My Dilemma

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I've had strong feelings for this girl I met when I was eleven years old since we first met, but she showed no deep interest in me. After primary school she went back home to Poland and I haven't seen her since. I'm sixteen now and I still feel the same way about her. Last year I found her online and started chatting with her and eventually I told her about how I felt. She was really surprised and went on to tell me she was more interested in girls *facepalm.

A few months later however she went into a relationship with a guy and I went into a deep depression and at one point attempted suicide. It wasn't long before she changed her relationship status back to single and started telling me how she really liked me but her English isn't the best so it's hard to tell what she really means, in fact I actually told her she was like a brain tumor to me once and she seemed to work around it like she didn't know what I was saying.

I'm not depressed now and I feel like I should be over her because she lied to me and made me feel so bad, I don't know why I ever felt so strong for her in the first place, she's really not a great person... but I still feel like moving on would be betraying her, I still "love" her. But at the same time I hate her... I find it really difficult to understand myself. I'd like to meet other girls but as 16 year old aspergian that can be very difficult. I'm very handsome and witty but social interaction is so draining and I don't like going out very often. I guess I'm just trying to say I don't know what to do and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'd say that if you want to get to know others, you should at least try, aspie or not. My situation wasn't exactly the same, but I feel it was similar. I confused love with obsession, and only hurt myself in the long run in trying to pursue this one girl who had qualities I never really liked in the first place. The knowledge that I'm autistic has never stopped me from striving to at least make friends and seeing where things go, nor have I let myself be tied down by a girl who's just playing mind games.

Sorting.


Associating someone with your suicide attempt & suicide thoughts is not an action of love. That's an ugly, blaming action.


Saying alarming, death association things to someone is not an action of love. That's a threatening action.


She was alarmed that a guy 4 years and a half world away was obsessing about her and she evaded. If she were a wise woman (she's not, she's a sixteen year old girl) she would have shut you out completely. Call it lying, but her intent was evasion and it's understandable. She's not a crisis management professional.


You pulled more evasion on top of yourself by associating her with an ugly death reference.

You have been trying to project pain & blame onto this girl. Do you think that if you frighten her, or make her feel really bad, you will get her attention in any kind of worthwhile way?

The self harming, blaming, guilt projecting, behavior you're been engaging in will ruin your life and and drive people away from you. It's not a moment too soon to cut it out. You're an intelligent kid, try out some different ways of thinking.