Hi,
The reason i am here is to talk and learn about Autism.
Firstly - i must point out that it is my girl friend who is autistic / learning disability. Im not sure if autism and learning difficulty is the same thing or not. This is why i am here to speak, ask questions and learn about autism from people who are autistic or know and care for someone who is autistic.
Because i am not sure at this point what exactly my girl friend has i will talk about my relationship how i feel to give people here the best idea i can of my relationship. In hope that people can make opinions, suggestions and give information to me to help me get a better understanding of autism or learning difficulty or both.
Please forgive me if i use any incorrect terms or if i get anything mixed up. I am here to learn and this is my first post on the subject.
For the sake of the post i will call my girl friend liz.
----------
I first started talking to liz on an on-line dating website. Liz did not mention on here dating profile anything about having autism or learning difficulty.
After a few months of messaging one and other we met up in my town centre. I noticed she had a small stutter when she spoke and she was very nervous. However she calmed down when we got a coffee and sat down to chat. I thought liz was just nervous and shy and that she would be more confident in time.
We started meeting once a week, due to the fact we live 45 mins apart.
-------- Communication -------
I first noticed that when talking in text, on phone and in person liz never really returned questions.
Me: hi, how are you ?
Liz: hi, im fine
That was it. (Liz always answers this question by saying "im fine" or "im ok" )
Me: what you up to?
liz: nothing
That was it
Liz would on a rare occasion return a question.
Liz never goes in to detail or tells me any events through out her day unless i actually ask how something was.
Me: how was work today?
Liz: work was ok (sometimes work is not ok and liz will state her issues here if any)
Thats it.
Sometimes things happen to liz such as events which are not serious but are important to our relationships communication which liz does not share with me until days later. This causes confusion and miss understandings.
When liz does start Convosation with me first via text or on the phone she will always just say "hi" and the rest is up to me.
Liz does talk a lot, mainly about movies or any issues with work and family or herself.
Liz does not have anything to say about me, she hardly asks about my work, and if i tell her any issues i have of my own she will just say "aww" liz does not ask any further questions or offer any advice.
Liz does however ask me about my feelings if there is anything she needs to talk about relationship wise.
Liz always says how she feels, even though sometimes i feel what she says and her actions do not add up.
I was once laid with liz and asked her how she felt and liz said "i am ecstatic", she didnt sound ecstatic, she sounded bored and fed up.
I have met Liz parents and they say over the past year that we have been going out together they have noticed her confidence improve and her personality develop. I have failed to see this.
Since been together liz has moved in to her own apartment because she wanted independence, it was my idea for her to move in to an apartment and she agreed, it is in her own town, close to her parents, i did this to see how she copes, she has coped very well and is happy, however she feels somewhat isolated and would like me there everyday, i cant i have work here in my town, it has been discussed with liz and her family and me that liz will move to my town to live with me as the relationship progresses and when we have the funds to do this.
-------- my likes -------
I like liz because she is caring, kind and sometimes funny
Liz makes me feel at home in her apartment
I enjoy our time together, relaxing
Liz is different from other women i have had a relationship with.
Liz has said she wants a future with me
--- my diss likes -----
Liz says things with out taking my feelings in to consideration, such as liz told me that i am not her ideal partner, and she described the looks of her ideal partner to me.
Liz has told me that she is with me because she has "just taken what ever she can get"
Liz has told me she loves me however she later says she doesn't know what love is
----- physical behaviour ------
When i go to meet liz in her apartment or in town, my natural instinct is to hug and kiss, when i do, i feel tension from liz, like she wants to push away when i hug, or she will hug fast and let go.
Liz will never go to hug me first
Liz will never kiss me first, if liz wants a kiss she will stand near me and hover around close to me before asking "can i have a kiss" by a kiss she means a peck on lips, not a snogg as most people would be expecting.
When at her apartment liz will float around, even though i have not seen her for a week or tow she does the cleaning, tidying, washing up, cooking, making drinks, flicking tv over, playing computer games whal am there to spend time with her..
--- sexual relationship ---
Liz has spelt with one person before me.
Liz never makes the first moves
If liz wants sex she will just ask me "so, are we having sex?"
Liz never touches me
her hands stay in the same place, on my hips or chest or arms.
Liz leaves everything to me
Liz does kiss me (snog) in The middle of sex
In relationships you get to know each others body, such as i have learnt what she likes and doesnt like, i have learnt where to kiss and touch to get her going, however i have told liz what i like and dont like too, i help her by telling her where i like to be kissed, on my neck, however she does it once when i ask but she never does it again unless i ask. I feel like she does not learn or pick up things, she doesn't use the things i like to initiate sex. She just askes me to do it.
---
Each time i see liz i feel she is different, some days she will return questions, some days she will totally ignore my question of how are you ? And some days she will just say "im fine"
Some days she takes a bit more part in sex, some days she just lays there or acts awkward like its her first time
I feel like see more reality than liz does, i speak my mind and i believe in what i say. For example what liz thinks is a good idea or good for the future i can stop a floor and say i dont think its a good idea, for this reason she feels like she her head is in the clouds and says i pull her back down to reality, however this does sometimes back fire and some days she will say she hates it that i am always right and feels like she can never win with me.
Liz does have a part time job. However she has been fired from jobs in the past due to lack of communication.
Liz family thinks she has autism, they are awaiting diagnosis
Liz has very few friends
Im not sure if liz would cope moving to my town with me, she thinks its good and happy to do so, she wants kids too.
Part of me thinks liz is with me because she doesnt want to be alone ?
We do have arguments like any couple, however arguments with liz can take weeks or months to resolve.
I dont know if liz loves me or not, i find it hard to get a fixed image of who liz is, her personality, it can and does change.
As much as i like liz , i do love her, i do want to make her happy. I can put up with the situation. Thats why i am here, to learn. To understand.
Its been over a year now that we have been in relationship and i still feel like she is in stage 1 of our relationship. Like every time i see her is like we have just met, shes exactly the same as she was on day 1, and she treats me exactly the same as she did on day 1.
24 Jun 2015, 4:36 am
