When does infatuation become "real"?

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Many people have experienced the initial stages of a romantic relationship where you are completely, irrationally, perhaps even psychotically, infatuated with someone. I think to a certain degree this is a normal part of the bonding process.

Eventually it will/must settle down into something more ordinary and sustainable, or else disappear completely because it was not "real" in the first place.

When/how do you know if you genuinely have a deep connection with someone and not just a hormone-induced euphoria?

It took about 3 months after hanging out with the person before I started getting deeper feelings but they always would bring up age difference problems and these feelings that grew more and more for a year and then it came out that it wasn't an age difference problem it was really my looks and personality and the feelings I was having werent mutual and it was another person on the spectrum too. There is more but way too hurtful.

I think once you can settle down and start seeing her/him more objectively. There's definitely a turning point, the dates become more quietly comfortable than exciting, etc. Your sense returns, and you start to notice things, good and bad, that you didn't notice before. When does this happen? Depends on the nature and dynamics of the relationship.

Just feel what you feel, not what you're "supposed" to feel.
I don't think you can judge by anyone else's experiences, or your own prior ones, even.

Frankly, I don't think there is a difference at first. Infatuation is infatuation: as you wrote, a hormone-induced euphoria. It's what you do with it that will make the difference. In other words, you don't know whether a connection is "real" or not, you make it that way. And whether one of you or both are willing to make it a deep connection rather than let it die down is a complex phenomenon that depends on many parameters: physical attraction, temperament's compatibility, curiosity towards the other, willingness to commit, depending on your stand on those and many others the relationship will grow, die, or become something different (infatuations can also end up as deep friendships rather than love).

So don't expect an answer to your question: there is no moment that you just "know" you have a deep connection with someone, because that's not how it works. That deep connection is something you make, not something that just happens. And don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Some people have that romantic idea of the "right one" they will one day suddenly come across, and everything will be perfect from the very beginning, i.e. "just right". It's a nice fantasy, but that's all what it is. Relationships are work, they don't succeed by themselves. They are something you create together, a mutual goal you agree on, whether you do it consciously or not.

And that, in my opinion, is a far more romantic thought than the idea of a connection just "magically" appearing out of nowhere.

Sure there’s a hormonal component to falling in love. There’s also a hormonal component to staying love, bonding with our children, and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships of all kinds (including with pets). So what?
This surge is designed to help us to get to know each other; it feels so good that we can’t help but give that newborn infant, new lover, or tiny puppy our unconditional attention. This intense focus lets learn about each other as efficiently as possible- because of that, of course, we can learn some things we don't like so much, and the whole things can burn out. The inflaming/burning out is much less likely to be a common pattern for people who know what they like and develop crushes based on emotional/intellectual/lifestyle preferences than lust, obviously, but lust tends to insinuate itself into infatuations even if they don't begin as physical attraction.
The biggest potential problem, as I see it, is that certain people experience withdrawal from the initial surge, and such people often do whatever they can to seek the high again. These people tend to have addictive personalities, extremely poor impulse control, and/limited insight/maturity.
My ex was one of these; when I was blissfully melting into the serene, intimate ‘second stage’ of our relationship, he was mourning the loss of the initial obsession. Whereas I perceived the changes in our relationship as indicators of deepening trust and security, he perceived rejection. He would crumble if I disagreed with him- and I’m not talking about bickering, just simple differences in perspective. And suddenly, he was equal parts bored with domestic life and jealous/possessive of my time and independence.
I didn’t know it at the time, but he started seeking that thrill of uncertainty and adoration with other women. Online, at first, but then in person. He had a string of relationships with women he barely knew, and he became increasingly physically and emotionally aggressive . But as soon as he could manipulate a strong reaction from me, whether it was tears or fear, he would instantly become the “wonderful,” tender guy I’d fallen in love with. For people like this, infatuation is addictive because it gives you a control over another person’s emotions that you don’t feel you actually deserve.
The person who needs to ‘wow you from the gate’ is usually someone who knows they aren’t capable of running the whole race. They need to be loved, but they don’t feel they deserve love. Eventually, it made him just as happy to know that he could make me cry as it once had to know he could make me laugh.

So, who are you? Do you need constant validation to feel good about yourself? Most people desire some validation, but do you fall apart without it?
Do you need constant sexual attention to feel desirable?
Do you need someone to adore you in order to feel good enough for them?
Do you need a woman who is going to worship you, or pretend to, just to feel like you’re worthy of her?
Maybe most importantly of all, you need to know what is more important to you: how you feel about her, or how she makes you feel about yourself.

The very best and the very worst relationships start out this way, IMO; it’s really up to you to know who you are and what you’re capable of.

plus, it's fun.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XTe8L_NCd8[/youtube]

[Double Post]

How did that happen?

I don't know what the hell people mean by what a real feeling is supposed to be. Do they mean a feeling that lasts? Or is it just that only "deep" feelings count as "real" feelings? The way I see it, all feelings are real since you can feel them. Circular logic right? Sure, until you take in the underlying assumption that feelings aren't just "in your head" but are a real product of your beliefs and perceptions. They also exist physically so that itself blows the whole notion of "It's all in your head" out of the water.

Hey, Grisha; it's good to hear of this about-face for you in the dating realm.

FullofStars covered it brilliantly.

I don't pro port to know when limerence will becomes a real bond, but I do have a prosaic rule of thumb. Enjoy the cathexis, but don't move the beloved into your life, lock & stock and barrel until you've dated for at least a year.

This has two virtues; it weeds out lovers who demand unrealistic trust before it's warranted; insanely insecure lovers who demand commitment because they KNOW you won't stay together with them aside form wholesale life entanglement. And it just plain allows your love and spiritual attachment to grow (or not) gradually without the pressure of full fledged economic and home life enmeshment.

What's moving the beloved into your life, lock & stock and barrel? Enmeshing offspring, becoming pregnant, enmeshing finances/career, and dare I say; moving in together.