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magicbus
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16 Nov 2011, 5:24 am

I sort of like this guy at my school, but I'm very shy around him. Whenever I'm alone with him I get really quiet because I'm afraid of getting on his nerves. I really do want to make conversation with him but I'm not much of a talker. I feel like if I talk I'll say something offensive or I'll get on his nerves. Anyone here feel like this too?


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deconstruction
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16 Nov 2011, 7:44 am

You're definitely not alone. I feel like that all the time. ALL THE TIME. I never know what to say.

It gets even worse if I'm around someone I want to make good impression to. Then it becomes unbearable and I completely shut down and don't say a thing because I think it will be wrong.

I found out that not caring that much about what the person would think helps me. Then I'm relaxed and I talk without worrying too much about what to say.

So, the goal is to relax and don't over think and over analyze what to say.

But I understand it's difficult if you like this person.



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16 Nov 2011, 10:03 am

magicbus wrote:
I sort of like this guy at my school, but I'm very shy around him. Whenever I'm alone with him I get really quiet because I'm afraid of getting on his nerves. I really do want to make conversation with him but I'm not much of a talker. I feel like if I talk I'll say something offensive or I'll get on his nerves. Anyone here feel like this too?


You're putting far too many expectations on yourself and because of it, you're getting too stressed and anxious that by the time you do make the approach, you're too analytical and worried about the outcome or how you will be perceived. I've found the best way to overcome it is to simply go into an interaction without an expectation of any outcome. and just letting the conversation flow naturally, the more relaxed I am, the better it is.



Sirius
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18 Nov 2011, 6:30 pm

I have the same problem with random and unplanned meetings. The way my mind works, I have to build a sentence. When I know who I am going to meet and when, I am able to converse ok, because I rehearse the conversation in my head ahead of time. With random meetups, I am not allowed ample time to build a sentence in my mind, thus being hampered by the lack of preparation. Spontaneity is a non-issue with me.