Just something I found elsewhere that could help some users

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spongy
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08 Dec 2011, 11:51 am

That are having issues with their appearance...

TownMouse wrote:
Ok. None of this is going to sound particularly original or insightful but this is what I would have told my younger self, when I felt depressingly asexual most of the time. I started writing and it became an essay, so I’ll make it a two-parter. Long term advice first (and, needless to say, it’s all subjective – please don’t take offence!):

Long term: Firstly, take a long, hard, critical look at yourself. Even better, get someone else’s advice (I’ve never had the guts to do this - they have to be someone whose opinions you really trust and respect).

Is there anything that you WANT to change about your appearance and that you could practically achieve (non-surgically!) ? I’m not talking perfection, I’m talking ‘healthy and happy’. I mean, do you have bad skin that gets you down? Are you overweight? Underweight? Bad teeth? Look at your posture – good posture is an easy way to improve how confident and attractive you appear to others. Some of this might take a bit of investment (money and time) but will be worth it. I had a bout of bad acne in my early twenties and just stubbornly accepted it for a while. When I finally took myself off to the doctors and was prescribed topical antibiotics, it was clear within a few months and my skin has been fine ever since. If you have decided on a ‘regime’ of some type (weight loss, bulking up, eating healthier etc etc) stick to it LIKE A MACHINE. You might have to try a few different things to find what works, but keep plodding away. Remember that life is short and this is the best chance you are ever going to get at it.

Hair and clothes: Aim for ‘clean and classic’. Work with what you’ve got – if you have curly hair, don’t try to make it straight - learn how to take care of it. If you are naturally short and stocky, don’t try to dress like someone tall and skinny. Lots of department stores now offer a free style consultation, which might be worth a go. If you’re not sure what looks good, aim for neutral colours, nice fabrics, classic style and a good fit (eg. some good jeans, a couple of nice shirts and sweaters, a decent jacket and pair of shoes/a couple of skirts and dresses if you’re a girl +/ into that!). Then you can jazz it up when you get more confident about what you look good in. You can often find something great in a thrift store if money is a problem. Shower so you smell good all the time, keep your hair clean and your breath fresh. Men, you are lucky to have the bonus facial hair ‘accessory’ to play around with and see what works for you.

From here http://incel.myonlineplace.org/forum/sh ... hp?t=12822


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auntblabby
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08 Dec 2011, 12:04 pm

an important thing, no matter your basic body type, is to be fit. you will feel so much better if you are comfortable in your own body, and physical fitness is key.



mar00
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08 Dec 2011, 12:24 pm

auntblabby wrote:
an important thing, no matter your basic body type, is to be fit. you will feel so much better if you are comfortable in your own body, and physical fitness is key.

Not to mention health benefits. It makes unbelievable difference, at least it did to me. Hard to keep up but worth it. It can also be fun.



MR20
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08 Dec 2011, 12:27 pm

How do you do this when you have no money? How are you supposed to feel attractive when you're slow, ugly, poor, AND boring. It's obvious no one wants to date someone like that.



Mikelight
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08 Dec 2011, 12:29 pm

I recently talked to a guy who trained with Navy Seals...

I told him that I wanted to start building some arm muscles and he basically told me that a decent diet and pushups were all I needed to start building good muscle.

Now I just need to stop procrastinating and start exercising.



auntblabby
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08 Dec 2011, 12:38 pm

MR20 wrote:
How do you do this when you have no money? How are you supposed to feel attractive when you're slow, ugly, poor, AND boring. It's obvious no one wants to date someone like that.


i live in somewhat genteel poverty, and i manage to stay fit by not having enough to eat [food is expensive] and by walking everyday [the present cold weather is too much to bike in here] for 45 minutes. in warmer weather i ride my bike up and down the hills here for 2 hours or so most days, this keeps me fairly taut and fit. it took me a while to build up to the level of being able to climb hills without my heart pounding out of my chest and me turning my lungs inside out from huffing and puffing so hard.



auntblabby
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08 Dec 2011, 12:41 pm

mar00 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
an important thing, no matter your basic body type, is to be fit. you will feel so much better if you are comfortable in your own body, and physical fitness is key.

Not to mention health benefits. It makes unbelievable difference, at least it did to me. Hard to keep up but worth it. It can also be fun.


it would be fun for me if i were in a different body [one without arthritis and other ailments]. as it is, it is tolerable most days. but the alternative is even more physical distress. so the choices for me are between mediocre well-being versus severe chronic illness.



Wolfheart
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08 Dec 2011, 1:35 pm

spongy wrote:
That are having issues with their appearance...


You can blow thousands on looking good but confidence and being comfortable in your own skin comes from the inside and there is nothing more attractive than someone who has acceptance and comfort in who they are. You can be a beautiful physical specimen, but if you're empty as far as what it takes to be a person, and that shows up real fast.



spongy
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09 Dec 2011, 12:58 am

Wolfheart wrote:
spongy wrote:
That are having issues with their appearance...


You can blow thousands on looking good but confidence and being comfortable in your own skin comes from the inside and there is nothing more attractive than someone who has acceptance and comfort in who they are. You can be a beautiful physical specimen, but if you're empty as far as what it takes to be a person, and that shows up real fast.

Im aware of that and Ive been trying to be comfortable with my own skin for a while.

As a matter of fact the post says : " Is there anything that you WANT to change about your appearance and that you could practically achieve (non-surgically!) ? I’m not talking perfection, I’m talking ‘healthy and happy' ". I know that in theory there should be no changes involved in accepting yourself but sometimes you have a hard time accepting some of your features(youve been teased about them for several ages...)so you either need some psychological help or a small change and not everyone can afford the first option, even though its the one that helps you in the long-term and it should be the one everyone with this issues follows if they truly want to overcome them forever.


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