bf is slipping i believe
17 Jan 2012, 10:33 pm
so pretty much this started as a ldr he lives 1200 miles away and originally he was going to relocate here in the summer and continue schol, a couple weeks ago he tells me that he wants to stay out there for the next three years before moving here and would want me out there, but I can't leave where I am because I would like to be around my mom. Anyway since then he's is seeming to become more distant not talking as much, taking forever to respond and actually never does until I send him a message again. His responses are also very short "cool" "okay" "hey" versus how we used to talk.
18 Jan 2012, 2:10 am
your post is bringing up questions for me.
why don't you both move someplace in the middle between your current locations? 600 miles is close enough to your mother that you could still visit a few times a year.
is your mother's health failing or do you depend on her for something major?
how long have you been together?
have you been fighting lately?
why does he want to stay there for 3 more years?
have you ever lived in the same location or has it always been an LDR? has he ever lived anywhere else?
it sounds like he is getting cold feet. maybe he has trouble with change, especially if he has never moved before. so maybe he wasn't ready to pick up and move far away from his current location and was hoping that you need him so much that you'd move to be with him no matter what. not sure. more background is needed.
sorry this isn't going well with him. i know it is tough to be far apart - it seems like you have to be twice as strong and twice as connected in an LDR because you can grow apart so easily.
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18 Jan 2012, 11:33 am
is your mother's health failing or do you depend on her for something major?
No she gets seizures and she's stubborn about taking medication. Also we have no family really in America here I am pretty much it when it comes to family.
how long have you been together? 5 months
have you been fighting lately? Nope he's just been incredibly short recently and seems to honestly be losing interest. I have to initiate everything and I just assume he's busy sometimes but according to him he never really is busy but doesn't always respond or even talk to me.
why does he want to stay there for 3 more years? he said to see his nephew grow up... but he wants to get his degree and then move here he said.
have you ever lived in the same location or has it always been an LDR? has he ever lived anywhere else? No yes no
18 Jan 2012, 1:10 pm
well it sounds like you both have the same aim - to stay in place and support family. it's a big deal to move far away from family for anyone who has never done it. seems like it is too hard for either of you to move at the moment so it may be a no-go. you are both close to your families and maybe don't want to sacrifice that.
honestly, i think he may be pulling away because he is not ready to move so he is attempting to break the attachment to you. from his early plans it's like he was ambitious about the idea of moving but the reality may be too much.
in an LDR there is usually one partner who has fewer attachments, who has the ability to get up and move. i am in an LDR and that person is me. i will be moving to his country in a few months. but it's really, really hard and a lot of people don't even understand how i am capable of doing it at all. so i'd say it's really a big step for anyone.
you might have to accept it will always be an LDR, or try to have a compromise (like moving to some place in between your locations, living for 6 months or a year in each location at a time, etc. no compromise is really going to satisfy all of the requirements though).
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18 Jan 2012, 1:17 pm
honestly, i think he may be pulling away because he is not ready to move so he is attempting to break the attachment to you. from his early plans it's like he was ambitious about the idea of moving but the reality may be too much.
in an LDR there is usually one partner who has fewer attachments, who has the ability to get up and move. i am in an LDR and that person is me. i will be moving to his country in a few months. but it's really, really hard and a lot of people don't even understand how i am capable of doing it at all. so i'd say it's really a big step for anyone.
you might have to accept it will always be an LDR, or try to have a compromise (like moving to some place in between your locations, living for 6 months or a year in each location at a time, etc. no compromise is really going to satisfy all of the requirements though).
I mentioned that he really doesn't want to do that. He still wants to move to nyc though so he says but I am getting the idea he wants to move to nyc and wants to see IF he still wnats to later.
18 Jan 2012, 1:23 pm
honestly, i think he may be pulling away because he is not ready to move so he is attempting to break the attachment to you. from his early plans it's like he was ambitious about the idea of moving but the reality may be too much.
in an LDR there is usually one partner who has fewer attachments, who has the ability to get up and move. i am in an LDR and that person is me. i will be moving to his country in a few months. but it's really, really hard and a lot of people don't even understand how i am capable of doing it at all. so i'd say it's really a big step for anyone.
you might have to accept it will always be an LDR, or try to have a compromise (like moving to some place in between your locations, living for 6 months or a year in each location at a time, etc. no compromise is really going to satisfy all of the requirements though).
I mentioned that he really doesn't want to do that. He still wants to move to nyc though so he says but I am getting the idea he wants to move to nyc and wants to see IF he still wnats to later.
yeah, i guess i was trying to soften what i was saying. essentially, without a compromise from you or from him it is not going to work. and the two of you are not willing to compromise so it leaves you with no options really. it's logical as he is pulling away as he probably already realised it.
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18 Jan 2012, 1:41 pm
honestly, i think he may be pulling away because he is not ready to move so he is attempting to break the attachment to you. from his early plans it's like he was ambitious about the idea of moving but the reality may be too much.
in an LDR there is usually one partner who has fewer attachments, who has the ability to get up and move. i am in an LDR and that person is me. i will be moving to his country in a few months. but it's really, really hard and a lot of people don't even understand how i am capable of doing it at all. so i'd say it's really a big step for anyone.
you might have to accept it will always be an LDR, or try to have a compromise (like moving to some place in between your locations, living for 6 months or a year in each location at a time, etc. no compromise is really going to satisfy all of the requirements though).
I mentioned that he really doesn't want to do that. He still wants to move to nyc though so he says but I am getting the idea he wants to move to nyc and wants to see IF he still wnats to later.
yeah, i guess i was trying to soften what i was saying. essentially, without a compromise from you or from him it is not going to work. and the two of you are not willing to compromise so it leaves you with no options really. it's logical as he is pulling away as he probably already realised it.
What kind of bothers me is that he isn't being direct. I have asked him why is he being less talkative and not as responsive he doesn't really gives reasons but apologizes. Then again what if he's waiting to see if I come around and move to oklahoma. Which I wouldn't do our families are so different. My family is in England and in America there is only my mother and grandmother (who we barely talk to) his family is huge in oklahoma. There is no way it's possible for me to leave my mother pretty much my only family that's in America and move cross country. He said before he'd want to visit every year but I don't know what he wants atm not even sure if he is completely sure as well.
19 Jan 2012, 12:53 am
That is indeed a tricky situation.
Are you both comfortable with the LDR? Do you ever visit each other? If so how often?
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19 Jan 2012, 1:20 am
That is indeed a tricky situation.
Are you both comfortable with the LDR? Do you ever visit each other? If so how often?
It's been 5 months little early and he's 1200 miles away so visits can't happen so often. I mean... there is no way I can just move to Oklahoma and leave my mom alone in new york with no family and basically no friends (they have all moved down south)
