Interest levels dropping after each date

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Hey there! So I've been having a recurring issue with respect to dating that I was hoping to get some input on. Also the majority of the dating I've been doing lately is online dating, so my situation mostly pertains to that. However the same scenario occurs in offline dating too, just a different method of communication.

Anyways, I've noticed a distinct pattern that I really want to break out of. Basically, I have been having a lot of success in actually getting dates using online dating, far more than I ever got otherwise. I'd say I have probably a 75% response rate to my messages, and like half of those end up turning into actual dates (part of that is that I'm highly selective in terms of who I'll message, I only talk to people that seem to have a good amount in common with me).

Before we ever go on a first date, I'll get all sorts of messages/texts, and basically it'll be clearly obvious that the girl in question is highly interested. Sometimes it's even a bit of an overload, feels a little strange to have that much frequent contact with someone I've never met in person. A couple of them have even said some pretty complimentary things like "Why would such a great guy like you ever need a dating site?". However after we go out on a date, there's almost universally a clear reduction in interest afterwards. The dates all seem to go fairly well, no lulls in conversation and I'd say we both seem pretty engaged and seem to be enjoying ourselves. Only had 1 or 2 that were clearly disasters lol. However afterwards, any communication between us is much shorter and less enthusiastic, and overall it's clear that the interest level has dropped considerably with respect to pre-date levels. Obviously that's going to happen a good portion of the time, as not nearly everyone is compatible, but thus far for me it's happened every time!

A few will agree to go out on a second date, but it often seems to be more a half-hearted acceptance such as "Hmm, I guess we can..." rather than something like "That'd be great!". Then if we do see each other a second time, there's invariably no interest left after that (I've never actually gone beyond 2 dates with anyone, so that's as far as my experience goes). So that's my issue, it seems like interest levels start out super-high and then gradually plummet every time we see each other.

So does anyone have any advice? I guess what I'm looking for is ways to maintain that initial level of interest. I do feel like I have a lot to offer with respect to a relationship, but I feel like I just lack some key component (charisma maybe? idk) that drastically limits myself. It's almost like women see me as a great catch on paper, but when translated to reality I just don't measure up (and yes, everything in my profile is completely accurate, and my pictures are good representations of what I actually look like, so no camera tricks or anything). This has been really bothering me lately, because honestly it's incredibly hard to consistently invest all the time and money into going out with someone once or twice, only to find out that there's no interest. It feels like I've fallen into a trap where I just keep repeating the same mistakes, but with no direction as to what I should change or what is going wrong. And please don't use the old adage "Just be yourself!", because obviously that hasn't been working so well lol.

Anyways appreciate the advice! Hope that this post wasn't too long

do you have a close friend who can tell you what your weaknesses are?

I can only recommend planning dates that are activity heavy with less relational load on the initial dates. Something in your field of interests where you absolutely profit. If you're a musician, have them meet you at the gig, costs almost nothing and she sees you in God-mode. If you're not in the performing arts, brainstorm and draw an appropriate analogy. This one may feel counter-intuitive to you, but NTs love surprises. Plan a date, in a public setting naturally so she doesn't freak on that, but something like meet at a Starbux and have a taxicab pre-arranged to whisk you away on a local sightseeing tour. Anything besides going to the dump to shoot rats, girls don't enjoy that too much.

I'll say "be yourself" in a way that means "don't be a poser", but more importantly early in the game: be creative

Disclosure; I am an NT woman. I have been married twice and did a lot of dating until a few years ago.

On line dating never worked out for me. I got few dates that way and was disinterested in the 3 or 4 guys I did meet that way. No big deal, just frustrating, as you said; because of how much time the online part takes. My experience is that I was more attractive in person than on paper. Guys my age were put off by my age. But when meeting men in person without the online filter and age identifier, they didn't know that I actually was their age.

As for your issue; I am going to make a gut suggestion;
To me how a man appears in movement is very important to my ability to be attracted to him. I am referring to gait, gesture, posture, head movements, facial expressions, etc. These things are more important than his voice, build and facial features. (Voice and linguistic choices rank second for me as attraction features.)

Most folks are not as consciously aware of the qualities of gesture and movement as I am but I believe that subconsciously they effect how most women/men perceive the opposite sex. These qualities are very hard/impossible for us to discern in ourselves.

There are a few disciplines that can directly and substantially improve grace in movement; yoga, the Feldenkrais Method and dance lessons. (No doubt there are others.)

Consider ballroom dance lessons. Aside from the improvement in posture, muscle tone and grace in movement, there's this; in ballroom dance environments, men are in great demand.

Also here's a link to Feldenkais:
http://www.feldenkrais.com/method/aware ... t_classes/

@salem44dream: Yeah, I know full well that my Aspergers is the underlying cause of my issues. It's just a matter of defining exactly what aspect of it is causing those issues, and then attempting to develop solutions to them. I'm a very goal-oriented person, but first I have to have a clearly defined goal to shoot for before I can start making progress .

@2wheels4ever: I've typically been doing dinner on the first date just to get to know each other a bit, then making the second one more activity-focused. A few recent examples are bowling/dinner, kayaking/picnic in park, going to the local dump to shoot rats (just joking about that last one haha). I'll try and think of ideas that involve some of my interests and see how they work. And yeah I am always completely honest and true to who I am, it's just my style of socializing I guess that could use a bit of work.

@MountainLaurel: I appreciate the advice, it's a good possibility that I don't have the best body language in the world. I do generally maintain good posture, but other than that I'm pretty much oblivious to my body language. I don't think it's terrible by any means (I've been told it's fine in mock interview), but I'm sure that, like anything, it could definitely use some improving. Unfortunately I don't have nearly enough free time currently to look into those suggestions you made, but I'll certainly keep them in mind for the future.

I thoroughly appreciate everyone's advice so far, I am certainly going to try to take it all to heart.