Bars/Clubbing/Parties Rules and Etiquette

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Here are my opinions and observations. Other members of this community are encouraged to post their rules, tips, advice, opinions, etc about how to correctly go to clubs and bars to meet people from the opposite sex.

I am a guy, so I cannot speak for women, so I will speak from a male perspective.

1. Dress well, depending on the place. Wear something that is mature, but not preppy or overdoing it. Ideally, a button-down casual shirt (perhaps plaid, with undershirt and/or no "popped collars", jeans, clean casual shoes, combed hair, groomed, wearing a little bit of cologne, and perhaps a good watch. No outerwear, things will get too sweaty.

2. Don't drink (or at least drink very very little). A lot of guys act like idiots because they are drunk. There are the guys who act macho/tough/insecure with their chest pouted out, men who act silly with a goofy smile and drunk laugh, or men who are so uncoordinated and slurred in their speech. By not drinking, you will be normal and cool, the adult in the room.

3. Come early like 8-9:30. The male-female ratio is even. The flood of guys come later. It's a much calmer atmosphere, more allowing of anything noble. This is before everyone gets drunk and things degenerate. I usually leave before midnight.

4. Don't wait. I dont think standing around waiting for a certain woman to stop talking to another guy or leave her friends is a good idea. Instead, I think its best to introduce yourself to her and her friends, so you are not the rude person who separates people but increase your options of women.

I think bars/clubs are the worst places in the world for someone with AS .I was always filled with way too much anxiety as a result of sensory issues such as the loud music.I couldn't relax being in a room full of strangers so I just did the wallflower routine.I also didn't drink and the arrogant strutting of the people in those establishments was a major turnoff.

I hate bars/clubs too. I find them overstimulating, too noisy, too many people around. I know a lot of people meet their partners in such environments. But surely there has to be somewhere else to interact with young women.

as i wrote above, it is less crowded and less stimulating if you attend earlier.

bars aren't the only place, but part of a healthy combination.

i disagree when people make generalizations about bars being bad. it depends on your luck of who happens to be there. it depends on the bar setting. and it most of all depends on you, and how you play your hand.

I never enjoyed the bar scene, either.

Have a Great Day!

Rob

I didn't think of earlier! When do you think would be a good time to stay for a few hours at a bar/club (probably bar) without pretty much getting killed by sensory overload? Or looking like a complete nerd?
I'm somebody who can handle daytime exersions to the casino now (I'm so proud of that, which is kinda sad)

depends on the bar/club/party.

early as in 8:30 or 9, which is very early.

i guess its all relative because people who want to party until 2pm will call 10pm early.

but i would definitely leave before midnight, or even before 11:30.

True, I would probably do 8-8:30 then
I wonder where the bars are in Ottawa? That's a question I'll have to ask my friends about (via e-mail, don't ask about that stuff on Facebook. Then you'll just seem like a partier or something)

There are significant disadvantages to going to a ''typical'' bar if you have AS.The sensory overload and being in a room full of less inhibited people [due to alcohol] are not something that is easy for most people with AS.Watching more socially skilled and less inhibited people having a good time was never enjoyable for me . If it works for you ,then ,great but I think the majority of people who have AS would be wiser to hide their weaknesses and focus on their strengths.For me personally going to a bar brought out every negative or what was perceived as negative attribute that I had.I was socially anxious,mute and felt like a spooked deer when I was in a bar.

Have a couple drinks, find a nice corner, stick with your friends. Super awkward and over it really quickly, but it's an experience that'll round you out a little bit.

It's good to buy just one 12 oz. beer to drink very slowly. Otherwise, you look kinda awkward just standing or sitting there. The employees probably don't like it either if somebody just hangs out there not buying anything.

Couldn't you just get something non-alcoholic?

I think a lot of this advice really applies to trendy American bars. A lot of this advice would be totally out of place for a more down-to-earth bar or a British-style pub, for instance.

Thereby marking you out as a complete lightweight, as much out-of-place as it is possible to be and someone that is to be avoided.

Nothing wrong with having a few 20 oz. beers over the course of the evening. Keep it to about three or four, though, maximum and probably don't stay longer than an hour or two. These places can get terribly dull after a time.

You obviously look much more out-of-place if you drink nothing like the OP was suggesting. A "lightweight" doesn't get drunk off just one beer anyways.

I go to bar near my house and do this every now and then since it has metal bands performing often. I only drink one beer cause I'm there for the live music.

Well, yes, but if you can find a decent alcohol-free beer (like Erdinger Alkoholfrei) you won't have this problem so much. You could also try shandy.

Or, if you go to a bar that serves mild (it's an English-style malty and sweet, generally dark and generally low-alcohol beer that is also produced by quite a lot of craft breweries in the US that rarely exceeds 4% ABV and is often more like 3.5% ABV) then that might be an option too.



Some people do.

The main thing is that you don't want to sip it too slowly. A 355ml (12 oz.) beer would generally take me about twelve minutes to drink, although beer serving sizes are different in the UK (284ml or 568ml). People will definitely notice if you take an hour to drink a beer that's not much more than half a pint in that environment. Taking an hour to drink a 568ml is also pretty damn slow but some lighter drinkers do that.



Ah, but you've got a reason to be there and to do this. If you're going to a bar to watch metal bands perform, lots of other people will be doing so as well and many may not be particularly wanting to drink litres of beer. If you're going to socialise and be around people in a pressured environment, you can't really do that.

My only advice is actually really easy to follow, avoid eye contact unless your prepared to engage in conversation and try to keep your eyes aimed above people's heads, and when your talking to someone look at their forehead is eye contact is an issue, butnot for too long every so often talk while looking around,.