A quick story

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There was this one dude back in my teens. We hung out for a while, I'm talking years I mean. I'd actually considered him my best friend at some point.

Looking back, he treated me like dog crap and to this day I'm still bitter over it. He never passed up the chance to make fun of how ugly I was and how I couldn't get a girl to be interested in me. It wasn't like he did it in hopes that I would somewhat get motivated and step my game up (as if I had any), he did it just to be mean and have me feel bad about myself.

He was abrasive, got annoyed easily, and it's like he deliberately did thing to make me feel let out/pissed off. He often tried to humiliate me in front of his other friends, and he'd make snide comments or statements with subtle insults obviously directed at me every chance he got.

The thing is, even though he never have tried to bully me physically, he may have been the worse bully of them all. I deeply regret not giving him a peace of my mind while he still lived near me.

Yeah and all the girl/womens wanted him. He was good looking and he carried himself with confidence. I'll admit I was a bit bitter and jealous over the fact that he would have females flocking to him and basically throwing themselves at him, while I couldn't get so much as the time of day from a female with a watch on. He even banged one of his friend's mom, in which he bragged passive-aggressively to me about.

Yeah I'd hear the females go on and on about him being so cute, soft-spoken, and misunderstood when in reality he was just a complete ahole.

I guess the whole point of this babble about my past is that being nice/treating other people nicely is not an attractive quality. What I mean is that most females don't look at being nice as a quality in someone they want to date.

You can be the worst human being on the planet, short of being a serial killer/pedophile (even then, when you look at how many admirers and love letters various serial killers have gotten over the years, maybe that doesn't matter) but if you have some (most) of these qualities, you'll have no problems finding dates: good looks, smarts, charisma, confidence, wealth, humor, impressive talent or skill of some sort, strong mindedness/mentally toughness, and being strong-willed.

If you don't, you won't have much success and more than likely, you'll end up spending most of your life alone. Probably bitter and jealous of other people who date effortlessly.

I have none of those qualities, and it's why haven't had anyone in the past, why I'm alone right now, and why I'll be alone in the future.

It's unfair, extremely. But it's reality.

What can I say.

You're right this time, I agree on most of what you said.

Yea, it is true, there's no correlation between niceness (and neither jerkiness) and success at dating, it's some other qualities that matter.

There's no excuse for this guy and his actions. I'm sorry to hear you were abused like that.

As for the nice guys, it's true you don't have to be nice or decent or a good person to get a date. But it's not that women like ONLY bad boys. While many women do get attracted to them, it's not because they hate when men are nice, and they don't hate nice guys.

What many women find attractive is confidence. For some reasons, jerks and other bad boys project this image of confidence and being able to take care of anything. It's often just an image and not true; many of these men have their own insecurities. But they can hide them on the outside and that's why women get attracted to them (and later, when things get bad, they complain about a guy being a jerk).

I've known people like that too. There's a lot of 'em about.

I also recall an old saying "sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got." I took that to mean that if you have self-confidence that's half the battle. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.

Of course, you have to hang out with someone and get to know them to find out if they really are nice people or not. You clearly knew this guy was a complete four asterisks (even though you didn't admit it to yourself at the time), but all those people who thought he was cool clearly didn't notice. It happens.

Being nice IS an attractive quality, I'm sure of it. Merely pretending to be nice, on the other hand, isn't. Sadly, people sometimes pretend, successfully, and get away with it.

Sometimes people can be overwhelmed by the qualities you mention, but eventually they'll figure out s/he is a jerk and hopefully move on, having learned a lesson. No sense dwelling on it. There are plenty of ugly people in good relationships.

Your "friend" sounds like a real jerk; it's good he's out of your life.

Some acquaintances I knew who were used to cheat on their gfs are all now married (mostly with the same gfs) and they never had troubles in getting dates.

A particular former best friend (who used his father's Baath-political influence to make death/violent threats) is now married too.

So I absolutely understand what MR20 is talking about.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 03 Dec 2011, 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

im not old enough for those guys to be married but i know what yall talk about.

It's important to understand women aren't attracted to jerkiness. Many decent guys make this mistake, thinking that women are attracted to men who treat them badly. So they try to change themselves and try to mimic these "jerks" in hope of getting a woman, and they start to fear that their niceness will chase the girls away.

Wrong. It's possible to have a confidence but to still treat people nicely. Women like when guys are nice to them - they just don't like when a guy is overly needy or clingy or with a non-existent self-esteem. It's possible to have some confidence and to believe in yourself AND to treat people nicely and stay a decent guy.

I am not assuming that women are attracted to jerkiness.


However, all what I am saying that jerkiness/niceness are not determinant traits for being successful at dating. Honestly, I noticed that good looks and financial stability are more determinant factors than jerkiness , niceness and even in between.

And what I see on the ground before my eyes is more important than what you users on WP claim.

I meant on MR20.



What do you mean?

What makes you think deconstruction is not describing what she is seeing on the ground before her own eyes?

Your "friend" was a real prick, and I'm sorry you had to deal with him. But is it possible that you're projecting his negative traits onto every guy you see who does manage to "get the girl?"

I wouldn't say that a person would have no problems finding dates, but these qualities certainly do help. The thing is, most of them can be learned or improved with practice.

A person may not be able to change their looks dramatically without plastic surgery, but there are a lot of guys out there not making the most of the looks they have. I'm not gonna try too hard to convince you of your lack of ugliness, I don't think you'll believe me. But I will say that the only real problem with your appearance is your general unkemptness. A bit of grooming and you'd be doing a lot better lookswise than you are now.

Too many guys don't know how to express what intelligence they have. This is a problem of mine, coming across as an utter moron when, in reality, I'm above the average. And I don't want to start the whole "you express yourself so well" discussion again (it was clearly getting to you), but I will say that, even if you're not the smartest dude in the world, you are very clearly more intelligent than you give yourself credit for.

Charisma is kind of a combination of the other traits and can be developed. Confidence can be gained by improving ones other abilities. And, with a bit of practice, confidence can be faked until the real thing comes along.

Wealth and humor are tricky. Wealth is hard to come by, even for those who bust their asses and truly deserve it. Fortunately, the women who care very much about it are in the minority. And I kind of feel like you're either born with a decent sense of humor, or you're not. Though tastes vary wildly with that one. A lot of people think I'm a giant as*hole when I try to be funny, a few think I'm hilarious.

If you were to ask those people with impressive talents or skills how they got them, 99% would tell you "practice."

And mental toughness or a strong will also comes from practice, from putting yourself in situations that challenge you. Something I suspect you make a point of avoiding.

I'm sorry, I know that you don't like hearing this stuff and that I've pissed you off in the past. If you ask me outright, I won't post in your threads anymore. But what I won't do is agree that your cause is hopeless. You're not doomed to a life of loneliness, and I really don't like seeing someone choosing that for themselves.

Last edited by mds_02 on 03 Dec 2011, 6:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

well unless you're all lying to me i think that isnt completely accurate.

Actually what's even more important than those factors is being able to adapt and fit in the social hierarchy and show certain traits and characteristics that are deemed as desirable.

I wasn't really referring to her, but to some other users.

Being nice isnt most girls priorities when it comes to dating you have to have some other qualities.

Last time I got a date it a girl I barely knew approached me about it at some sort of rave and I didnt see anything wrong. What has changed since then? I stopped going to this things because I had some issues with alcohol, i realized I didnt have any friends there and I let myself go for over a year.

Why did she ask me out?. Probably because some of the other males on the group rejected her and going out with someone like me was better than going out with some of the scum that I hanged out with at the time(i was mad at my parents and this was my way of showing it) and because I was happy with my life at that moment. I had just spent a year doing nothing abroad and I was still able to do most of the subjects better than my classmates without making an effort, i had made some "friends"...

Will I ever go back to being happy about myself?, Im not sure but Im doing the best I can to go there because Ive been watching others making things happen for too long