I can't take being alone anymore.

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I wasn't sure if I should put this here or in the haven, but whatever. If I start using offensive language, I'm sorry. And I don't know how long this will turn out.

I don't know how to fix myself. I'm so f*****g tired of being alone. I'm 23 and a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend before. I feel so inept. When it comes to school and intelligence-related things, I feel I'm above most people at school, I'm no genius though. But when it comes to emotional stuff and social aptitude, I feel that I will never catch up to people my age.

Last fall semester I met this awesome girl. I started to like her and thought I could ask her out. Now, I'm extremely shy and usually end up doing nothing, but I really liked her and since I have managed to muster up the courage to ask girls out before (only four in my entire life) I just needed a good moment to do it. One day she invited me to go see a performance at school, so I agreed and I thought that this a good time. When we got there I found out she had a boyfriend.

So, of course, I did nothing. We just texted and talked as friends. Fast forward to more recent times. She started having trouble with him, and confided in me. I tried to give her advice as best I could. I was her friend, and I wanted to help her. Last week they broke up. We started talking over the internet and we got into some intimate discussions. And by the end it was a lot of sexual stuff. The same thing happened the next night, but with a webcam (no nudity, but good stuff). We talked for way longer than we usually do. It gave me some hope now that she was broken up.

We've always been very open with each other. She knows about my AS and being a virgin and never having a girlfriend. So yesterday we talked and I found out her ex asked her to go out and she accepted. After their date we talked. I don't remember exactly how, but I made a comment about me liking her. It was no big deal to me, because I thought it was obvious that I liked her and that she knew. But she said she had never known, but she had thought of me as more than a friend just a little bit, but she had no idea I liked her. So, during the talk I asked her if she was going to get back with him and she said she thinks she might.

So yeah, I'm feeling depressed today. I couldn't even bring myself to go to school. I'm f*****g tired of being alone and not knowing how to remedy it.

I wouldn't say it happens often, but many times in the past I've thought about suicide because I'm so unfit for this world.

So, I don't know if anyone gives a s**t about what I just said. I just wanted to put this up here because I don't have very many people to talk to. I only have two very good friends and I don't see them a lot. She's just the most awesome girl I've ever met, she's so nice and accepting, and I will never be more than a friend.

I've had feelings for someone I can't be with as well. I've never had a girlfriend either and I'm 27. Perhaps you could try just seeing this girl as a friend and not try and make the friendship into anything else. Maybe she won't get back with this other guy and you'll have the chance to ask her out. Until then I would just treat her as a friend, as hard as that sounds. I hope this is helpful to you.

You should ask her the following question. She clearly used past tense when she said she HAD NEVER known. Well, she KNOWS right now (present tense). So why does it matter that she didn't know before? Is she implying there are "rules" that she has to stick to her original decision regarding dating/not dating you and is "not allowed" to change her mind? That would be the only logical reason why not knowing something IN THE PAST would prevent here and now. If so, why is she playing by these rules? Doesn't she realize that love extends beyond the rules? I think you should ask her this question.

I feel for you mate. Truth me told I get the impression that she is using you as support without any considerations for your feelings. It probably makes her feel good that someone likes her, that does not mean that she is serious about you. All in all it sounds like you deserve better.

I doubt that pointing out her flawed logic will get him anywhere...

why dont you call her up, right now, and tell her she shouldnt go back out with the guy that doesnt appreciate her at all. tell her you really like her, and that you know you would treat her better.

maybe that would work

honestly, though. she has all of the power in your relationship. every last bit of it. if you want this to change, you have to make yourself scarce. if she gets back with her ex, dont talk to her even remotely as much. dont make plans with her, you'll only torture yourself even more. instead of stressing about this girl, find a NEW girl that can reciprocate.

i also dont think telling someone you've never had a GF before, and that you are a virgin is the proper thing to do. while you ARE being straight forward, and truthful, this basically sucks every last ounce of power you would have had in the relationship. it might also make you seem desperate, like you would date anyone that approached you, or something like that. its probably a much better idea to, instead, just come off as inexperienced. to what degree, they wont know for sure, but at least they wont know they would be your first until they were actually strongly considering dating you. then, you can divulge this information.

I disagree with this part. While you don't have to open with the "I'm a virgin etc", I think honesty is the key to making any relationship work. While Tronsist advice might work to get you laid on a night out (look at me talking like I've ever had a "night out"), I think that it's not a good strategy for finding someone for the long run. Let's face the facts here: You are on this board and if the girl can't deal with you being a virgin and never having a girlfriend before, she probably won't be able to deal with your other social issues (or simply just think that you are far to introverted for her, staying to much in, not attending enough parties or what ever). By being honest about who you are you will surely push a lot of potential girls away, but then it might be easier to see who's "the real deal" anyway. Take it from someone who kissed a girl for the first time right before his 17 birthday, and is now married to her a few years later.

She already knew about the no girlfriend and all the stuff before the we talked yesterday and she found out I liked her. She never judged me negatively on any of it.

I know I won't be alone forever....just gotta be patient.

Be positive because your way further along than I have even been...I don't even have a friend that I text

Call and ask to go over, bring flowers and dinner. Done.

She said she MIGHT, meaning you have the opperatunity to ask her out before she makes that decision.

Just because she went out with her ex once doesn't mean all hope is lost. Try to ask her to a movie, or something.

If she is hesitant, then say something like this: "Hey, I really like you, and I want to try this out. We don't have to, but I thought we could give it a shot once, what do you think?"

If she says no, just say "Oh, okay." and then try to move on from that subject, and make the subject interesting.

Even though she says no the first time, she may change her mind.

Well, I can relate to everything you have mentioned. So I am not the best person to give advice on that.

All that relationship stuff seems very mythical to me. I don't understand why people make these distinctions anyway. It would be much easier for me to be if I didn't have to fear crossing the line or whatever.

I'm nearly 28, and I wish I could say it gets better, but for me, it's gotten worse. Maybe because when I was in college around girls more often, I took it all for granted that there was time.

How wrong I was. Now I can feel time running out to find someone. I should've found someone in college. Now everyone is pairing up. I feel I've lost most of my friends because they get married, and then don't have time for me. It'll happen to you.

Find someone. Do what you can. Don't wait till you're old like me.

I'm trying.

Anyway, I'm a little better. Not as depressed today. Man, I hate my periods of depression.

Girls are so weird! I think they're weird and I AM a girl!

She just sounds so clueless...but then again we Aspies tend to think we're being obvious about things when we're not...

But wait you guys had intimate discussions.

I've found that girls sometimes like to play games with guys, and they never, EVER know what they really want in a relationship. Sometimes, the guy has to seriously step up, take the reins and SHOW her what she wants in a relationship.

Her ex is probably a jerk so this is a good opportunity to tell her, "Go out with me instead". She'll say yes, just watch.

I can't really fault her for being clueless, since I am too.

You're right, her ex probably is a jerk. I met him once, and I instantly disliked him. Of course, that could be due to jealousy. Ug, I can't even understand my own emotions sometimes.