How did I handle this situation? How should I?

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

20 Nov 2011, 7:26 pm

One of my college classes, for the first few weeks this attractive girl smiled at me whenever I looked her way. One day she approached me unexpectedly after class at night alone and we talked. I was not expecting that so I did not pursue her.

The next week, I realized that there's a 60% chance she's attracted to me, so I approached her and got her number. We texted (I found out she was a high school student, with a job, and college credits) the next night. Before I ended the convo, I said I'd love to call her the next day.

She said sure, and that I should text her and she would tell me when. The next day I texted her asking when to call. I lost my phone. The next day I used the home phone to call her. She was at work, I said I couldn't call because I lost my phone, and the conversation was very brief since she had to get back to work.

I then get my phone the next day and see she never texted me when to call that other day. The lack of communication was bad because I was going to set up a date. I decided NOT to text or call her again that week as that would be a weak desperate move. And I didn't.

I waited until after the next class (which was last week) to see her in person. She stayed 15 minutes to talk to the teacher, and I didn't so the timing was inconvenient. I caught a glimpse of her, but ultimately for some reason, I didn't want to go chasing or looking for her. And then there's Thanksgiving Break so I won't see her for 2 weeks.

She could be uninterested or somewhat interested and just feels that the guy should make the first move. I'm probably going to approach her after the break rather than call/text her beforehand (so she does not think she did something wrong), but I highly doubt I'm interested in pursuing her. Especially if I have to strategize it like a damn chess game.

Your thoughts?

I just wanted to check if I handled this all correctly.



Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

20 Nov 2011, 10:05 pm

i need to follow this advice too. Dont panic, relax, try calling her at a more apropriate time, like after work etc.explain to her calmly what happend and appologise if you feel u have been a goof. if you havent she should be like "no need to appologise" or something.
anyways dont make her think your avoiding her, also a bad move, but dont make her feel smothered either (hard mix i know).
anyways i hope this helps a lill.



deconstruction
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Aug 2011
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,764

20 Nov 2011, 10:25 pm

Just a personal opinion, but don't ignore her for too long. There's a fine line between appearing too desperate and appearing not interested that no Aspie knows how to follow. But I'd say it's safe to contact her now and explain what happened.



minervx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2011
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,155
Location: United States

20 Nov 2011, 10:38 pm

Teredia wrote:
i need to follow this advice too. Dont panic, relax, try calling her at a more apropriate time, like after work etc.explain to her calmly what happend and appologise if you feel u have been a goof. if you havent she should be like "no need to appologise" or something.
anyways dont make her think your avoiding her, also a bad move, but dont make her feel smothered either (hard mix i know).
anyways i hope this helps a lill.


Not to invalidate what you are saying, but I'm not purposely trying to avoid her.

I texted her (without a response after she said she would text me). I called her (she was busy). And she never responded back.

I do wish to initiate the conversation, but texting is too weak of a bond and will fall apart really quickly. Better in person.



Vigilans
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,181
Location: Montreal

20 Nov 2011, 11:49 pm

Why not call her up and see if she wants to hang out some time over the break?

Texting *is* a weak bond and I wouldn't take it too hard if she hasn't replied yet.


_________________
Opportunities multiply as they are seized. -Sun Tzu
Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many -Machiavelli
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do


SoftlyStepping
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 310

21 Nov 2011, 2:56 am

The best way to get an intuitive feel for the dating dynamics is to do it a lot. It's a skill to be able to find a girlfriend.

It takes practice, it takes messing up and seeing how she responds.

If you keep trying with a lot of women you will discover a technique that works for you. And you will be comfortable every time.

Online dating is a source to find women. Okcupid has the quality you want.

You will be more confident in the relationship knowing you can find another girlfriend if it doesn't work out. And this makes it more likely that it will be a lasting relationship.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,149
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Nov 2011, 4:19 am

This how you deal with girls:

If you ignore for too long she would think you're not interested.

If you talk to her too much she would think you're desperate

If you ask her out too early , she would think you're desperate

If you ask her out too late, you would be friend-zoned or someone else would.

If you flirt her too much, she would think you're desperate

If you flirt her too little, she would think you're not interested.

If you....

...f**k that...


Honestly, this all changes depending on how attractive you are to her.



SoftlyStepping
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 310

21 Nov 2011, 4:33 am

Either you know it or you don't. The question is, do you WANT to.



Teredia
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 631
Location: Australia

21 Nov 2011, 4:37 am

minervx wrote:
Teredia wrote:
i need to follow this advice too. Dont panic, relax, try calling her at a more apropriate time, like after work etc.explain to her calmly what happend and appologise if you feel u have been a goof. if you havent she should be like "no need to appologise" or something.
anyways dont make her think your avoiding her, also a bad move, but dont make her feel smothered either (hard mix i know).
anyways i hope this helps a lill.


Not to invalidate what you are saying, but I'm not purposely trying to avoid her.

I texted her (without a response after she said she would text me). I called her (she was busy). And she never responded back.

I do wish to initiate the conversation, but texting is too weak of a bond and will fall apart really quickly. Better in person.


I never said you were trying to ignore her, i said Dont make her think you are



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,149
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

21 Nov 2011, 5:34 am

Teredia wrote:
i need to follow this advice too. Dont panic, relax, try calling her at a more apropriate time, like after work etc.explain to her calmly what happend and appologise if you feel u have been a goof. if you havent she should be like "no need to appologise" or something.
anyways dont make her think your avoiding her, also a bad move, but dont make her feel smothered either (hard mix i know).
anyways i hope this helps a lill.


I got panicked just by reading this.



SoftlyStepping
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 5 Nov 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 310

21 Nov 2011, 10:57 am

Someday I'm going to start underlining things.