I did it.

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I just kissed a girl on own initiative for the first time. It was actually not that hard.
We went to a movie together, went to a café with friends of us (we came alone later) and eventually stepped home together.
If i think about it, the moment occurred several times during the evening (her laying her head on my shoulder, and so on..) but i never reacted on it, even though my "goal" for this evening was to kiss her. I had this strange thought, namely that if i should kiss her, i should do it quick without her barely noticing i would be trying to kiss her and because of that overwhelm her.
Now i think about it, that's a dumb thought as it is perfectly okay to, if you know the thought is reciprocal, show you want to kiss her. I thought of kissing as if doing a skirmish attack on a constantly manoeuvering foe right on the time the foe is not moving. (How crazy this analogy might seem, it isn't the first resemblance I've found between warfare and love.) This however is more like engaging the enemy up front, exposing everything you have and waiting for a truce or a fight.
Now back on track, we walked home (i live on the same path but much closer) and when we came to a point where i would go home (i walked a bit further with her towards her home) and we said goodbye's i suddenly realized that it was now or never and i just went for it. So strange, i always felt this hesitation towards that point but at that second, it completely vanished. (This is probably also the effect of 3 beers )

It's amazing how much a person can learn in one year! I've went from an, unvoluntary, asocial unexperienced wreck to a enormously active social person that can actually get himself a girlfriend!
To all that want to achieve this point (like i did a year ago), this might seem like an evil, nasty rubbing-it-in-your-face but this is not my motivation for this post.
My motivation is to show you are not handicapped. You can learn, be it by theory or experience (which i personally value the most). You have to give all you have, show what you have and stop hiding behind a curtain in fear of rejection and/or humiliation and/or ..
I know it's hard to do this, it eventually took me 4 years and some specific types of friends to reach where i am today.
I am proud of what i achieved and you should be too, think of everything you've achieved, no matter how small it may seem compared to an NT or other aspie. The size of a social achievement doesn't translate to an NTs achievement because of the work that's behind it.

Every thing you achieve comes from your ability to intelligently learn instead of being given everything by instinct.


If i reread my text, it sounds a damn lot like a preaching, i apologize for this

maybe european girls are easier to get than americans.

Well done - that took a lot of guts, but you conquered your fear.

Congrats to you on your goal.

You know... a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell

Seriously though. Good for you! And what a beautiful moral the story has: You can do what you set your mind to.

Two thumbs up for this post, and your future with this girl

Well we are practically 'officially together'.
Though it was kind of strange today. I met her with some friends behind a bakery (2 of our friends work there and had a break so we came over for half an hour) and i didn't know what to expect. I thought of giving her a small peck on the lips but she turned her head away from me so it wasn't possible (I weirdly kissed her half on her nose/lips/cheek because of this )
But i didn't worry about this as i had thought of the possibility that she wouldn't know what to do if friends were around.

However, i discovered that I'm her very first boyfriend, the first one she kissed with, ...This makes me kind of nervous and places a lot of extra weight on my shoulders as i don't want to screw it up for her.... I had my first, real, girlfriend last summer, she had a lot of experience while i had virtually none. We went way too fast in everything which also extrapolated in us having sex after 5 days.

I want to do it right this time but the problem is i don't know how. In this relationship, I'm "supposed" to lead as I'm the more experienced one (this thought has been confirmed by my parents and a female friend of mine) but i don't know how. The first relationship I've been in wasn't led by me.

I'm willing to put aside every need or habit in order to not give her the same first experience which i had. But i still have practically no clue on how to do it right since what I've learned on this particular subject isn't the right way.

Anyone have some tips for me on how to handle this correctly like a gentleman?


(When i think about it, this shows that, even though I might have learned a great deal of things over the course of a year, i still need help. Don't know if i should be happy or pissed about this )

remember ...always keep some mint gums with you.

First time I kissed a girl was at age 19, some 10 years ago this november . Well, actually it was the first time I was kissed by a girl. I lay on her bed in her apartment-2nd time I saw her in person after the time we met each other. As she lay next to me I invited her to rest her head on my chest and she did so, then proceeded to say: "you smell really good" .
I turned out the lights and thats when she kissed me, for a moment-as her lips touched mine for the first time-I didnt quite realize what she was doing and my 1st though was: what is this?! But then I realized what was going on and the next thought was: OMFG! she's kissing me!

half the fun of this is learning that sex is communication as much as anything else. You do something nice, you see how she responds. She does something nice, you respond. repeat as necessary. You'll find the nicer you make her feel, the more rewards you'll get in return.

but take it easy. You've got a lot more time than you think.

Awesome!

I agree on everything you say, it's about going out there and learning what to do. But actually doing something about it is the important thing.

This might be very weird, but I couldn't help but reread this post. I even forgot I wrote it. A bit over two weeks ago, the 13th of December, the relationship I started moments before I wrote this, ended. I'm trying to get over it by facing all the beautiful and horrid memories.

It's a bit shy of four years later. I've changed over the years. She did too. Everyone and everything did.
But I'm not afraid of that anymore because in a few years, I'll look back upon this moment and see myself the way I look at the OP.

One thing still remains: The beauty of it all. The pain, the love, the sorrow, the joy.. They're all emotions so deep and beautiful.. Sure, it hurts really bad right now: it bites, it tears apart. But it once filled me with warmth, made me jump out of joy.

As soon as I read this, I knew I'd do it all over again. Every single bit was worth it in the end.

If you're doubting whether love is worth the, sometimes inevitable, pain: YES IT IS.

And it might seem ironic to revisit a post, where I proudly proclaim "I did it!" with a story of a break-up, but it's not. I f*****g did it. I had a relationship for four years.

I think four years is a fairly long time to be with one person. Congratulations.

Does it get easier to meet women once you have experience on the matter?