Overcoming an Aversion to Touch

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I'm curious as to how people dealt with / are dealing with the paradox of wanting human partnership but having negative or overly intense reactions to being touched.

Did you ever overcome that obstacle?
Did your reaction to being touched change over time?
^- in general, or just with a particular person?

Not trying to pry into personal lives, don't need any lurid details. That's probably better left to the adult forum.

If you had a revelation about this or used some technique when struggling with these issues that you think other people would benefit from hearing, though, feel free to share!

I'm curious too, as I have a 16 year old son who seems averse to touch. More so as he has become older, than when he was younger. As an NT who has ADHD with some aspie traits, it can be quite frustrating not knowing whether to try and hug him or not. I never know what reaction he will give.

I don't have much of a problem with hugs and stuff, but light touches give me some trouble. My boyfriend likes to lighty graze his fingers across my skin at times and it just drives me nuts. Anything lighter than basically rubbing literally tickles me, and though that can sometimes be fun or silly, imagine living with someone constantly tickling you, and you know what I mean. All he's trying to do is be nice and affectionate, so I try to deal with it the best I can, but it's tough. I guess the best way to sum it up, is that socially I am fine with affection now, but due to my tactile sensitivities, someone has to know HOW to touch me for me to tolerate it well. As far as techniques, I try really hard to focus on something else and wait for it to stop in most cases, sometimes I will just grab his hand and hold it with a smile and a peck on the cheek, and that usually works.

I voted for Other reaction (specify if you want to) I never liked being touched. I have a diagnoses of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being bullied a lot as a kid but I'm pretty sure I'm an Aspie thou. I jump when I'm touched unexpectedly & my mom says I hated being held as a toddler. I LOVE affection with my partner thou & I developed a secret desire for affection before we met but I've always been anti-affection with everyone even after I started desiring it. It's different with my partner because we really connect, I feel close to her, I trust her, & I love her: she's an Aspie as well btw.

When I first started dating, I wouldn't let my boyfriend hug me. Except for rare occasions, whereupon he had to ask permission. Then I dated a guy who was so into PDA that he would literally pull me into his lap and make out with me in front of his mother. I basically eventually got used to it, so he sort of knocked me out of my aversion. So now I'm comfortable with touching when it's with a significant other.

Though I still absolutely *hate* being touched, hugged, etc, by anyone else. I hate when I must shake hands for introductions, or hug my family members at holidays. I wish there was some socially acceptable way to decline such normal things without offending.

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I've never had an issue with physical contact so long as its warranted and it doesn't catch me off guard from behind. As for intimate physical contact as in a romantic/sexual relationship, I am actually a very physically affectionate person.

Why is it so painful?

I hate the light touching but bear hugs etc, don't bother me in the slightest. But for some reason when somebody squeezes my shoulder or touches my arm or whatever it is the most uncomfortable feeling ever it is a feeling which you can't explain. I try counting to ten in my head when somebody touches me but I still hate it! I upset my family when I yell at them to stop doing it and they think I'm making it up but they don't understand.

I don't like being touched when it comes to friends and especially people I don't know. My family has never been able to give me a hug without me feeling really uncomfortable. The only person that I am ok with touching me is my partner, but I still need space sometimes or I will feel smothered. Eye contact during sex is f**cking weird and I think it's kind of silly anyways LOL

I don't like being touch at all times. I've lived together with my fiance for over 4 years now, and it is stressful sometimes. For both of us. He likes being close, hugging, kissing, touching. While I'm quite ok with just hugging sometimes and don't really know how to touch him, since it's not a nice feeling for me.
It is like one said earlier up in the thread, painful and ticklish to be touched very gently. He likes stroking me gently in the mornings, when I havn't yet woken up. And apprently I'm more sensitive then. I get angry and upset, since it hurts and is very uncomfortable. Which ofc, is very hard for him to understand..

I honestly don't know how to approach him with touches and stuff.