The Story Of My 1 Year Toxic Relationship

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The Beginning
it all started on October 6th, 2010. she was this shy skinny, 5 foot girl with dyed black hair. i couldnt resist her charm. she was so shy, nice, and quiet. after hanging out a few and a substuqent makeout at the movies, we decided to start dating. All went pretty well at first. nothing bad about her. by mid november the cracks started to show. she was really suicidal and a frequent cutter. i had cut before but had since stopped. i always tried helping her and getting her to stop but it just wouldnt work. i was in my second year of my depression as it was, and this was a lot of added stress. by december i was on the phone each night trying to convince her not to do it. nothing was working. its almost like she didnt want help and yet acted like she did. january and febuary marked a decline between us. she was being wicked self destructive and lashing out at me all the time. but i cared about her and stayed. i had enough in april and ended it, but then quickly went back to her after a day. it got a tad better through may by the end she was cutting really badly. i had thwarted multiple suicide attempts and had begun cutting again without her knowing. i never told anyone because she said she would end it with me and do herself in for sure. i complied because i thought that maybe i could do something...

The Summer
She was admitted to a hospital in June near the end of the school year. She fell in love with her roomate there which killed me, but i shook it off and she let those feelings go. We had a great summer. Not many fights or declines...until August everything became worse than every. She just started freaking out at me for no reason. She went insane it had seemed! I was in tears the whole night. By this time, if i defended myself against her random anger spurs against me, she'd see how she was being, and get more suicidal and then later blame that on me. How could I have gone that long? I was always there for her no matter what!

A Further Decline
September was ok compared to August. But when October rolled around she became suicidal for no apparent reason. it was by then, after our 1 year and she was back in the hospital. she left a few weeks later with a few new friends...including a boy named Jeremy... I was always suspicious of the two. I had a feeling he liked her, but she assured me that they were just friends. Things were fine for a few weeks after until she once again started getting depressed for no reason and taking it out on me. She was lashing out worse and worse. And then she said she couldnt "take me anymore" despite that I had NOT done anything to this girl, but save her, be there for her, and at one point, FEED her! The following Friday she went to a concert, the next day, everything would change...

The End
She didnt say much to me the day after the concert, just that she made a new friend named ricky. i wasnt concerned until I saw all of her "likes" and comments on his pictures. It didnt sound like her. i had her login to facebook so i checked her messages. As i was about to click on her inbox i thought "i shouldnt be doing this!", but revoked that statement when i found a long conversation between her and her new friend that was quite lewd and tore me apart! I then drove to her job and tried to confront her, she just denied it and told me to leave. I then told her mom and forwarded the messages. later once she got out of work i went to her house. she knew it was coming by then, which is why she tried running away from me in a struggle against her mom. she was crazy at this point crying and trying to cut herself. she had her head buried in the pillows of her bed and that is when i said my peace and ended it. I took all of my stuff that I could find, and left. The next few days were awkward. She was trying to get me to go back with her, I refused. One night before she was to go to Florida for Thanksgiving break, she asked if we could hangout and talk things over. I said yes. She wanted to have sex, which i stupidly complied to. Little did I know that all this time she was talking to Jeremy. The next day it was my fault. I was complicating things and I was "playing her". She was continuously pressuring me to date her again which i refused and she would go crazy and say I was making her suicidal. One night in one of our little arguments about this, she revealed that she was going to be with Jeremy and had wanted him for a month...and lied to me all that time. Jeremy is the avoider like she is. One of those "depressed" people who posts pictures of his cuts on facebook. The next night we got in another fight and she said i was the problem and that she was done trying to get me back since I would never take me back..DESPITE the fact that I was trying to work things out, I just said it wouldnt be instantaneous. She said how I was always putting the guilt of what she did onto her (which i have every right to) and that makes her suicidal. Is that a crime? She needs to face and answer for what she did! Jeremy downplays it like it was just a minor screw up. Her ex also revealed that she had cheated on him too. Nothing is enough for that girl. She was always so selfish and admitted it! And that's what really bothered me. It really shows how much she lied to me and how little I really meant to her. I know those who are reading are thinking that I should've left the relationship long before this happened, but I CARE for her and I was always there. Luckily I can say that when she comes back to me, I will say one thing:
No.

Oh wow I had a similar thing happen-just similar-the lying and the hurt being the big things and the caring for another person and the person you are caring about being selfish and it took about a year and the end came in around the Sept-Oct timeframe for me as well. If interested in the whole mess a PM would be in order but I totally understand what you went through.

Read up on codependent behavior, her problems were becoming your problems and so on and so forth....

Mental Health America

Sounds like it was quite a roller coaster of a relationship. The take away from all this would be, I survived this, what do I need to do to never get involved with someone like this again?

Also read up on sociopaths, she sounds classic, oh wait maybe narcissistic too! All the lies? All the indifference to how it made you feel? And oh right, all the lies?

It sounds like you are best shut of her, find some new friends and interests in case like a bad penny she shows up again in your life. Which from all you described, I hate to say it but I predict she will be back.

You were so reliable to lean on and use and abuse. But hopefully, you have learned, the very hard way, that this is not how you want to live your life.

And threatening to commit suicide? I believe that is called good old fashioned emotional blackmail and not acceptable.

Block her Facebook page, lose her password, do not delete her off your cell phone yet, you need to be able to recognize her phone number so you can send it to voice mail, change her name on the phone to maybe "Crazy Ex Girlfriend" and whatever other social network avenues you communicate with her, block them all and let your friends know you have permanently broken up with her and she is out of your life, this will keep you accountable in case you weaken.

And from one of my favorites, the Advice Goddess (Amy Alkon) column:

Wow. I think my last two relationships may have been toxic too and I did try to help them but they pushed it away. I realize you can't always help someone. But they did effect me afterwards because I have gotten very critical towards certain people and it changed my views. I must say I do judge now for my own good so I don't make the same mistakes again. But I'm married so I don't have to worry about it, ever I hope.

I also have noticed that in my last one, my ex ticked a couple of boxes for emotional abuse. Can someone with low self esteem or someone who is so paranoid they always want to listen in on your phone conversations still count as them being abusive? How about if they are just too honest and not good with tact and someone who just happens to be very negative opinions? Emotional abuse? Does that make me a emotional abuser if I keep saying the wrong things or if I keep accidentally making the person feel bad?

She's not worth the trouble and unnecessary drama, cut all contact with her and disregard her from your life. You clearly aren't meant to be and you deserve someone better so don't sell yourself short, at least you found out about her character sooner rather than later, it's better to get out while the going is good.