100% Failure Rate

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As my name emphasizes, I am a virgin at the age of twenty-six and have never been in a romantic relationship. I often hear people say things like "You win some, you lose some". But these people have no idea what it's like to lose, lose, lose, and never win. To never have female companionship or female comfort aside from relatives. To never go to school dances or have a Valentine.

I suppose the most depressing part of it all is that I don't have any obvious issues. I'm not really the stereotypical virgin who lives in his mother's basement and plays video games all day. I actually have my own house, my own car, a job, I'm not (nor have I ever been) fat, and I don't have any children, obviously. I appear worse than virgins who are fat, jobless, and unambitious. They at least have some readily tangible excuses. I guess the good part is that at first I can pass as a normal guy who's been in tons of relationships. But as people get to know me and become more knowledgeable about my social life, they eventually realize that I have no women in it for the most part. Then they ask "Why not?", as if I haven't asked myself the same question a billion times.

At this point I'm convinced that nobody that I'm attracted to will ever be with me. I've heard the "give it time" speech and the "right one will come along" speech. Twenty-six years isn't enough time?! Another piece of dating solace that you often here is "You've got nothing to lose". How about your sanity? If searching for the "right one" begins to threaten my rationality, should I just give up?

Well if you are as clueless as I am, you've probably had opportunities and didn't see the signs. When it comes to showing interest, the standing tradition still seems to be the guy has to make the first move. If you think you might be in the spectrum, that might be beyond your comfort level or natural scope. This is where a site like eharmony might help, especially if you live in a densely populated area. Meeting someone on there kind of cuts to the chase. Have you tried that?

I've had opportunities and lots of times I didn't like them. Fat is a turn-off for me. Then there have been times when someone that I was attracted to seemed mutually interested in me. Either they bluffed or I screwed it up.

I haven't tried eHarmony (doesn't that cost money?), but I am currently using another dating site that I've used on and off for a couple of years now. I've never received a message from someone who wasn't overweight or without kids.

Ok. You are alone because you choose to be. You've got some things on your list that are reducing your odds of success. I'd say do whatever it takes to increase those odds. Either be less picky, spend some money on a serious site, or decide being alone is better than settling for less than what you want. And would you be willing to relocate for love? Good luck, ABV.

At your age you have to hide your past better, although most women will be sweet about it on the outside if they find out, on the inside it's a major turn off. Women don't want men that no other women want. So keep it together, if you are a comfortable liar, then brag about your exploits, day to day flirting, crazy (but smoking hot) ex-girlfriends, etc etc. If you get asked directly, it's best to say "It's complicated". If that doesn't stop them in their tracks (usually does), follow up with "I don't want to talk about it". They will make up all kinds of wild and wonderful love stories of their own accord.
":O maybe he was engaged, but she was killed in a terrible accident and now he's heartbroken (but ready to find love again)"
"maybe he had to move away from his childhood sweetheart :'("
"maybe he was in a very bad relationship (:O did it end with murder-suicide?)"

They never think "maybe he's a virgin" (well the ones who read this response will now hehehe)

I'd rather just be alone than be with someone I don't like. And for the record, I'm not cheap. I just feel that I've spent enough money on pursuing the "right one" already.

I know there have been several times I have had the opportunity and blew it either by saying something stupid or not recognizing it.

Hind sight is 20/20. I know I've blew 2 chances in the last 3 years. One was a chance to flirt with a decent looking (somewhat chubby) blonde girl at a gas station who basically said "ooh, you're cute" and smiled. I initially thought she was talking about someone else even though she was looking right at me. It didn't register until after I left the gas station and arrived back at work. I was tired, depressed, and caught off guard. It's not surprising that I failed.

The other chance was much more blatant. I was sitting next to a short blonde (a few extra lbs, not much) at the DMV getting a new picture taken. She looked at me and basically said I was hot when the DMV attendant asked her shy she was looking at me. This one registered with me, but I completely failed. I was sleep deprived, depressed, and didn't really believe her, and therefore I left without doing anything. I still mentally kick myself for not trying to act on that one.

Those were both around 3 years ago and were the last times I recognized any attempts. In the future if this scenario occurs again, I will probably fail again. Such is life.

about half of the U.S. population is overweight (apologies if you are not american). and the average age that a woman has her first child is 25. so if you are looking for a slim woman with no children, it's a smaller population than you imagine.

you would be eliminating approximately 50 to 75% (or more) of the available 25-year old women right off the bat, without even considering any other criteria. your dating pool is small. either you need to widen your search in one way or another (other sites, other geographic locations, wider age range for example), or accept that you are looking for a rare breed.

Feel you bro. I haven't had much luck in this department either. My only thought is that maybe you need to be tougher and learn to accept that you'll get rejected a few times by girls. Once you do that it'll be easier to make more effort to go for the girls who catch your eye.

I'm not sure I agree with Hyper's point either. Those statistics sound about right from what I've heard, but it's not like you only have to date women who're 25. There're plenty of single women who fit the criteria you've put here. As I say, I'd guess it's more a case of 'going for it'.

i picked 25 as an easy age for comparison, but if he goes older or younger there are more issues.

<25 years old - most desirable on dating sites, high volume of messages, least chance of response
>25 years old - higher rates of overweight/obesity, bigger chance she has children

no matter how you slice it, chances are slimmer than he imagines

I think it depends more on his 'hustle'. This sounds brutal, and the same goes for me, but his biggest task is probably to change his own approach and behavior. Whichever way you use statistics, there are still dozens of women on mainstream dating sites who'll meet him if he says the right things imo.

As a footnote, I remember an episode of Oprah from a couple of years ago where she discusses the issue of 'the majority of black women in America are single'. It was something like 70%. Also, I saw an episode of that Jerry Springer dating show 'Baggage', where one of the women's 'baggage' was that she'd been on 300 first dates in a year. Basically she had met a load of guys for short casual coffee shop dates after exchanging a few messages on a dating site. I guess the points you could draw from this are that 'dating' is quite fluid nowadays and meeting women isn't that hard if you can say the right things. Although I take your point Hyper, as Awkward gets older it will be harder for him to meet single women without children.

I've never been asked that question, and if i was asked, i would never give a serious answer



ABV!
In a nutshell, yes. If it means you're gonna go insane and lose your job, car and house. Or am I taking things a bit too literally. On a more helpful note, it might be worth you giving these 'fat' girls you don't like the time of day. Girls have friends you see, they can put a good word in for you

I agree with Aharon and Hyperlexian on what they say are. If you have too high standards and you are wanting this girlfriend so badly. Justfor you to know there is nothing worng with wanting love and attraction to a kind of person. it's humen. however when you have this requirement of what your soulmate must be this size, this look your list of protentail mates goes smaller. You must live with the consequences of being single and still try to find this mate. I suggest if there is not large amount of protentinal mate move to a different city. Like what am I am going to do. Move to new york city becouse that were most of the men of my culture is. You don't see me complaining about being single becouse I know I have to move to find what am looking for and I relies becouse am almost just attractive to men of my culture my dating pool is small.

That's hardly your stereotypical virgin.

As for the rest of your post, it's pretty clear, actually. You are a good looking guy but you choose to be a virgin yourself. End of story.

This post isn't really about your 100% failure rate, it's more about the: "why aren't hotter girls interested in me", with a bit of "fatties, don't apply" bias.

I agree with Hyper. She's telling me what I've known for quite some time. Those statistics are actually what I throw at people who accuse me of not trying hard enough.