Another thread about inept flirting

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At the moment I am struggling to meet anyone because I live with my mother in Surrey, in a village that doesn't have it's own train station. There aren't many people my age (young twenties) here that I don't feel completely intimidated by. Anyway, the one time I do see quite a few nice, friendly looking men around my age is when I go to the gym.

My question is this - is there any way that I could strike up a bit of a conversation with someone I like the look of, and make it seem natural? Or is the gym strictly no place for flirting? Is it always going to seem like what it basically is, ie. I was bored on the treadmill so I watched you doing chin-ups to pass the time?

Your thoughts please...

Well all I can say is that you may try something like match.com.

Sounds lame, may work.

Problem is, the train...herm..you couldn't really travel much...o.O

And the gym..?
Well shoot, I flirt with girls all the time everywhere...

I think guys flirt with girls a lot at the gym. But I don't know about the opposite. You might try flirting with a guy at the gym by commenting on his biceps or strength and he would get the hint that you are interested.

just... for the record... i think you look great... unless that avatar isn't really you...

What? I thought this was another thread about inept flirting... I might as well have given it a try... now if only I lived in the UK...

You have to be very careful seeing as you're the female starting the conversation. I wouldnt compliment them at all, guys could see it as you're just trying to score. When guys think its about sex, its over, thats all you're worth to them. Id just show some intrest in thier hobbies or something, ask them what they like. It can be assumed that you're talking to them because you think they look good. You wouldnt approach them if you didnt.

Try speed dating or online dating.

First build comfort with a guy. Simply show interest in him. Comment on what he's doing in the gym. You could say his workout looks impressive and difficult. Or you could ask him what his goal is in the gym.

Chat to a guy you're attracted to a few times just making simple conversation like that. Make jokes whenever you can think of any even if it's simply humourous little observations. Just treat guys as if they are your brother, and as soon as they're comfortable with you then you can start flirting and seducing them without them feeling uncomfortable.

What would you say to a brother? Maybe you'd asked him if he's seen anything good on TV. What he thinks of some big event in the news.

If you try seducing them too soon then they'll be afraid that you might be a man-eater or that they might lose their decent reputation and be thought of as an easy lay. Once you're ready to start seducing him, invite him on a date and from there on you will be in with the chance of getting a partner.

Up until recently, I thought I didn't know how to flirt. Then, all of a sudden, I discovered I'm very good at flirting! Almost too good at it!

The key is subtlety. Eye contact is important. I know this is hard for a lot of aspies, but you don't have to make constant eye contact to make this work. Just give the person a quick look while imagining you two share some exciting secret. This is really sexy.

I flirt by treating a guy like a friend, but making excuses to get closer and closer to him, and doing the sexy glance thing. For example: "It's loud in here. Let me slide over closer to you so I can hear everything you're saying!" while giving him a look that shows I'm excited by his presence and interested in what he has to say.

And then I put the icing on the cake by giving him a compliment like, "I've never met anyone who knows so much about_______! I'm honored to get to talk to such an expert!" - sexy glance, sexy giggle. And then throw in a joke whenever possible. Guys (at least the kind I like) get really turned on by a woman who can really make them laugh. Laughing together is sexy, and it's a good opportunity to get a little physical (leaning towards each other). This combination of flirtation methods works like a charm in my experience!

I'm not quite as good at striking up conversations with complete strangers, but compliments, questions, and observations are standard ways to do this. It's hard to give examples without knowing what kinds of situations you'd want to talk to people in.

Gyms are very popular flirting places - so much so that there are lots of womens only gyms just so they can get away from the guys hitting on them.

Just eye contact and smiles can do it sometimes - if you look at the guy of interest til he sees you looking at him then smile and look away. Do this at most twice in one gym session, or you'll seem more like a creepy stalker. After a few times of this, try an inane comment on weather, new/old/difficult gym equipment. The glances make him think you might be interested, or at least friendly, so it's less likely to turn into an "umm ok I'm going to go over here now" situation, and more likely to turn into a conversation.

If I remember gyms rightly, some kinds of weightlifting require a spotter - someone to make sure you don't drop heavy things on your own neck.. perhaps you can ask target guy to do this for you.

Usual social advice disclaimer: All this is from the observations and inferences of an aspie, so for all I know, it's missing some subtle NT thing and so totally wrong.

Just tell the guy at the gym your into him.

Something like this...

Walk up then proceed with "Hey, my names _____"

I always see beautiful women at the gym and never say anything.

To me the gym has always seemed like more of a get away than a dating scene. I go there to de-stress and figure that's why every one else goes.

So for me at least I would fully welcome a beautiful girl such as yourself coming up and asking for my name. Any idiot will know automatically you are into him and from there strike a conversation.

My friend George says the best way to ask a girl out at the gym is to offer a post work out smoothie at the closest place...

Good luck,

-Zane

I was hoping that someone, if not sarahstilettos, could answer my above question... because as long as I can't tell the difference between serious and non-serious signals, I'm going to continue to hold my "extremely rare" view that casual flirting is generally a bad thing.