What is a relationship?

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ok so you like someone, they like you, you go on a few dates....then what:/
other people seem to have relationships just develop out of thin air and it boggles my mind. i don't understand what you're supposed to do to develop it into 'a relationship' or how you do this. or what is expected of you in a normal relationship:
how do you be a girlfriend/boyfriend!?

this actually sounds really really stupid and basic out of my head, and people probably wont be able to answer because of that, but heyho...

you kiss.
you hang out.
you confide in each other.
move in together.
get married.
have babies.
live happily ever after.

or so i've been led to believe.

Then there are all those sticky parts where expectations get dashed, followed by formulas for coping with it.

OSB, I've never really understood this, either (and I'm 44 now). None of what emlion mentioned comes naturally to me, at all. It's always awkward to get started. Once I've been in it a while, I can get used to it (mostly), but it's very weird to me. There's always the feeling of "other" when I interact with people.

I'm just acutely uncomfortable with people, requiring me to act all the time. I just can't bridge that gap to an intimate relationship, and it's gotten harder, not easier, the older I've gotten. There are so few opportunities at my age and in my situation, too. At least I'm still trying!

i know the definition, i just don't get the how part. like mv said, it doesnt come naturally to me at all like it seems to other people- i feel like i'm struggling to understand something that most people find instinctual and don't even think about. i don't understand how people suddenly find themselves living with someone. or even less advanced than that- how do you even be a girlfriend to someone. if someone says 'do you want to be my girlfriend' i don't feel i can say yes because i don't have a clue how to do that. i understand dating but beyond that i'm just like uhhh

god i sound stupid

Its the Predicted_outcome_value_theory or it is relationships in terms of attraction relationships. People want to be with people who are like them and want to make decisions who are like them.

It basically means: strong friendship + sexual and intimacy exclusivity with someone/others.

Now some would argue that some relationships can be open or just sex buddies, but that's the modern default definition.

Duh, emlion is right, it's no more complicated than that.


You go on the few dates, if theres anything there then it works, if there's nothing then you move on. If it works you don't have to try, it works. If you like the person enough and it's mutual you basically couldn't stop wanting to be around that person and the same for the other person. I suppose im lucky in that ive experienced that, we never stopped texting, phoning, emailing, spending every spare moment we had together. We'd be on the phone for 10 hours at a time sometimes. It just worked.

Oh although we were friends before anything happened, that helped a lot. It helped that we were really comfortable with each other for a good while before she "accidentally" texted me while drunk and said she was in love with me. I was away from home at the time so we planned a meet up a few weeks later, i can still remember that night, even though things didnt work out eventually it was a really great night. We got really drunk and just went out and talked/ moved things on and after that it was just on.

only because you're over thinking it.


“There’s no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves”


Just jump in and stop faffing around.