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Tila
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Joined: 25 Dec 2012
Gender: Female
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26 Dec 2012, 1:22 am

I have lived with my aspi boyfriend for almost a year now....at first we felt in love, it was great! He was always around me and very happy! We found out he has aspergers not long ago but problems happened from the very start of our relationship. I have to say I was very demanding as I use to be with my boyfriends, perhaps due some insecurities of mine...but I love him very much!
Lately after an stressful event he decided to finish our story...He said he think he doesn't love me anymore....the sparkle is gone and that he should try and find someone with aspergers too...
I felt horrible and really depressed...I did the usual mistake of blame him or my self...but after a while I got enlightened and realized what he always tried to show me...that I was a pessimistic person and scared due my painful childhood...and that I could try and see his ways as just that and nothing malicious as I used to...
Today I know more then ever how amazing he is...how honest, sweet and caring he is! But he is distant now! We are still living under the same roof but we are mainly friends...sometimes(rarely) we have sex...I still hug him but he most of the time shows that he doesn't like it...he still tells me where he goes if he goes out....he is always sweet with me...sometimes he comes to my bed in the morning...most of the mornings I go to his and we cuddle....he loves to cuddle in the morning...
He stays most of his days indoors playing games in the computer...that is his obsession! He doesn't do anything else these days...that is how I met him when I first moved to his house as a tenant, but in our golden days he stayed out of the games but he always had trouble to go out with me...in one year we had gone twice to cinema(once at the very start of our relationship and last time was after he had broke up with me)...he is always very anxious to go out but specially with me...I know I didn't make easy for him as I would be demanding at first and sometimes even complain about his choices (which would drive mad any man AS or NT)...but I did realize and changed my attitude later specially after discovering he has aspergers...he has noticed I have changed but he is still distant.
Most of the time I think that he really doesn't love me but then sometimes he show so much care and affection...I know he still thinks I am attractive...he respects me very much and sometimes I think this is the problem(maybe he thinks he can't give me what I need..he said that in many occasions) as it seams sometimes that he is trying to control his feelings towards me...sometimes I realize he wants to hug me and he holds him self...and sometimes he doesn't hold him self...
It is all so confusing!!
I have quit my job a while ago so to help him in a project of a flat of his family...so to renovate and rent it out for him to keep the money...however it took longer then we expected specially due his lack of discipline and sometimes fear of just going out of the house...also I know that my previous intolerance and lack of understanding of his condition made me criticize and pressure him and obviously it caused even more fear to him( I feel really bad about it).
With time without realizing I became very responsible for him...slowly without noticing I was encouraged by his family and even from him to take care of him...to make sure he would do what was expected from him...and I took this role, again without realizing....after a while I became so stressed and pressured that I guess it helped me been critical(again...all this was before we knew he had aspergers...we always knew he was different but no one knew what was the problem...
Anyway....I feel that after so much pressure and stress from both sides he became overwhelmed with all and decided to end...
I didn't want to as I thought we could always work things out...and I felt hope after discovering he has aspergers as we then knew what to expect and that I didn't need to feel insecure anymore....however he had made his mind up and he still think he has no energy for a relationship...
There is a part of me that wants to listen to what he say and move on...but then there is a part of me that sees his affection and love towards me...I might sound arrogant but sometimes it seams he has no idea how much he loves me and how much he would miss me if I would leave....but then it might all be in my head....I have no idea anymore....can anyone help me please?



cathylynn
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Joined: 24 Aug 2011
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26 Dec 2012, 1:31 am

to be respectful of him, you have to go by what he tells you.



albeniz
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012
Age: 41
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26 Dec 2012, 2:09 am

I get the impression that there is not enough communication between the two of you. I suggest that you sit down and write out a list of simple, logical questions that you feel you need to ask your friend. Leave them with him and ask him to take some time and reflect before answering the questions, in written form, as best as he can. This should give you a better idea of where you are with him.