Afraid to date

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Recently my self confidence has hit even lower lows, and I've been on antidepressants for depression and anxiety. But recently I've learnt that I guy likes me, and I like him. Now normally I suppose this should be nice and simple. We get together and see how it goes. But, it just scares me senseless. Because of low self asteem, I find it hard to trust people, especially guys, I really don't want to get hurt. I also don't know how I will be in a relationship. I can feel trapped, as I like my space, and time alone, I don't know if I can deal with the commitment. I guess it just frightens me to allow someone into my life.

I think a lot of it's about change too. Although I do like him, the idea of my life changing, things being different, also scares me. I dunno if this is an aspie thing or not, I just wish it could be easy to know what to do.

Yes, dating can change your life... but it's not like you're going to move in together right away, so you will still have plenty of personal space and alone time. (Actually it is pretty common for couples who move in together to still have personal space, if there is enough space in the house it is normal for each partner to have an individual office/dressing room/garage/craft room/man cave/etc and sometimes couples even keep separate bedrooms.)

But anyways, try to focus on the positive changes this could bring to your life, like companionship, trust, intimacy, etc. and not the negative changes.

Also consider the possibility that he's just as scared as you are.

I say, if you're scared to date, why date? Who says you have to? Dating is a BS activity anyways, IMO. So much pressure, and it's all just a slightly more evolved form of peacock feathers or shiny fish scales, a way for each to size up the other's compatibility for breeding purposes.

If he likes you, and you like him, to hell with the dating then. Just enjoy each others company. Hang out, keep it casual, each pays for his own, and just focus on enjoying it. If it's not enjoyable, it's a waste of time. Dating caused me too much anxiety and I finally just washed my hands of it, to just go with the flow as it happens, and focus on my personal satisfaction. And especially if you've got self image issues, maybe it's not the right time. Just learn to live in your own skin. Focus on yourself, and not someone else.

awesome advice from both of you! i have nothing to add lol, just being your cheering section here.

Thanks you guys for the advise. Much appreciated. I just have to realise wat it is I want. Maybe the risk will be worth it. Who knows.

It can be a frightening and overwhelming process, I can definitely relate to that sense of needing space or feeling trapped and tied down, you need to find a partner who has very strong understanding and shares a mutual respect with you regarding those issues. As Brianruns10 said, there isn't any pressure or demand for you to be in a relationship, just test the waters and if it feels right for you, do it. At the end of the day, it's your life and it's your experience, you shouldn't let society or anyone else define it for you.

Heh, with me it is at the point where I don't have to worry about whether or not I can trust them. No approach.

This thread is relevant to my interests, and the "Watch this topic for replies" button is being annoying.

I don't see a problem here.

At this juncture in my life, I am not afraid to date - it's more like I am not ready because I have certain goals I have set which take higher priority. Back in August, I sold my house (13 months to do it and I voluntarily dropped the price $100K) because I wanted to rid myself of the albatross around my neck. Another reward is that I don't have to deal with my ex husband (he was another albatross) anymore.

Now, I am ridding myself of furniture and possessions that I just don't need or want anymore. In essence, I have formulated an action plan which will render me a highly mobile freebird - and when I am done - I get a whole new life!

i know you are scared, but i think you should be open to the idea. if you know a guy likes you, i'd say go for it. what is there to lose? maybe in the end he wont like you, but i think you'll still like to share some memories with him.

and who knows, maybe it would be the best thing ever!

have you ever been in a relationship with someone you shared mutual love for? its the best thing ever, in my opinion. especially when you can cuddle a lot

also, dont worry about yourself so much. just do your best to have good hygiene (take care of yourself, i guess, and maybe even wear makeup if you are good at it), and if he likes you then he likes you. if not, he doesnt like you. right? dont worry! it only hurts you, in the end. try to not think about it. whenever you find yourself thinking 'im not good enough', tell yourself 'im not going to think about this'. it helps a lot, i promise.

I am in the same mindset as yourself and am worried about losing my 'alone time', if I ever do eventually date. The funny thing is, I am a 41 year-old guy and still have not managed to conquer this way of thinking.

O: that's a bit like me
*watches*