Forget The Fact That You're An Aspie

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That's assuming if it's a fact period. Just because Joe Schmoe with a piece of paper that says MD on it said so doesn't necessarily make it true.

One common trend that I see on this forum is people constantly beating themselves because of how unsuccessful they are at dating or how they function in relationships and they blame it on aspergers. They let something so trivial take control of their entire lives and think that just because they have said condition that they're incapable of X, Y, and Z. They even want to go around using aspergers as an excuse, hoping that people will excuse them for their bad behavior if they inform people up front that they have it.

If you're an intelligent, rational-thinking human being, you are capable of anything. Not a single human being is incapable of showing emotions. You may think that you can never be an outgoing, sociable person because you have aspergers, but then you look back on the past 5-10 years of your life and realize that you didn't even really try or put any real effort into it because you were limited by your beliefs. Instead of spending a lot of time going out to a lot of social networking events, you were probably behind a computer screen most of the time. Doing things like beating yourself up, saying that you can never be someone great, comparing yourself to someone else, etc. is nothing more than destructive thinking and it's easy to fall back into destructive thinking because you don't have to do any work on your part, whereas positive thinking and goal-setting does require a certain amount of commitment.

I notice that most people know what their problems are. Many people wish they were more sociable or had better eye contact, but what I rarely see is people talk about what they are doing to try to overcome these obstacles in their lives (which by the way are very common among the general population), and I wish I would see more of that. Keep in mind that when you do post something negative about yourself for others to see, you create what's called observing ego, which is where someone sees his/herself as you especially if he/she is dealing with an issue similar to your own, and when you post negative thoughts, other people will start to think negatively about themselves.

Nevertheless, this board is good for educating others who do want to improve certain areas of their lives by sharing knowledge and experience that others have gathered in similar experiences, and I hope we can continue to help each other with the most challenging parts of our lives.

Good post.

my dating life was s**t before and after i found out about AS. no f*****g surprises there.

Redacted

Aspergers isn't my main issue in dating. My Bipolar Disorder is.

I can get a bit loopy... :-\

nat4200, I tip my hat to you.

I LOVE people who think realistically.

my other aspie friend and i took a totaly different approach

instead of forgetting we hav it, we embrace it

becuz were diagnosed we dont feel awkward about the things we do that are related to aspergers

but my aspergers is not the reason im single, the reason im single is becuz im not putting my self out there
add to the fact that my interests generaly require very little socializing so right now im not meeting any nice girls right now, emphasis on nice becuz right now most of the girls in know are crazy, the bad kind of crazy

but im not gona say that aspergers isnt an issue, becuz im sure theres someone in this strange world who wouldnt date someone just becuz they hav aspergers, probably someone whos worried about their children having it, that or they hav no idea what it is and think its some kind of contagious disease (cough....)

I understand this post.

You can't use AS as a cane to help you walk around and assist you with everyday things (we're talking metaphorically, not literally).

Don't hold this mentality of "if NTs can do it, why can't we do it?"

You can't separate people into those things, we're all human beings, and we're all unique.

If you take the OP as a slap in the face, maybe the point didn't go across too well, but keep in mind that if you're constantly with the logic of:

"I just know im not going to have a shot with girl X."

Stop pointing the finger around blaming everybody else for your actions. Start standing up straight (again, metaphorically) and taking a stand. Is it going to suck at first? It always does. AS shouldn't stop you from having your little fun that you're comfortable with.

Spoken from someone who was diagnosed with AS.

I see where MacDragard is coming from though, speaking for the amount of Aspies I personally know with partners, including one or two I wouldn't think would have them due to the strength of their AS but nonetheless did.

I took the liberty of skimming the OP's post history to see if s/he is a troll or not...my gut feeling is that this person has read too many threads that sound similar. No way of telling until they reply I guess...

To answer the OP then: I can understand parts of it but yeah, the phrasing could've been more tactful and well thought-out. There's one heck of a lot of middle ground between the 'anything is possible' mindset and that of 'there's nothing I can do about it.' The truth is I think between the two extremes.

AS can, and does, make it difficult to do certain things. Knowing your weak points is a different scenario from using those weaknesses as an excuse for not doing what you can about them. For every person who experiences romantic/relationship problems as a result of their brain type, you should be able to find a case in which an individual with similar issues is able to overcome them.

I'd suggest the OP might benefit from taking a step back, breathing a deep breath and remembering the distinction between 'trends' of threads and individuals' experiences that are written in each one. Rather than making what appears to be an indiscriminate attack, it might be more constructive to visit individual threads and offering advice there. Quite a few people seem to be upset here despite it containing valid points, so I'm not sure what it's really supposed to achieve.