Starting relationships

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I keep getting really interested in someone, flirt with them for a week, and then ignore them the next week. I still care about this person but I can't stop this from happening, and i'm burning a lot of bridges with girls i genuinely like. Is this common among you guys? how do you start a relationship?

Nothing builds relationships like sharing and overcoming crises with someone.

Happy New Year!

Rob

Are you possibly afraid of emotional attachment or being committed to someone? If that is the case, I would say that you aren't ready for a relationship. If you feel in yourself that you aren't ready for that type of relationship, you need to reassure them that you only want something casual and that you aren't looking for a serious relationship until you can decide what you truly.

I guess what you are describing is normal and not even autistic per se. Are you sure you still ~care~ about this person and that your romantic feelings haven't just simply subsided? It might also help to sublty tell them - without ruining the game of the flirt - some time during the flirting that you are a littlle socially awkward sometimes and please don't mind me.

Also, I find that it's sometimes good to ignore a woman for a while and keep them wondering a bit. "Why did he stop talking to me?" "I am not interesting anymore?" A week probably is too long for this to be effective though.

I think that is bad strategy, if forming healthy relationships is your goal.

Relationships that are meant to be rarely leave one of the people feeling insecure. Many of us realize that we are finally in the right relationship because no matter what the guy does, we realize we actually understand.

Now, if someone's instinct is to call five times a day, telling them to hold back is probably a good idea; you don't want to scare a new date off by being too involved too fast (unless you've got obvious signs that it is the other person's tempo to be that intense, too).

Good relationships don't leave you feeling unsure and insecure. If us old married ladies hear a woman questioning herself over a delayed phone call, we usually advise her to not bother with that relationship. It's just not a good way to start anything.

Given that paying attention to someone for a week and then ignoring them for a week is not common dating behavior, I really do think you have to address it upfront, so that it doesn't get interpreted incorrectly, and so that you stay focused on people who are a little lower maintenance in their attention needs.

My advice is simple: tell the people that you hope to continue with about your tendency to do this, and emphasize that it is one your unique quirks, and not a test of the potential relationship or any negative signal about your interest level.

Some people will drop you right away when you say that and, in my opinion, that is OK: those individuals probably have higher maintenance attention needs than you will be able to meet over the long term, and you both may as well as recognize that before things get too far.

But other individuals will be totally cool with it, figuring they'll entertain themselves during the off times just fine, and will be glad for the heads up, so that they don't have to start wondering what it means when you suddenly ignore them.



IMHO.