Aspies, how do you act when you feel like you're in love?

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Boomshika
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19 Nov 2011, 8:58 pm

Anyone else get obsessed with people when they feel like they are in "love"? i.e. doing things that normal people might consider stalkerish like watching them from a place they can't see u; calling them from blocked numbers; etc. I fell for a guy who i later realized has a lot of the personality traits of a sociopath. now he's cut me off and won't talk to me anymore. but i still have the feelings for him, but i dot know how to channel them? also, are aspie women more likely to become attracted to sociopathic men? i've been reading on websites that aspies and socios tend to be alike in some ways...


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Shebakoby
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19 Nov 2011, 9:13 pm

First we have to be careful that we're not in fact feeling "limerence" which isn't love at all.

I don't know what romantic love is at all. All I know is the kind of affection that is basic.



Grisha
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19 Nov 2011, 9:25 pm

I caught myself singing this morning - it was weird...



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19 Nov 2011, 9:28 pm

I don't act stalkerish, but I become clingy and I offer to do things for him. Often, way too much. This can result in me being used by the guy and becoming a doormat.

My husband didn't react this way, though, so it's good. But guys usually disrespect a woman who'd do anything for them and who is clingy.



Radiofixr
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19 Nov 2011, 9:30 pm

No I express my feelings by doing things for the other person-putting them ahead of myself even-had a person also on the spectrum not see that and hurt me bad-now that person now that they know how I feel-act very cold towards me.


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Boomshika
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19 Nov 2011, 9:30 pm

in response to Shebakoby: wow thanks! u taught me something new, which i think applies to every time i felt like i was in "love". that sounds exactly like what i feel with this guy. im staring to think that i dont know how to "love." not in the real sense that NT's do anyway. i always wished i could though...

every time i have felt like i "loved" a guy, he became my special interest of the moment, and i would feel like i had to have him sexually. then if we do have sex, i become uncontrollably obsessed with him, and the less reciporcity of feelings i get, the crazier i get. i always thought this was how i loved, but come to think of it, i guess i've never really been in love. i guess some people arent really capable of romantic love.


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deconstruction
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19 Nov 2011, 9:37 pm

Boomshika wrote:
every time i have felt like i "loved" a guy, he became my special interest of the moment, and i would feel like i had to have him sexually. then if we do have sex, i become uncontrollably obsessed with him, and the less reciporcity of feelings i get, the crazier i get.


Eh. Tell me about it. This describes me. Except that I didn't get crazy in the way of stalking the guy, but crazy for him, doing things for him, etc.

So in addition to being a doormat when it comes to doing favors for him, I'd also made myself looking bad for having sex with him. The less they wanted me the more desperate I was.

This happened two times with two different guys who were more than happy to abuse this.

Then I met my husband who was opposite of this: he never disrespected me and he liked me right from the start. He fell in love with me just the way I am, and because my feelings were reciprocated, they didn't turn into an ugly obsession, but they flourished in a healthy way, building a true love and commitment.



LjosalfrBlot
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19 Nov 2011, 9:43 pm

deconstruction wrote:
I don't act stalkerish, but I become clingy and I offer to do things for him. Often, way too much. This can result in me being used by the guy and becoming a doormat.

My husband didn't react this way, though, so it's good. But guys usually disrespect a woman who'd do anything for them and who is clingy.
Hey, that's not true. I would do anything for my wife to be more clingy :lol:



deconstruction
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19 Nov 2011, 9:53 pm

LjosalfrBlot wrote:
Hey, that's not true. I would do anything for my wife to be more clingy :lol:


Well, I said usually. My husband likes that I'm clingy (well, most of it) and he'd never take advantage of it.

But men in general... Well, they don't like it.

(Sorry if this was a too serious answer and you were joking).



Mego
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19 Nov 2011, 10:10 pm

Actually most of the time I feel the inability to get attached to someone. :cry:

However, this one guy was a constant roller coaster, which I am afraid has damaged me....and has left me feeling crazy because I have no understanding of why.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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19 Nov 2011, 10:21 pm

Depends on where I stand with the other person. I don't get obsessed, though.


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Teredia
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19 Nov 2011, 11:41 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
First we have to be careful that we're not in fact feeling "limerence" which isn't love at all.

I don't know what romantic love is at all. All I know is the kind of affection that is basic.

I agree with Shebokoby a lot here. I get limerence for NT men. and real love for Aspie men.
Cant explain it, but aspie men always trip me up with my obsessiveness i get and such. Call me a stalker n such (this just happend recently). and it was him who turned around and said (Ket, you display aspergers traits, A lot). and I had no clue what that meant or even what AS was at the time, even though i knew he n my best friend had it. I told my bets friend what this guy said and she was so relieved someone else thought the same as her about me.

But yeah I do become obseessive to teh point where its constant contact and such i hate myself for it, but now that im more aware of it i need to try and work on not doing it ^^.
my crush accused me of being psychotic but i promised him i wasnt he believed me, hes actually now a really good friend but im still in love with him.
Im just not what he wants in a GF. =)


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1000Knives
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20 Nov 2011, 12:26 am

Well, I'll usually be sarcastic a bit around them, and like, really aloof, trying to guard myself and my true feelings? I'll try to just keep it friends, and then end up bothering the person to death sorta talking to them about nothing, because I'm too afraid to tell how I actually feel to them. Then they tend to distance themselves from me.

So, to answer shortly, like an idiot.

And my failures hurt a lot, too, I remember a girl I liked in like middle school to 9th grade said she liked guys in red shirts, so I'm 20, almost 21, and wear red shirts 5/7 days a week still, even though I got no idea where this girl is and haven't spoken to her in probably 5 years. So, because girls make me feel, well, like that, I try to not get close to any girls at all really.



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20 Nov 2011, 12:35 am

On a brighter side, red shirts do look good on guys.

(Ok, I know nothing about fashion, so feel free to disregard my comment).



TeaEarlGreyHot
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20 Nov 2011, 12:51 am

I had to look up limerence. I can honestly say I've never been 'in limerence' with anyone.


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seoulgamer
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20 Nov 2011, 5:41 am

I'll generally act cool and defensive, since I'd be afraid of coming across as too clingy otherwise, and I'd try not to come into contact with the person too often or think about them much.

Don't like anyone having that much power over my feelings, so I'd probably just avoid them until they left me alone.


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