How do you stop loving someone?

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calamity138
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09 Dec 2011, 8:07 pm

I went back a ways an couldn't see this topic but to me it's quite relevant.

How do you end an interest when there is no feasible reciprocation? How do you fall out of love? Is it possible to keep the other person as a friend and not feel like your guts are being ripped out on a daily basis? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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09 Dec 2011, 8:15 pm

When I figure it out, I'll let you know.


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calamity138
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09 Dec 2011, 8:21 pm

lol Thanks : ) too bad the whole "emotionless" thing wasn't more true : p



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09 Dec 2011, 8:23 pm

It is not easy. You need to harden your heart, be honest with yourself about why the relationship failed, and realize that there will be other loves in the future. If you don't think you can carry on any form of relationship with that person, it is sad, but it is also unavoidable as there is no good reason to put yourself in a painful situation. If they cannot understand that then you have one more reason to realize why they are not compatible with you.


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09 Dec 2011, 8:24 pm

I don't think I'm capable of hardening my heart. :?


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09 Dec 2011, 8:29 pm

In my experience it is not possible for me to quit loving someone. I always will love them but it is possible for me to move on & fall in love again. I unintentionally torched the bridges behind me so we have no chance of getting back together & we quit being friends; I do regret that because it really was unintentional but it's for the best for both of us


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09 Dec 2011, 8:33 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't think I'm capable of hardening my heart. :?


Everyone is capable of doing what they have to when necessity calls. It is their choice to do it or not. I never let my emotions control me


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09 Dec 2011, 8:35 pm

Focus on their unappealing qualities. If they seem to have none, you need to get to know them better.


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calamity138
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09 Dec 2011, 8:38 pm

Thank you all, I should mention however, this is my one and only best friend... what else : p I don't know if I can take being really alone by giving up this relationship, a friendship, to avoid how I feel but this pain has been constant for at least two+ years. I can see in reality how a romantic relationship would not work out. I'm starting to self medicate to avoid it and it's no secret where that behavior can lead. Professional help has rarely ever been an actual help and most therapists tell me I'm "remarkably self aware" ... not that that has had any baring on my ability to stop silly or crazy behaviors lol. idk I'm just lost at the moment I guess.



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09 Dec 2011, 8:38 pm

Vigilans wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't think I'm capable of hardening my heart. :?


Everyone is capable of doing what they have to when necessity calls. It is their choice to do it or not. I never let my emotions control me


I never said my emotions control me. I just refuse to demonize someone just because a relationship didn't work.


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09 Dec 2011, 8:41 pm

Moog wrote:
Focus on their unappealing qualities. If they seem to have none, you need to get to know them better.

I tried that with my 1st girlfriend & I ended up hating her while still loving her at the same time; I don't hate her anymore & I'm very glad about that because I hated having that hatred in my heart. I find it works better to analyze the situation logically & tell myself why we didn't work out because we were wrong for each other.


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09 Dec 2011, 8:44 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Vigilans wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't think I'm capable of hardening my heart. :?


Everyone is capable of doing what they have to when necessity calls. It is their choice to do it or not. I never let my emotions control me


I never said my emotions control me. I just refuse to demonize someone just because a relationship didn't work.


Well, love is an emotion, and an inability to let go does seem to mean it has some control over an individual.

I also didn't mean you need to demonize that person. They probably aren't actually bad, things just did not work out, and there will have been reasons stemming from both partners. I just mean that it is best to be honest with why it didn't work and whether or not it is fixable, or even worth fixing. If one *can* continue a platonic love relationship with a former partner, then more power to them, but it does not always work out that way unfortunately.


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09 Dec 2011, 8:46 pm

Yes, I'd just put my focus somewhere else. Like work or interests or stuff


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09 Dec 2011, 8:48 pm

Vigilans wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Vigilans wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
I don't think I'm capable of hardening my heart. :?


Everyone is capable of doing what they have to when necessity calls. It is their choice to do it or not. I never let my emotions control me


I never said my emotions control me. I just refuse to demonize someone just because a relationship didn't work.


Well, love is an emotion, and an inability to let go does seem to mean it has some control over an individual.

I also didn't mean you need to demonize that person. They probably aren't actually bad, things just did not work out, and there will have been reasons stemming from both partners. I just mean that it is best to be honest with why it didn't work and whether or not it is fixable, or even worth fixing. If one *can* continue a platonic love relationship with a former partner, then more power to them, but it does not always work out that way unfortunately.


Oh, okay. Yes, I agree. This is what I did to help get over my failed marriage. Still, I never really stop loving someone. The love just changes.

A relationship is required with my ex, though, as we have children together.


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09 Dec 2011, 8:50 pm

i really need to learn to stop loving my Best Friend Summer because me and her both know we will never get together besides she very vocal bout how we will never go out yet she constantly flirts with me and she is a really big tease knowing perfectly well i will never get her so i have been trying to stop loving her for my own sanity


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09 Dec 2011, 9:25 pm

I form attachments to people very easily; I'm basically in love with all my friends, and I even have some affection for my bullies, although I don't love them. I don't try to get rid of the love; I just try to accept that most people will never care about me as much as I care about them. I'm used to it, so it doesn't bother me anymore. I remind myself that if they ever need me, I'm always there, and if they want to date me, I can. I don't worry about it, though.