It turns out it is completely possible... even for me.

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VincentVanJones
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28 Nov 2011, 4:20 pm

Well, after being single for 20 years, I can now say I have been in a super happy, healthy, and stable relationship for over 3 months now. Ironically I met said person about 4 days after I stopped caring so much. My best friend told me to just stop caring (he has AS) and that's when he found his GF (over a year solid for them). She was in my degree, which has a very high attrition rate, so when I saw her after class the first week (she is first semester) I went over to wish her luck. What was going to be a quick good-luck turned into a 2 hour conversation. We have more in common then should be allowed but hey, it works for us...

I am not a super stud but I do take decent care of myself and am not in horrendous shape. Still, I had/have self esteem issues and until recently have been unable to see at all what she sees in me... I lucked out, shes super smart, attractive, has a great personality, and is kind. She also likes guns, martial arts, anime, programming, video games, the same types of books/movies, chainemaille/metal working, etc (like I said, scary match). It's hard to find a girl who not only likes to wrestle, but that if I am not 100% I will get tossed across (I am 6'5" and 220lbs... and she is 5'10ish and like 140lbs, shes obnoxiously strong though doesn't look it) a room

So, to all those single aspies out there, don't sweat it. I know it seems like a bit of a hippo-critical comment but seriously, when I stopped trying so hard and started to be myself, I found a girl who loves me for me. I also have another friend with AS who has been in a long term (7 months+) relationship that hes very happy with. It can be especially frustrating if you are young like me. Funny thing, since I started dating 2 girls have hit on me and one offered to hook me up with a friend, and before girls wouldn't talk to me. I think it is true what they say, when you care about yourself people notice.

So, good luck to everyone, don't give up hope.



Asp-Z
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28 Nov 2011, 4:22 pm

You always find the best relationships when you're not out looking for them :)

Congratulations, I wish the best for you in the future :)



OneStepBeyond
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28 Nov 2011, 4:24 pm

lol being single for 20years doesn't count when you're 20. i thought you were like 40 or something



VincentVanJones
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28 Nov 2011, 4:33 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
lol being single for 20years doesn't count when you're 20. i thought you were like 40 or something


It does when it counts as your first real relationship ever and even when putting on a smile you constantly feel that something is wrong with you when everyone around you seems to be happy and in relationships.



Grisha
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28 Nov 2011, 4:34 pm

I love hearing stories like this - congratulations! :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Nov 2011, 4:44 pm

It's not that atypical for a guy to have a first relationship at 20.

Anyways, bravo.



VincentVanJones
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28 Nov 2011, 4:47 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It's not that atypical for a guy to have a first relationship at 20.

Anyways, bravo.


Thanks. Also until recently I don't think I would have made a very good BF, but this all came at the perfect time for me. I like you Avatar btw.



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28 Nov 2011, 5:12 pm

Congratulations. But as you said yourself, you lucked out. I have some very uncommon interests too, but I know better than to assume I'll find a woman with a mind like my own weird one. Unless I am also lucky.



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28 Nov 2011, 7:02 pm

I had my first at 27. It lasted two weeks before I decided that the distance (transatlantic!) would be too much of a problem.


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VincentVanJones
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29 Nov 2011, 4:15 am

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
I had my first at 27. It lasted two weeks before I decided that the distance (transatlantic!) would be too much of a problem.


Transatlantic..... holy cow.. well, props for even trying that. In my experience LDR's never work out (well, friends experiences) except in rare cases.



DialAForAwesome
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29 Nov 2011, 7:10 am

Magnus_Rex wrote:
Congratulations. But as you said yourself, you lucked out. I have some very uncommon interests too, but I know better than to assume I'll find a woman with a mind like my own weird one. Unless I am also lucky.


Agreed. Luck strikes again.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2011, 7:30 am

I don't believe much in luck



DialAForAwesome
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29 Nov 2011, 12:10 pm

There are plenty of good people who never get snatched up, and by that vein, there are plenty of bad people who do. Some people spend their lives getting crapped on and having to work fast food their whole lives, living paycheck to paycheck (and trying and failing for their whole lives to find a good job, or don't have the money to go to a trade school, or hell, they even go to a trade school and it leads nowhere), while others get stuff handed to 'em all the time. I've watched so many people sit on their butts not doing anything yet they have great jobs and stable relationships. What other explanation could there be than luck? :wink:

Saying that there is someone for everyone/you'll find someone when you're not looking isn't realistic in the least bit. Not looking pretty much lowers your chances of finding someone depending on the person. And if there's someone for everyone, hermits and cat ladies wouldn't exist.

I'd say Vincent is incredibly lucky in this situation. He seems like a good person, but face it, this definitely would not have happened without fate being in his favor.


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TheygoMew
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29 Nov 2011, 1:42 pm

Were you looking for a relationship fresh out of the womb?



VincentVanJones
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29 Nov 2011, 2:13 pm

TheygoMew wrote:
Were you looking for a relationship fresh out of the womb?


Haha no, I had no interest in girls until 10th grade... And part of my problem back then was I had much more severe AS so to speak (IE not great BF material) and most high-schoolers want to date, not be in a relationship.



TheygoMew
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29 Nov 2011, 3:59 pm

Congrats!