When my girlfriend is stressing, I don't know what to do.

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Hello, I am new to this site. ( Just thought I would put that out there. )
I don't know much about aspergers or autism, except for the fact that I was diagnosed with it many years ago around the time I was six. It really doesn't help me either, due to the fact that I constantly feel helpless because of the relationship I'm in.
My girlfriend and I of almost two years love each other very much, and usually spend most of our time with each other. I'm happy, she's happy. Ideal couple in my standards. However, I never seem to be able to know what to say to her at the point when she needs a self esteem boost. Or she is stressing. It's like in my head, I think that if I just try to talk to her about it everything will be alright. Well usually what comes out of my mouth is either rationalizing the situation or it sounds like I'm being a therapist or telling her what she already knows. She tells me that what she really needs most from me when she is going through stress or negative emotions is for me to be quiet and listen to her because it works really well for her. Well that's really hard for me, being the jokester of my family, and because I have trouble understanding things or, I assume things. She knows a HUGE amount of my life because all I ever do is talk about myself, even when I try to stop myself to listen to what she likes and what she wants to do. Her best friend guy friend knows more about her than I do, and it makes me feel like I'm not being a good boyfriend because I can't seem to stop using "I" or "Me" statements.
She understands what she has to do when she explains things to me. It's almost like she was carved out of a beautiful diamond stone for me ( Sorry if this is beginning to sound cheesy or corny... ) I don't get mad at her which, plus I rarely show signs of being upset when I'm around her because I don't want to hurt her ever. Which in turn causes me to bottle up my emotions and or release them in a different room by looking at myself in a mirror and telling the problem to myself in an angry way so I can release the anger from myself. I love that girl to much to hurt her.
I just feel that I could do so much more, and she tells me I already do so much for her that make her feel so much better about herself and life. But I just feel helpless a lot.
( Oh, yeah and I apologize and worry beyond belief. )

Help?

My wife tells me this all the time, and I still screw it up all the time, because it's easier said then done, but here it is anyway. When she's talking to you, you have a natural desire to do what's good for her in that moment, and that's great, but that's not what SHE needs from you in that moment. She doesn't want you to try to fix the problem. She wants you to shut up, listen to her kevetch, and then maybe hug her and say "I'm sorry you're hurting."

It still doesn't make any sense to me. But I believe it's true.

I guess that makes sense, it's just the small voice and image in my head is like from movies, where the man always knows what to say and how to solve everything. I mean yeah, I know it's not reality but sometimes it just irks me when all these people I know talk about how great their boyfriend is and how he is so funny over the phone, and ya da ya da ya, da obla di obla da. I mean I know I have lots of good qualities about myself, but I guess the number one bad habit of mine that makes it hard for me to help her is that I always down myself. "Always" With my art, singing, acting, personality, "always." Kind of like what I wrote above.....it steps in my way of figuring out exactly what I need to do to understand. Which should be a huge key word for me, "Understand."

Actually you probably don't respond like a therapist because the most of them just nod their heads and say "Mmhmm" and occassionally, "Mmhmm, and how did that make you feel?"

I think your girlfriend is likely expecting your replies to her problems to be something of the sort of "Yeah?", "Yeah?" and "That really sucks," as well as a few questions asking her to elaborate on the situation.

I could be wrong.

Men, there's nothing can be done to understand them: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/ho ... 85978.html


lol

Hug her. Say "You'll get through this; I'm here for you." or "You can do this. I believe in you, because you are ______." or something else like that. You need to develop the ability to go into serious-mode. What I mean is that not everything can be made into a joke and make a situation better, though I admit a lot of things can. Broaden your character.

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I think you guys will like my blog. http://modestyking.wordpress.com/

This does give me a huge idea on what to do, all that really needs to be done is for me to try it. I feel that I can do it in my head, and heart. It just depends on when it actually happens, will me as a person be quiet.

Get a copy of a book called "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", your local library almost certainly has a copy.

It explains the fundamental communication differences between men and women, and the expectations of both in a relationship. It also covers the gap between what both sexes want and need, and suggests how to better deal with those differences.

It's incredibly, incredibly useful and essential reading for anybody in a relationship, or communicating with the opposite sex in general.

She has already told her what she wants you to do, which is to be quiet and listen to her.

Just do what she says.Not only girls but also anyone need a company when in a stress.Share her ideas and tell her what you feel about the matter.