Are relationships harder for aspies?

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Just wondering. Ive been seeing a guy for about a month, and although we are similar in some respects, we are also very different. This doesnt really bother me, because we get on so well. but i cant stop saying the stupidest things, the most annoying things all the time. I really try not to say stupid things, respect that he sees a lot of things differently from me, but i just keep putting my foot in it. i feel like ill lose him if i keep doing it. I just feel it would be better to say nothing. Seeing as i just say the wrong things.

I don't think it's correct to generalize here because many aspies do have successful relationships.

Some people can never have a girlfriend though, no matter if they have Asperger or not.

Sorry i didnt mean to generalise.

Raindance, I'm going to have to disagree respectfully with Tom5. Since by definition ASD's are social deficits, a generalization that we don't get along as well with other people as normals is appropriate.

I don't understand why people think generalizations and stereotypes are bad. When properly used, they keep us out of trouble. An example should suffice to prove my point: Not all rattlesnakes will bite, so technically it's a generalization and stereotype to say rattlers bite. But I would highly recommend you not try to pet one. By the same token, aspies have a harder time dealing with other people, even though it's not always the case.

What has happened is we no longer seem to be able to appreciate the differences between all, some, and none. Very little in this world is starkly black and white save the world of the abstract. It's all about realizing we live in an imperfect world, and that's not going to change.

I think with my next girlfriend, I've got to let her know that I need a lot of alone time.

Raindance, do you think you might be trying too hard? always being "on," trying to make things happen, instead of zen-like fashion just being and allowing things to happen?

Just an idea. May not be the case with you, but I often do that.

I think the advantage to my partner is she studied psychology so she understands more to do with my special ways than anyone else I've been with. i find relationships very hard, I like things done a certain way, and I often can't reciprocate the feelings they profess for me, I can do a good job of saying the right things, but I don't really know what it feels like to miss someone, it makes no difference to me whether often someone is there or not, and I don't know if I feel love like other people do, it's hard to explain because I suppose I don't know how other people feel it, but when I read about it, it doesn't really make any sense to me.

Yes it's harder. It is okay to generalize if, say, it is true for 51% of the group. With aspies I suspect the precentage of those who strugle with relationships is even higher.

There are obvious exceptions of course. We are talking about a group as a whole, not each and every member of said group.

At least for me, it is damn near impossible. And I am getting too old for this s**t: I am 21 years old.

Harder, probably, impossible, no.

There are challenges that occur in relationships where one or both partner is an aspie that are caused by the autistic traits, but that doesn't change that many spectrumites have successful relationships.

Exactly.

DUDE! You are a toddler. You've been out of high school mere 3 years. The whole life is ahead of you. You can be anyone you want to be. You'll learn how to cope socially. You just need to take baby steps: meet more people (as friends) and date more. Date many women. Trial and error are the best teachers.

I think it depends on both people in the relationship. I didn't notice any Aspie issues in the relationship when I was with my Aspie girl. I think the problem us Aspie have is that we are more different/unique from typical NTs so it's a whole lot harder for us to find someone like us

i think they are harder but that doesn't mean much. it could be that you develop a stronger relationship as a result and are happier. like any relationship, your partner has to accept you

i still needto date the first woman, but thanks for the advice.

Just do it. Make some new friends through clubs or meetups or whatever, figure out which women there are single, and ask them out. DO NOT expect anything further to come out of that. Just go out for drinks or coffee or whatever and talk. It's just a date. Eventually you'll meet someone compatible.

It is this that makes me feel that a relationship with my ex was impossible. To think that I miss him so badly and he could care less, hurts to the core of my being.

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AardvarkGoodSwimmer Posted:

"I think with my next girlfriend, I've got to let her know that I need a lot of alone time. "

Is this because you have bad moods? Or you do things that you don't want another person around?

I am an HFA because I was forced to act like an NT out of life or death. However, I feel if your traits compliment each other. Such as, if you both need alone time and have the space to give each other that (like myself), it could work as long as when the time came you both were on the same page. If your "clocks" were off, then you would have to communicate this and take it well. It is the same with NT's I am sure. Some things irritate and some things are needed. If you both can provide it for the other, then voila'!