Poll: If you tried dating, what flaw(s) did he/she have?

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northbrbrain
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26 Jan 2012, 2:26 pm

If I could have made the post title longer, it would have read:

"If you tried dating, what SERIOUS flaw was usually uncovered, making you feel like a complete moron for falling into it and thinking it was an actual date?"

As an Asperger female, here is my list:

-Guy1 lied about his first name
-Guy2 revealed he had an extensive criminal history
-3 needed to borrow money ($300) and was looking for the first available girl to lend him some to start up a business
-4 - compulsive liar


These are just a few on the list; if it was anything genuine, usually they didn't like me after the first date.

I try not to generalize here, as it is possible had I stuck it out with some of these dealbreaking situations, it would have led to a real relationship on an NT intensity and level, although most likely abusive or something else.

A few years ago, i came to the realization that I will have to spend the rest of my life single for my own safety and sanity.

Interested (men and women) to hear your experiences in the dating world 8O :?



elliterations
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26 Jan 2012, 2:51 pm

Let's see...

1. After having talked for about a hour, he lowered his voice so I had to lean in close to hear what he said, and he kissed me, giggled and said "oh my, how did that happen?". When the date ended, he gave me a self-help book with instructions on how to choose happiness and success and pull it into your life via elaborate hand movements.

2. While at first this man was all nice and sweet, soon I found out he had omitted getting divorced two weeks prior and had a son of five years. (I think I would have minded less if he'd told me earlier.) Basically, I was meant to be the Manic Pixie Dream Girl to help him "get back on his feet".

3. I really liked this man, but when he found out I was thinking of studying languages/literature/somesuch at university he began telling me how pointless and useless humanities subjects were, and that the only true joy anyone could achieve was in sciences. He later sent me many snide e-mails after I broke off contact.

4. 65 is not "almost 45!". It really, really isn't.



Lady-ivy
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26 Jan 2012, 2:55 pm

Well I was in a good relationship with a man. So I can't really say what flaws( nothing serious) which would have broken up the relationship. Everyone has some kind of flaw. But you and your parnters need to understand, work with there flaws and repect the their flaws if you want to continue relationship with someone. Are else that leads to break up

But me and this man broke up becouse we weren't feeling it anymore



Last edited by Lady-ivy on 26 Jan 2012, 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Matt62
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26 Jan 2012, 2:55 pm

Opposite problem, actually for me:

Used to run with my Dream Girl all the time. I might have called it date to my male friends ( of course, don't we always brag?LOL) but didn't consider it a date!
She DID consider it a date.
She played "Hard to get" a few times. I took this as rejection.
And we were both in love, too.
I am such an idiot!

Sincerely,
Matt



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26 Jan 2012, 4:39 pm

Oh my... where to begin...

Imagine this all rolled up in one package:

1.Control freak
2.Intolerant (told me Aspergers didn't exist and it was just an excuse)
3.The lowest self esteem of any girl I have ever met
4.Daddy issues up the ying yang (I can't blame her, but it was annoying as hell)
5.Hypocritical

I could keep going but then I'd feel bad.


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Fnord
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26 Jan 2012, 4:48 pm

Names have been changed...

"Annette" was an alcoholic on the rebound.

"Barb" just wanted someone to humiliate in public.

"Carla" had a crush on my cousin, and used me to get to him.

"Charisse" never told me that she was already married to a cop.

"Debby" wouldn't marry me because I wasn't Catholic.

"Eve" only laughed when I asked her for a date.

"Lynn" wanted me to be Daddy #4 to her three kids.

"Merril" smoked, and would lay anyone for a pack of Marlboros.

"Monica" called me every name in the DSM.

"Susan" had abandonment issues, and abandoned me for a pliable an submissive dweeb.

"Terri" gave me a rash in my nether regions.

"Trish" blamed me for her diabetes.



abacacus
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26 Jan 2012, 7:54 pm

Fnord wrote:

"Terri" gave me a rash in my nether regions.



...yeah that is indeed a problem.


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Erisad
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26 Jan 2012, 9:08 pm

My first boyfriend wouldn't kiss me. I wanted to know why, then I saw him making out with another guy. We broke it off two weeks later.

Second bf cheated on me early on.

Third was on probation for the rape of his ex girlfriend, after I discovered this the whole tone of the relationship changed and I'm glad I managed to get out.

My current bf is lovely. Sure he's loud and can get grumpy when his allergies are flaring up but he's a good fella who treats me well. :)



Daemonic-Jackal
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27 Jan 2012, 5:59 am

Won't list all of them on here but here's a few, the common denominator that they're all liars & hypocrites one way or another.

Number 1: Over-possessive, didn't want me to have any friends, claimed that my former best mate was giving her grief (which wasn't true) possibly lied about having a miscarrriage, although I can't prove that one way or the other.

Number 2: Didn't last long, I was the one making all of the effort all of the time. She broke it off claiming she was too young/immature for me and for a relationship yet every guy she has liked/dated since has been has been older then I am. :shameonyou: Despite that, to she is the one that got away.

Number 3 (LDR): Strung me along and used me as a stopgap for nearly 3 months before dropping me for someone else. Wasn't suppose to find out because when she ended the of the relationship, it was based on the grounds she wasn't ready for a really serious relationship (I was ready to relocate to be with her properly) discovered her dishonesty by accident a fortnight later, 2 months after that she was engaged to the **** she had ran off with. :shameonyou:

There's been others since who have also been a bit of a nightmare. In hindsight, my taste in women is pretty atrocious. :(


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kaiouti
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27 Jan 2012, 7:58 am

Untrustable, Very Burdened/Troubled, Wreckless, Bossy, Messy and Gross she was,

When I met her she said she was Bi
She was clingy and Could tell she's a bs'er and poser
She has many family issues and she has been abused
She would try to flirt and lie about liking you only to help herself and get help
She would lead you on to keep you around
She told me on one occasion she isnt really Bi, but fully gay,
I believe she's confused herself into "wanting to" belief shes gay when really its just the bad past that has turned her off men
another occasion she told me if she was straight Id be her bf
She would use you and expect you to be her bloody driver and look after her
Like a lot of people she is quick to say something she wants and hints or blatantly tells u to buy it or do it for her etc;
and sets it up to make you look like the bad guy if you don't jump and say "YES OK NO PROBLEM"
She expected me to run to her aid all the time.
She is a privileged b!tch who doesn't realise that although her family is very messed up,
at least she has a more stable house to live in than I do!
She was spoilt in my view and is a hopeless shard head.
She has a better living state than I do, so she has no bloody excuse to be as messy as she is, especially AT "FRIENDS" HOUSES!
She doesn't look after herself, she has no attractive style or dress sense
She is emo but puts no effort into looking good
She is a sad person who chooses to be lesbo
and seriously if she really was full lez, she'd try to fix how she looks or at least trim her bush
I don't even think she wears a bra



hale_bopp
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27 Jan 2012, 8:38 am

kaiouti wrote:
Untrustable, Very Burdened/Troubled, Wreckless, Bossy, Messy and Gross she was,

When I met her she said she was Bi
She was clingy and Could tell she's a bs'er and poser
She has many family issues and she has been abused
She would try to flirt and lie about liking you only to help herself and get help
She would lead you on to keep you around
She told me on one occasion she isnt really Bi, but fully gay,
I believe she's confused herself into "wanting to" belief shes gay when really its just the bad past that has turned her off men
another occasion she told me if she was straight Id be her bf
She would use you and expect you to be her bloody driver and look after her
Like a lot of people she is quick to say something she wants and hints or blatantly tells u to buy it or do it for her etc;
and sets it up to make you look like the bad guy if you don't jump and say "YES OK NO PROBLEM"
She expected me to run to her aid all the time.
She is a privileged b!tch who doesn't realise that although her family is very messed up,
at least she has a more stable house to live in than I do!
She was spoilt in my view and is a hopeless shard head.
She has a better living state than I do, so she has no bloody excuse to be as messy as she is, especially AT "FRIENDS" HOUSES!
She doesn't look after herself, she has no attractive style or dress sense
She is emo but puts no effort into looking good
She is a sad person who chooses to be lesbo
and seriously if she really was full lez, she'd try to fix how she looks or at least trim her bush
I don't even think she wears a bra


Yikes, I don't see what she saw in you.



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27 Jan 2012, 10:03 am

one wanted to order me around and thank goodness we never got further than making out

one wanted to manipulate me and told every guy I knew that we were sleeping together when we weren't

online:
one used a photo that wasn't his and when I asking about it he broke off communication

This one is on me:
recently I came on too strong with too much info, I fear and scared him the hell off.



Matt62
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27 Jan 2012, 3:45 pm

Aside from my lost first love (still friends) this has been some of my other experiences:

#2: Just wanted someone to sit with at Lunch. Or said so. Later, we did become friends, but she tried to use me to get back at her boyfriend once. A transparent ploy.

#3: Worse one of the lot! worked at a place I volunteered. e worked with dolphins. At first very sweet, blowing kisses at me etc,. Flirting. After we lost an animal, grabbed & hugged me in Grief. I of course, narrowly avoided a panic attack. But afterwards became shrill, domineering. Started to bully me & come between my other friends. Eventually caused me to have a melt-down. Destroyed my life & ambitions.
Its taken years to forgive.

Another was an alcoholic, that vanished on our date when I went to the restroom.

#4: My supervisor at work. Big NO NO. I had to follow company bylines.

#5: Turned out to be a drug abuser, meth & ecstasy.

#6: Had a brief relationship. Didn't believe in love, only sex. OK, but went back to her old boyfriend.

I think thar=t is nearly complete.

Sincerely,
Matt



kaiouti
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30 Jan 2012, 1:39 am

hale_bopp wrote:
kaiouti wrote:
Untrustable, Very Burdened/Troubled, Wreckless, Bossy, Messy and Gross she was,

When I met her she said she was Bi
She was clingy and Could tell she's a bs'er and poser
She has many family issues and she has been abused
She would try to flirt and lie about liking you only to help herself and get help
She would lead you on to keep you around
She told me on one occasion she isnt really Bi, but fully gay,
I believe she's confused herself into "wanting to" belief shes gay when really its just the bad past that has turned her off men
another occasion she told me if she was straight Id be her bf
She would use you and expect you to be her bloody driver and look after her
Like a lot of people she is quick to say something she wants and hints or blatantly tells u to buy it or do it for her etc;
and sets it up to make you look like the bad guy if you don't jump and say "YES OK NO PROBLEM"
She expected me to run to her aid all the time.
She is a privileged b!tch who doesn't realise that although her family is very messed up,
at least she has a more stable house to live in than I do!
She was spoilt in my view and is a hopeless shard head.
She has a better living state than I do, so she has no bloody excuse to be as messy as she is, especially AT "FRIENDS" HOUSES!
She doesn't look after herself, she has no attractive style or dress sense
She is emo but puts no effort into looking good
She is a sad person who chooses to be lesbo
and seriously if she really was full lez, she'd try to fix how she looks or at least trim her bush
I don't even think she wears a bra


Yikes, I don't see what she saw in you.


Your an idiot, I don't need your hateful opinion, you would of been better off staying off this site or even deleting your account and get busy rug munching.

You have no idea about my circumstances, soo who the hell are YOU to judge.

Can't you understand that the only reason I say hurtfull things about her is because I actually CARED about her,

Nothing you'd understand im guessing,

your probably a chick who'd keep her confused and lesbo which she isn't really,

shame on you and learn some manners,

I was the only one who cared for her and helped her in the plenty times she went to hospital,

learn some respect and I can be a nice guy, nothing you'll ever see from me.



Mego
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30 Jan 2012, 2:00 am

These are just the bad ones:

Guy #1: He was very anti religious and pretty much showed a lot of disdain for people who went to church. (I like people who are very tolerant of all types). He also said that he didn't think his father was his biological dad and was scared to get a test. He showed a lot of disrespect towards women and had major trust issues towards women (thanks to mommy who slept around). He went through my desk, phone, drawers at any chance he could.

Guy #2: Kept "losing" his wallet and asking for money. He would push the boundaries and see how much he could use me. Never could though hehe

Guys #3: Constantly did not remember things, refused to answer any questions head on, could not reciprocate, use language to twist things around. He was very good at "not lying" because of the particular word choice he would use. Narcissistic. By far the worst person I have ever met.

Guy #4: Lasted a summer and then totally dropped off the planet.

Guy #5: Always liked to take me around his friends and try to have sex with me in the bathroom or something. Lame.



abacacus
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30 Jan 2012, 2:15 am

kaiouti wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
kaiouti wrote:
Untrustable, Very Burdened/Troubled, Wreckless, Bossy, Messy and Gross she was,

When I met her she said she was Bi
She was clingy and Could tell she's a bs'er and poser
She has many family issues and she has been abused
She would try to flirt and lie about liking you only to help herself and get help
She would lead you on to keep you around
She told me on one occasion she isnt really Bi, but fully gay,
I believe she's confused herself into "wanting to" belief shes gay when really its just the bad past that has turned her off men
another occasion she told me if she was straight Id be her bf
She would use you and expect you to be her bloody driver and look after her
Like a lot of people she is quick to say something she wants and hints or blatantly tells u to buy it or do it for her etc;
and sets it up to make you look like the bad guy if you don't jump and say "YES OK NO PROBLEM"
She expected me to run to her aid all the time.
She is a privileged b!tch who doesn't realise that although her family is very messed up,
at least she has a more stable house to live in than I do!
She was spoilt in my view and is a hopeless shard head.
She has a better living state than I do, so she has no bloody excuse to be as messy as she is, especially AT "FRIENDS" HOUSES!
She doesn't look after herself, she has no attractive style or dress sense
She is emo but puts no effort into looking good
She is a sad person who chooses to be lesbo
and seriously if she really was full lez, she'd try to fix how she looks or at least trim her bush
I don't even think she wears a bra


Yikes, I don't see what she saw in you.


Your an idiot, I don't need your hateful opinion, you would of been better off staying off this site or even deleting your account and get busy rug munching.

You have no idea about my circumstances, soo who the hell are YOU to judge.

Can't you understand that the only reason I say hurtfull things about her is because I actually CARED about her,

Nothing you'd understand im guessing,

your probably a chick who'd keep her confused and lesbo which she isn't really,

shame on you and learn some manners,

I was the only one who cared for her and helped her in the plenty times she went to hospital,

learn some respect and I can be a nice guy, nothing you'll ever see from me.


Dude... lay off the personal attacks.


_________________
A shot gun blast into the face of deceit
You'll gain your just reward.
We'll not rest until the purge is complete
You will reap what you've sown.