Long Distance Relationships

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Could you knowingly cope with long distance? Now I don't mean the types that sleep around, I mean a honest and true relationship being far away from each other.
From my experience, they don't seem to work. For me, it's the reality that kicks in saying that you can't because it doesn't work out as a real one since the distance is too adrift. That is really the only reason why I couldn't go through with it. In that type of relationship, I'd still feel lonely.

I could never do it. I need way too much sexual validation.

Yes, trust me, they can work. :) I had an American boyfriend, we met each other on a videogame and were in the same clan together. We fell inlove and a few months later he came here to see me, things were really great. We were four years together. I know it's cheesy, but I believe if two people really love each other and want to be together, they can. Love can conquer anything. Physical distance is nothing compared to emotional distance. You can be physically with someone, but emotionly far appart. That was alot more harder for me to cope with. I've felt more lonelier in that kind of relationship.

I've had multiple long distance relationships. As long as the emotions are there, distance does not matter, though obviously it can get frustrating at times. It just makes the times when you meet even better

Both relationships I had were long distance. The distance can be very difficult especially if your the type who's needy, wants to spend all your time with your partner & hates sleeping alone like I am(I mean sleep literally btw) but I can cope & think they are totally worth it. I would want to relocate & move in with her 1ce things got serious thou

This is the type of thinking I like to see. This echoes my sentiments exactly.

What kind of LDR?

You met, you fell in love, you did stuff together, one of you moved away, you decided to stay together in hopes of moving closer again some day? That's an LDR and it mosty certainly works.

If you "met" someone on the Internet, never seen them in person, and they live far away? I'm sorry but that is NOT a relationship. That's a pen-pal at best.

Nonsense. Emotions do not depend on distance.

What if you don't connect with anybody in your area?

Then, depending on how far you live apart, you can still arrange to meet them.

I've noticed that long distance doesn't seem to work for a lot of people, especially if they can't get to see each other that often. Some people can cope with it though.

They can be BETTER than "real" relationships (someone used the preceding term with quotation marks; but what exactly about long-distance makes it not "real"?) for people (like me) who could never deal with a permanent standard relationship and all that goes along with it. I live my life under autocratic rule, and I am the autocrat, just not willing to bend about a lot of things or change my self-centered ways. Even in a close-distance standard relationship that is intended to be casual, it often doesn't work out that way, with one partner becoming overbearing even though the other doesn't want to, and then disaster strikes. And, when you only see someone once every couple of months, that makes it all the more special.

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Check out "Problem Child," my published memoir of life with autism.

That's kind of shaky though. The relationship falls apart when something happens in the one person's life so that you can no longer see each other. Also, NT's generally want to see their partners on a regular basis.

it is really hard. tried it twice. it was not the only reason the relationships broke down but i think it played a large part.

the one thing that is hardest is if you fall out it can be very hard to make up properly online. even for an aspie i think the non verbal communication and immediacy of speaking in person is really important for making up and even preventing misunderstandings that can lead to fights etc.

i think if you are both really secure and have been together for a while then it can work but only if you do have plans to see each other regularly in person or move closer in the foreseeable future

My partner and I live two hours apart, but we find that it's more positive than negative for us. We both have a tendency to move too quickly, but have had a lot of heartbreak, and the distance forces us to take things slowly. We see each other at least once every couple of weeks, and while we'd like to be together more often, both of us are busy and like having our own space. We've been wondering if he isn't on the spectrum as well, and he also struggles with clinical depression. The space has been wonderful for us, though it isn't always easy.

I do want to address one thing, about the above statement. My partner and I definitely have an "honest and true relationship" where we care very much for each other, but we also practice consensual non-monogamy. It doesn't mean that our relationship is not "real", because it most assuredly is genuine and full of honesty and respect. More or less, we primarily sleep with only each other, but we have a relationship dynamic which allows for negotiating other relationships if we want to. We just don't really exercise the option. Since we've been dating, he has slept with a good friend of his once, entirely with my blessing. For some, setting boundaries for the relationship where needs are being appropriately met by more than one person is a beneficial thing.

This feels totally correct to me. Touch (or realtime contact, anyway) is essential for re-earthing when things have flown askew. When bad feeling has escalated through written words, it would be extraordinary for more of the same to generate the opposite feeling. And when silence is the only alternative? Can only accentuate the distance, not diminish it.

I've been in a few LDRs. Based on my own experience, the emotions are definitely real. My suggestion is to meet IRL fairly quickly (within a few months), for a lot of different reasons. There are aspects of a person that you just can't experience via email, text, phone or skype - and some of those aspects can be deal-breakers.

I've learned - the hard way - that people can use the distance and the mode of contact to control your perception of them. I once dated a guy who told me he was divorced and naturally, had his own place. He also told me he couldn't email on weekends because he didn't have internet access in his new apartment yet. Oh, and we couldn't talk on the phone because he didn't like to talk on the phone. And the truth was.....he was actually still living with his wife. If we'd been living in the same area, I would have never bought his explanation. What would any woman make of a guy who could only be contacted at work? How long can you put off showing your apartment to the woman you're dating?

And that leads me to the second lesson learned the hard way: it can be very difficult to judge a person's character if you don't have the opportunity to interact with them physically. There's something to be said for looking a man (or woman) in the eyes to determine if they're telling you the truth. Honestly, when you're strictly LDR, you are only seeing the parts of them they want you to see, and you are in the position of choosing to believe what they tell you, or not. As long as they're telling you what you want to hear, it's easy to accept the veracity of their statements. But distance does make it much more difficult to independently verify what you're being told. And yes, none of us would choose to be with someone who we believe capable of lying....but people do it every day.

There's also the idea of just being around someone, experiencing the day-to-dayness of life to really understand who they are. You get to know a person's routines, their tolerance levels, their habits (annoying and otherwise), their quirks, their flexibility....what's behind the facade we all maintain to some extent. You can also get a sense of how the issues and/or diagnoses they're dealing with will affect you as a partner.

I suggest meeting within a few months because the emotional investment in an LDR partner is real, and attachments are formed. Both partners deserve to know the truth about each other as soon as possible, to ensure the emotional investments are made in reality, not fantasy.