re: dating women: What I've found helpful and why

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I found this website, www.doubleyourdating.com, that sells an ebook and related material on dating tips for men. When I first found it I thought it was run of hte mill self-help bs but on recomendation of a friend of mine who is quite the ladies man, I bought a copy ($30) and while I havn't mastered it yet, I can tell you, theres stuff in this book that clarifies all sorts of social stuff re: women, stuff that is *essential* for anyone with AS. Basically its tips and principles behind the tips for how to get women, what turns them on and why, and what turns them off and why.

(Ahem) As a married ASpie, I've been out of circulation for a long time, but reading the forums on this site I recognize the mistakes I made.

Reccomendation #1 Many NT women love animals, dogs, cats, birds, etc. As an Aspie male, you too probably like animals more than people in general. Take advantage of this, as in go read a book somewhere people (read NT women) walk their doggies. Know your breeds, and start the conversation off with something like "Wow, that's a lovely Corgi you have!."
NT women love compliments.
NT women love the fact that someone appreciates their taste in doggies.
NT women appreciate men who don't make NT statements like "Hey there's a rat on the end of yer dog leash."

I've sat down, so I'm doggie's height, looked the doggy in the eye and said hi there. You'd be surprised how often the doggy comes over to me. I then give them a back rub, like a rough petting and they love it. Meanwhile the NT women goes "Wow, he never goes to anyone. He really likes you! Would you come home with me and make love to me like a crazed weasel?"

Well, OK, I made up that last bit, but you get the idea. Make your differences work FOR YOU ! !!

First post, and trying to sell something?!? If your friend is such a ladies man, why did he need to buy this book? Note the word "essential" in asteriks also, what normal person writes like that? Seems like spam to me, trying to take advantage of lonely people...

I read that book, and one thing for sure: it makes all attractive women look like stuck-up, mean, manipulative [w]itches (change one letter). Also, the book makes being a ladies' man seem really easy, even though it's anything but that.

clearly I can't win. I am not trying to sell anything. Basically my experience w/ women has been this: while men judge based on one kind of aperance, women judge based on another: thier impression of your personality. Like most aspies my facade isnt really in sync w/ my emotional state. This book helps me to understand how to behave in a more woman-friendly manner.

My experience w/ women has also lead me to beleive a few things. Women arn't so much stuckup etc. as Aspie1 says the book says they are: rather I've found that its more a case of they all play games. If you're not playing the game, you're screwed. Note: i hate games of this sort. What I like about the book is that it shows how the game works and thus how to get past it. Thats really why its essential IMHO. Also, no being a ladies man is not easy but some of the principles of social interaction, which i acknowledge is bloody hard for us aspies - they can make things easier for us mortals, you know?

Jonathan79: I dont think your assessement is fair on any level. I mentioned the price because I figured folks would want to know. Far as teh bit about my friend, one thing I've heard over and over from lots of "ladies men" i know is that they werent born knowing the stuff. You have to learn it. even stuff as simple as how to tell a girl you like her (the first time that is). You can't walk up and tell her. THeres ways you have to sort of show it. Women aren't direct in communication like most men are and certainly not like Aspies are. I had no clue how to go up to a girl i liked and tell her so - the book covers that. I'd rather not repost it because its rather long and involved by webforum standards.

The book helps you get past the bs of the game that girls/women 'specially the more atractive ones all like to play. Its superficial and obnoxious. Its a lot of dialogue and body language with multiple meanings that is totally over the head of the uninitiated. FOrget how the book makes women sound. the whole point of the book is the techniques of how to get past the game women play.

Look the dude has a 30 day return policy for full refund. Try the thing out and if you still think I'm full of it, ok. But try it out b4 you flame me.

clearly I can't win. I am not trying to sell anything. Basically my experience w/ women has been this: while men judge based on one kind of aperance, women judge based on another: thier impression of your personality. Like most aspies my facade isnt really in sync w/ my emotional state. This book helps me to understand how to behave in a more woman-friendly manner.

My experience w/ women has also lead me to beleive a few things. Women arn't so much stuckup etc. as Aspie1 says the book says they are: rather I've found that its more a case of they all play games. If you're not playing the game, you're screwed. Note: i hate games of this sort. What I like about the book is that it shows how the game works and thus how to get past it. Thats really why its essential IMHO. Also, no being a ladies man is not easy but some of the principles of social interaction, which i acknowledge is bloody hard for us aspies - they can make things easier for us mortals, you know?

Jonathan79: I dont think your assessement is fair on any level. I mentioned the price because I figured folks would want to know. Far as teh bit about my friend, one thing I've heard over and over from lots of "ladies men" i know is that they werent born knowing the stuff. You have to learn it. even stuff as simple as how to tell a girl you like her (the first time that is). You can't walk up and tell her. THeres ways you have to sort of show it. Women aren't direct in communication like most men are and certainly not like Aspies are. I had no clue how to go up to a girl i liked and tell her so - the book covers that. I'd rather not repost it because its rather long and involved by webforum standards.

The book helps you get past the bs of the game that girls/women 'specially the more atractive ones all like to play. Its superficial and obnoxious. Its a lot of dialogue and body language with multiple meanings that is totally over the head of the uninitiated. FOrget how the book makes women sound. the whole point of the book is the techniques of how to get past the game women play.

Look the dude has a 30 day return policy for full refund. Try the thing out and if you still think I'm full of it, ok. But try it out b4 you flame me.

clearly I can't win. I am not trying to sell anything. Basically my experience w/ women has been this: while men judge based on one kind of aperance, women judge based on another: thier impression of your personality. Like most aspies my facade isnt really in sync w/ my emotional state. This book helps me to understand how to behave in a more woman-friendly manner.

My experience w/ women has also lead me to beleive a few things. Women arn't so much stuckup etc. as Aspie1 says the book says they are: rather I've found that its more a case of they all play games. If you're not playing the game, you're screwed. Note: i hate games of this sort. What I like about the book is that it shows how the game works and thus how to get past it. Thats really why its essential IMHO. Also, no being a ladies man is not easy but some of the principles of social interaction, which i acknowledge is bloody hard for us aspies - they can make things easier for us mortals, you know?

Jonathan79: I dont think your assessement is fair on any level. I mentioned the price because I figured folks would want to know. Far as teh bit about my friend, one thing I've heard over and over from lots of "ladies men" i know is that they werent born knowing the stuff. You have to learn it. even stuff as simple as how to tell a girl you like her (the first time that is). You can't walk up and tell her. THeres ways you have to sort of show it. Women aren't direct in communication like most men are and certainly not like Aspies are. I had no clue how to go up to a girl i liked and tell her so - the book covers that. I'd rather not repost it because its rather long and involved by webforum standards.

The book helps you get past the bs of the game that girls/women 'specially the more atractive ones all like to play. Its superficial and obnoxious. Its a lot of dialogue and body language with multiple meanings that is totally over the head of the uninitiated. FOrget how the book makes women sound. the whole point of the book is the techniques of how to get past the game women play.

Look the dude has a 30 day return policy for full refund. Try the thing out and if you still think I'm full of it, ok. But try it out b4 you flame me.

Okay, you're right, that probably wasn't fair of me. But, it did look rather suspicious. I would not have been suspicious had you been around for a little while and talked about yourself first. If you don't post again, I would still be suspicious. Don't leave on my account, stick around, its a good board, although there may be more honest misunderstandings like this than other boards. My apologies.

spacephrawg: I've been getting David D's cds in the mail now for a while - I kinda stopped reading and listening after a while though because I think I've gotten about as much out of them as I need to or care to. Its walking a really fine line because they're suggesting all the attraction triggers but you have to figure out who you really want to have interested in you to begin with, how much genuine interest you'd want from them regardless. For me I kinda use some of those tips in terms of just knowing the definite don'ts, some of the rest though in terms of doing it not only just doesn't fit me but like a lot of aspies being able to execute it smoothly and consistently can be next to impossible. For me I just play it humble for the most part, do what I have in terms of really trying to restrain whatever interest I have and just redirect it into general small-talk, and I do broach to find things out about their personalities because that means for more to me about a woman than anything. Personally though I also realize that I have to take the Grant Adams angle too - he talks about attractors, honesty and sincerety are things I tend to apply well, and being the fact that I'm refreshing in the sense of not being a player type is another reason why I don't want to run the game so much. Yeah, if a situation's right there out in the opened and begging hardcore for a smartass comment or cocky funny I'll do it but I don't like trying to invent that out of thin air - it just feels cheesy and especially as we as aspies are tough to read it tends to just confuse people and make them question our motives or get alittle creeped even rather than be charmed. In otherwords application of this stuff is really about knowing yourself, knowing your limits, and then picking and choosing just on what feels right for you.

technostepgenr8tion, I agree w/ your ending statement.

Also, I dont advocate that it is the only way things work. I just find it helpful because most women I run into play games - that and I have a fair bit of social anxiety mainly because I "dont know how things work". I hate games. Girls love them. Sooo I have to learn the game to get past it. I agree that some of Mr. DeAngelo's techniques can verge on cheesy but I've seen them in action and basically they work like mind control. They are not a substitute for being yourself. They are a way to get your foot in the door.

One tip I picked up from the book, and as presented in the book, it was a minor one, but for me it was an interesting eureka moment: dont divulge your life history on the first date. I talk about myself in person a lot because I'm a very self-involved type, typical of AS. This is fine for the guys and for shrinks but can push girls away like you wouldnt beleive. Its fine for when you get to know her better but in the begining you need to know how the game works so that you can pave the way for something more meaningful.

Jonathan79: No worries. Its all good.