Making a NT female - Aspie male relationship work

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Hi everyone,

I am new to this so this is my first forum entry.

I started dating an amazing man who thinks might have Aspergers but who was never officially diagnosed.

He broke up with saying I was too emotional -even though most people accuse me of being too cold- and that he could never provide for my emotional needs and he has completely shut down on me. I know he is the right person for me but when we were together I was focusing so much on myself and the fact that he was so cold, insensitive and emotionally blind to my needs that I needed the time off to remember and reflect upon the fact that his teachers in high school thought he might have Aspergers.

How do you make it work? Do you have any tips as of what I can say/do to make him realize that even if our issues cannot be solved, we should keep trying?

Best,

Crazy - in - Love

uhoh uhoh uhoh ohnono

ahem

i think a few people here are in this situation. i imagine they will be along soon

Be less emotional? If that's the problem, it seems like a fairly easy one to fix

the thing is, i am not at all that emotional! but yes, i know i have to be less demanding when it comes to him showing emotional support, but for him, that means i will be giving up something i need and he doesn't want that.

also, he thinks he tried really hard and he failed and aspies have a problem with failure. the problem though is that even if he did try, i am the one who didn't cause i ignored/forgot about his aspergers....

i just wished i had been more aware of how hard this was going to be

I've made relationships with NTs work a lot better than relationships with Aspies. The key is simply to find a person who you "click" with. You won't get along perfectly with all Aspies and you won't get along badly with all NTs. People are a spectrum. The guy who dumped you was obviously not right for you, so find someone who is. Don't feel as if there's something wrong with you because of it.

This.

Find someone who likes you as you are.

If you change yourself, he will just think of another fault to dump you for, if he liked you enough he would like you as you are. You have not been together for years for him to find you grateing, if you have failings in his eyes at this stage imagine the list he will have in three years!

I will repeat myself, find someone who likes you as you are.

hmm.

If you're not emotional, and you're being told you are.. you don't seem like a match. He needs someone who is not emotional at all.

Do you know why you were told you were emotional?

what if theres more to it than this? maybe the guy is afraid of being adequate enough or something, and doesnt want to tie up the 'relationship status' of someone he thinks is really great when he feels he isnt good enough, or something like that.

i'd try to talk it out with him. gather your thoughts and write them down and memorize them.

if it doesnt work out, move on.

I could spend all night speculating on what his reasons might be, but I think he was pretty clear about his intentions. No matter how hard you've tried to make this work, if it's not meant to be...

Best of luck to you.

Perhaps he just felt pressure or expectations were on him to provide for your emotional needs and in doing so he needed space. I'm definitely like this in relationships, if someone becomes too clingy or emotionally bearing, I tend to withdraw or close myself from them and find it very difficult to open up to someone again. I would say that for this to work, it will take compromise and patience and if you're really willing to put in the effort, it could have a chance of working. The fact is he probably isn't aware of being emotionally blind but he is now aware that he isn't supporting you emotionally and I think you need to let him go to come to terms with who he is and let him find himself.