you would have picked up immediately if you first met someone IRL. You can learn in seconds things that you only find out online by exchanging messages, coordinating a meeting, traveling, etc etc

I think online dating is ideally suited for those looking for casual or short-term relationships, but for long-term monogamous relationships it's really hit-and-miss...

I agree with those points. However, at least I've been able to meet more people online, and I did make a friend out of it, who later purposely gave me the wrong advice for another date.

I think meeting more people will give you practise.

yeah, its mixed results for many.

but the odds arent promising, unless you are above average looking.

wow, the coincidence of reading this, when just this morning I encountered something that disturbed me NO end...

A little background. This guy had talked to me online and on the phone for MONTHS, wanting to meet me, wanting to have an "outing" with me and my daughter (she's 5 yrs old), saying "I don't mind if your daughter comes along, I am not pressuring you JUST for sex"... HA. This morning I noticed he tried to request me as a friend on the same website again after I stopped talking to him. I never met him, and now I am GLAD I didn't!! Read the link below, yikes!

It Pays to Wait and See

Once again, relationships based on looks are almost universally casual and/or short term, if they turn into a stable LTR that's just a random stroke of luck.

The basic dynamic is: "Wow that person really turns me on sexually, I'd like to have sex with them" [sex ensues] which turns into "Ugh, this person doesn't turn me on as much as they used to, and besides that, they're really annoying" which turns into "Wow that [other] person really turns me on sexually, I'd like to have sex with them..." ad infinitum

So you might guess why you don't see too many older people adopting this lifestyle.

In short, you're not missing out on much. I think the boring, "old-school" approach of engaging in group activities which you enjoy (hiking, bowling, whatever) is still the best approach for the monogamy crowd...