Aaah! Ex-husband just asked me to dinner!

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I need some help. I need to maintain a good relationship with my ex-husband for the sake of our kids but I would never consider dating him again.

I'm thinking of sending this:

I got your text, and I’m confused. If you need to talk to me about something about the kids without them being there, then fine. But this sounds like you’re asking me on a date (forgive me if I’ve misinterpreted). If that’s the case, I’m very flattered, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I really like our relationship as co-parents.

Of course you can talk to me at any time about anything, and as a friend I’ll try to help you with whatever problems I can possibly help with.


I'm trying to maintain boundaries that I established when we divorced five years ago. I do feel bad for him, he's just gone through a really bad breakup, and I'm worried about how he's doing with that.

mv, your proposed response text sounds perfect. You are respectful and supportive without being accusatory or defensive. Well done on composing that message.

ghostar, thank you SO MUCH for your support. I always second guess myself. And I cannot do confrontation. I'm shaking with anxiety right now.

^^^this. well done, mv!

MV, I agree with Ghostar on your approach. I think your reluctance to "date" your husband is also likely prudent. At least with most normal people, after they break off a serious relationship, it's pretty typical to have an interim person to date until they can find somebody they really hit it off with. There is a chance that you'd be nothing but a stepping stone--as in the old song by the Sex Pistols.

Thanks, hyperlexian and Dunnyveg! Still haven't pulled the trigger, but I will soon. It's just vital that we remain cordial, and we have to see each other (and speak to each other) every single day. Awkward.