how to date someone without AS

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I've only dated one person with AS and that was before i knew i had it myself it not go very well at all and how does someone date someone without it and does someone go about educating them about it and explain what it about and how it effects how you as a person views life with AS .

Hopefully you have a kind and understanding person. Who knows that somethings need to be taken slowly. Don't rush into doing anything that you are not comfortable with. Relationships can be tricky regardless if you are AS or not. Communication and understanding is the key to any good coupling.

I'm under no description a ladies man, but I am currently in a relationship. I'll share with you a few of my experiences and tips of advice:

The other two girls I have dated in the past did not know I have autism, and I did not know them very well until we started dating. My then greater lack of social skills got in the way sometimes (not to say all the blame was on me for the failures of these relationships).

However, my current relationship grew out of friendship. I really believe that for us, it is much healthier to seek friendship before relationships. This is not to suggest that your choices are restricted to your current friends, but rather that a relationship might come from someplace more spontaneous than say, a mixer. It also helped a lot in my current relationship that my girlfriend was very interested in psychology to begin with (though she did not know much about autism beforehand).

Look for people who share with you similar interests, demonstrates some interest in you as a person and can connect to you. I would say those are key.

It's interesting because based on past experience, things have been much more promising when I've been interested in someone who was already a friend. There are more issues for aspies trying to connect romantically with people they have just met I think, speaking for myself, I find it hard to know I can trust someone in the often short space of time it takes to get together, because I need more time to find out who the other person is properly than an NT might. If there are warning signs as I am getting to know them then these signals can get blunted by my own hormonal responses which can be dangerous. Also, I'm one of those aspies who is quite different inside my head than on the outside around people I don't know well, I have got used to holding in my aspie traits to an extent, so it can take some time for a new person in my life to get to know the real me. I'm also objectively fairly attractive (I reckon!) and I've had situations where I'm interested in an NT and the NT build up an image of who I am from this kind of brief contact and my outward appearance, makes a move, we are together for a week or so and I can attached, then the NT figures out I am not as they assumed and abruptly withdraws interest. It takes me a long time to recover from this, so now I am more careful and like to get to know potential mates in a non-romantic way over a few months at least, so I know who I am dealing with and they know how I am inside before hormones enter the scene too much..

Hope that made sense!

Yep makes tons of sense; so much so; that I'd call it wisdom.

thank you for the wisdom imparted because I've let my emotions get the best me before in the past i like that you mentioned psychology because that my major of choice

That most definitely did. I share many similar dilemmas that you just mentioned.

Although I'm sure you don't need to hear this, but I would not take new relationships with people I have just met as seriously.

That idea could really help in the event of a split.

I think a lot of anxiety around new relationships is the same regardless of NT or Aspie status. I've had good luck starting relationships with guys I was friends with first, but then I'm single right now so obviously none of those relationships were forever. (But most of them were great for a year or more)
I think the really important thing is to have a mutual respect and appreciation at the beginning (nay, the whole shebang) and then it doesn't really matter what diagnosis comes into play. Because everyone has some bit of oddness in them that could potentially be a problem.

Thanks




Yeah you are totally right, if its possible to frame the situation like that mentally then that could be very helpful. I guess the issue with me is that I tend to obsess about people I am into or I have written them off so am not into them at all. So like, my mind could be not taking the new relationship seriously but my emotions inevitably would... the only way around this that I have found is not to be involved romantically at that early stage and if necessary, to explain that I am interested but we can't go there right now because I am like this to the new person.

Certainly, even platonic relationships are hardly stoic!

It's simple, just take off the AS and date her.

lol