How I try to court women

Post Reply New Topic

Made this in Xtranormal; the blond-haired guy is me:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EVM-8GDT9k[/youtube]

What is my character doing wrong in this sequence?

The girl in that was really pretty!

I think I know what you did "wrong" first because this is something people get onto me about a lot. Apparently you're not supposed to tell people they're attractive even if they're attractive because it makes them feel violated or something. You're supposed to complement something like their clothes. I refuse to do this, however, since they are attractive, not their clothes.

Also, I think you made yourself too obvious when you said she was attractive and then asked for her phone number because then she knew you wanted to date her and she probably had a visceral reaction, possibly because she felt like you saw her as a thing to be dated and not an actual person. I know you probably don't actually feel this way, but I can see why others would think that because that's how a lot of males present themselves.

Maybe instead you could compliment a feature of her (clothes, necklace, shoes, etc.) and then talk to her a little more if she lets you. You could try to find something you have in common with her if there's time. When time runs out, maybe then you can try asking for her phone number.

I would never do what I just suggested because I like to know people better before I court them and because I don't want to pretend I'm attracted to a girl's shoes when I'm really attracted to her beautiful body, but this would probably work better if you care about practicality and/or don't know many people.

I would really suggest making friends with someone before trying to date them, but again, this may work better for you in terms of getting dates.

I actually did compliment a girl's Afro once, so that's a start.

I've heard of the whole "don't tell people you find them attractive" thing, but it's always confused me. You think people would appreciate receiving such compliments. I certainly would if someone called me attractive.

I second the tip about complimenting her clothes or jewelry rather than her. Even if it's her that's pretty.

Don't go so fast in getting to the phone number topic or even the complimenting topic- discuss something else first, like what you thought of a recently released movie, for example.
Or you could start with the compliment and work from there, but be careful to steer the conversation off of her and onto something else. For example: "That's a gorgeous necklace, it looks like it came from a tropical island of some sort" and she might reply, "Close, it's from Mexico." In that case, you could say, "Mexico? When were you there?" (note that now you're talking about her travels in a country rather than how she looks. People get uncomfortable when the topic of conversation is their physical appearance).

No, you are supposed to compliment something about their personality.

Suppose everyone says "gosh you're pretty" the first time they see you.

It gets a little redundant after a while.

A classy guy just has a normal conversation without the compliments.

I would recommend you actually engage interest somehow before attempting to move it on to asking for a date or number or whatever. I know the video is a cartoon and probably not entirely representative of real conversations you have, but still.

Create a connection first.

And I agree with the compliments thing. That's cheap stuff guys throw around in hopes that it might work.

It all depends how attractive you are to her.

If she finds you attractive, then your direct approach would be called 'being assertive' or 'confident'/straightforward.

If she doesn't find you attractive, it would be called rudeness or typical.

If she finds you attractive and you take the indirect approach, then you would be called a non-desperate confident.

If she doesn't find you attractive and you take the indirect approach,then you would be called non-confident and lack balls.

The WHOLE impression change depending on how attractive you are.

The only thing that really matters is to keep good manners (and that's easy if you're good mannered) and to hope she finds you attractive.

yes, this.

I'd advise you to just drop the compliments altogether. it destroys the mystery. if she thinks you might be talking to her just because you're a friendly guy who makes friends with random strangers, chances are she'll be more relaxed talking to you than if you declared your interest/attraction to her explicitly.

also, is it just me or is the word "hobby" kinda weird? it makes me think of collecting stamps and such. there's some archaic ring to it. I'd rather be asked what I do outside work/school, what I do for fun or something like that. might be just my allergy to the word though.

Let me analyze here, one thing people criticize me for is talking too much about myself, and you did that in this, imo. The other thing, too, in my opinion, it's better a lot of times to wait for a girl to talk to you. One way I manage to talk to girls, is like, try to start a discussion about something, like, typical thing, the weather. Or if you're at like, the convenience store, strike up a conversation about like...coffee. You're trying to sorta speed date through in your initial meeting, you're exchanging names and personal information, to me anyway, that's sorta bad. Another thing, too, with phones is that, phone number is cliche like "I wanna go out" if you got facebook or something, and still wanna know this girl, facebook and internet communication in general is a bit more neutral. But really, I think a big part of it is like, try to not pressure her, if you apply too much pressure, girls will just be like "huh what the f**k, I've known this guy for like 1 minute, why am I gonna go out with him?"

Main thing you should try to do, find common ground in conversation. Think about it, what would you do if a guy asked you what you were majoring in and your work? You'd be like "wtf." Common ground is everything. So with psychology or whatever said girl was majoring in, then go into a conversation about her psychology major, your opinions on it, etc.

Alot of it too is like, unless you're like Brad Pitt (women apparently think he's hot) girls aren't gonna be like "damn I wanna bone him right now" after your first initial conversation. To me, striking up conversations like that, while not like, a bad thing, if you seriously think anything will happen from them, it's like a telemarketting cold call. If you really wanna "sell" somebody something, it tends to be a lot easier if they actually wanna buy it. I mean, it's good to talk to women to let them know you like, exist, but beyond that, don't worry terribly much. So in a sense, the way I look at just "hitting on" girls like that is I'm just sort of annoying them. So, it's better to get to know them somewhat in a natural fashion, in more or less the same way you would any male friend (ie, have you ever had a male friend you exchanged phone numbers with after a minute of talking?), then see if romance will "work" and the hard part will be seriously trying to pursue romance after that point.

I don't know, that's my opinion. I've never had a girlfriend ever, so I don't know how my advice is. Part of me, too, is just very gunshy, I could just go out and get a "girlfriend" like today, but I'm more the type waiting for "the one" as I don't want the failure associated with dating random girls forever and ever. One thing I can recommend, lose some weight and stuff. It helped me a bit, if you're attractive, basically it gives you more margin of error in everything you do in life. It'll also build your confidence up a ton. Confidence is cool, but you can still be confident and dumb, haha. I don't know, recently I had a girl literally ask me for MY facebook, and my number, and she apparently wanted a date. I never had that happen before when I wasn't working out and all that stuff, so you know, if you look good, you can be more or less a complete idiot and still be well off. Unfortunately, I basically blew off this girl, she was like "do you know anything fun to do" and I just was like "no, I don't really do anything fun." I'm almost defensive about girls, I guess, sort of an idiot move on my part, but uh, hey, c'est la vie. For me, though, I find it significantly easier to improve my aesthetics and wear nicer clothes and all that, I see it as basically being like "free." It takes no effort on my part besides paying like 50c for Aeropostale shirts at Salvation Army, and it, in RPG terms adds like +5 Charisma, so yeah.

OK, I'll stop rambling now.

You need to ask more questions. Women love to talk. Once you get them talking it should be touch and go for you. I notice you approach the woman and ask her what she is studying and then reply by describing what you are up to. This isn't what you should do. Remember, you approached her, if you walk up to a person and just talk about yourself, they might be weirded out. It seems more like you are trying to establish a professional relationship. You need to amuse her but also make it seem as if you are interested but not desperate. Try a joke (something clever/witty), or saying something unexpected, that will make her curious about you. Don't be afraid to tease her or push her buttons a little. If she is thinking about you after you walk away (don't talk for too long) then you're getting there

What's your hobby, hubby?

as said above, not enough connection was built to ask for phone number.
not much potential in that situation as she only had one minute to talk.
talking about classes is a good opener, but its very nuetral, boring, and worst of all cliche.
get into a really interesting fun conversation before you ask for phone number.

Vigilans advice was good but don't try to be witty if it's not your nature. Ask your questions but let her question you too, otherwise it seems like a one sided conversation.

I like being complimented, but maybe say your pretty, or compliment clothes hair etc..

It's weird wording if you say "you are attractive" I don't know why it comes off as weird. Unless there are already mutual feelings there... then maybe it's less weird. I had a guy once talking to me that asked me if I planned to ever conceive.. it would have been less weird if he asked me if I ever planned to have children.

Another thing is you just met, don't ask for the phone number. Phone numbers should be given out after you have actually became friends.

I'm really quiet, so talking about yourself isn't a bad thing. For quiet people like me, if the guy doesn't talk about himself our conversation ends, until I get comfortable being around that person enough to start talking on my own without having to be asked questions.

Yeah this is true. Don't try and be something you aren't. If you can't make a joke, or say something witty, see what she is currently up to and ask her about it, or make a comment in regards to it. If she does ask you questions answer them but try and turn them around to be about her. You're interested in *her*, *you* approached her, so ideally you want to learn about her to see if she is friendship material, and maybe more. Simultaneously also showing her that you are interested in her as a person, and eventually as a woman. What anna-banana said is also really good advice, you just want to come off as a friendly guy who likes meeting new people. Women can usually tell if you're trying to play them with your "game".