Am I really done with this guy or not?

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Kaelynn
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29 Jan 2012, 5:28 pm

I'm an aspie and I went out with this NT guy for a year. He talked nasty to other girls and I broke up with him. We started talking again. And now we talk to each other like we are still a couple. We call each other "friends" but we do not act like friends. We still hold hands and say "I love you" but we are not together.

Every thing happens for a reason right? And maybe I wasnt supposted to break up with him in the first place. Maybe hes supposted still be in my life and Im not done with him. My problems with him are he can be a pervert some times. Hes very moody, more then normal. Theres so many reasons to not get back together with him. Yet there are so many reasons way I like him. Hes funny, we like the same things and for the most part we get along really well. He wants to get back together but Im not sure if I want that.

On top of all this theres an Aspie guy that I really like. I get along with him really well to. I dont need to list the reason why I like the Aspie guy. Apies are likable people. But the problem with the Aspie guy is I dont think he likes me back. He likes me as a friend. But other wise I dont know. The Aspie doesnt like the NT guy. He doesnt think I should have ever been together with the NT guy at all. If I got back with the NT guy I'd have no chance with the Aspie guy. But I dont even know if the Aspie likes me at all. So my questions are am I really done with the NT guy? What am I supposted to do?



tronist
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29 Jan 2012, 11:48 pm

Kaelynn wrote:
I'm an aspie and I went out with this NT guy for a year. He talked nasty to other girls and I broke up with him. We started talking again. And now we talk to each other like we are still a couple. We call each other "friends" but we do not act like friends. We still hold hands and say "I love you" but we are not together.

Every thing happens for a reason right? And maybe I wasnt supposted to break up with him in the first place. Maybe hes supposted still be in my life and Im not done with him. My problems with him are he can be a pervert some times. Hes very moody, more then normal. Theres so many reasons to not get back together with him. Yet there are so many reasons way I like him. Hes funny, we like the same things and for the most part we get along really well. He wants to get back together but Im not sure if I want that.

On top of all this theres an Aspie guy that I really like. I get along with him really well to. I dont need to list the reason why I like the Aspie guy. Apies are likable people. But the problem with the Aspie guy is I dont think he likes me back. He likes me as a friend. But other wise I dont know. The Aspie doesnt like the NT guy. He doesnt think I should have ever been together with the NT guy at all. If I got back with the NT guy I'd have no chance with the Aspie guy. But I dont even know if the Aspie likes me at all. So my questions are am I really done with the NT guy? What am I supposted to do?
erm. i dont know the NT guy, but he sounds like a douche. 'nasty talking' other girls when you are dating? sounds like a bucket of slime to me. should you go out with him? absolutely not.

if the aspie guy doesnt like him, it very well could be that hes jealous.

why dont you ask the aspie guy how he feels about you, or work towards finding that bit of information out.

seems like a better decision than giving a slimeball another chance just because hes charming and is likely tricking you into thinking he actually cares (guys that love you dont 'nasty talk' other girls).



ArtemisHolmes
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30 Jan 2012, 7:05 am

I don't think that you should give that relationship another chance. In fact, it's a bit unhealthy to be acting like a couple like that if you're not... I would suggest going for the Aspie guy instead. Describing him as 'likable' is a positive thing, at least. With the other, 'nasty-talking' guy, it seems as though you two had some things in common before and after the relationship, and so even if you aren't in a relationship anymore, there doesn't feel like there's much of a difference. That's because you're not inherently different people from the before to after phase. If you got back together with this guy, I think the same thing would happen. Instead of 'it was meant to be', it would be more like 'history repeats itself' with him.

Take a chance with the Aspie guy. Even if he doesn't like you now, knowing that you like him will probably cause him to like you back. Perhaps you could go up to him and say "I like you romantically. What should I do about it?" :lol: Well, it does give him a choice and it allows you possibly the best option for showing romantic interest, as he knows what he likes and you might not. But, whatever. If you think being blunt is good (Which is might be), then that can be accomplished in fun, non-awkward ways. If you want to be subtle about it, make sure he can catch on. Oh, and see the other guy less. Give the Aspie one a chance. We're very loyal, or at least I've seen that in a lot of us.


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Daemonic-Jackal
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30 Jan 2012, 12:12 pm

Kaelynn wrote:
I'm an aspie and I went out with this NT guy for a year. He talked nasty to other girls and I broke up with him. We started talking again. And now we talk to each other like we are still a couple. We call each other "friends" but we do not act like friends. We still hold hands and say "I love you" but we are not together.

Every thing happens for a reason right? And maybe I wasnt supposted to break up with him in the first place. Maybe hes supposted still be in my life and Im not done with him. My problems with him are he can be a pervert some times. Hes very moody, more then normal. Theres so many reasons to not get back together with him. Yet there are so many reasons way I like him. Hes funny, we like the same things and for the most part we get along really well. He wants to get back together but Im not sure if I want that.

On top of all this theres an Aspie guy that I really like. I get along with him really well to. I dont need to list the reason why I like the Aspie guy. Apies are likable people. But the problem with the Aspie guy is I dont think he likes me back. He likes me as a friend. But other wise I dont know. The Aspie doesnt like the NT guy. He doesnt think I should have ever been together with the NT guy at all. If I got back with the NT guy I'd have no chance with the Aspie guy. But I dont even know if the Aspie likes me at all. So my questions are am I really done with the NT guy? What am I supposted to do?


It depends on why you split up with him in the first place and whether or not that reason(s) still stands or can be rectified. Breaking up with him because he spoke nastily about girls does seem a little odd (if that was the only reason for you parting ways) only in the sense that if he spoke highly of other women all the time, then you'd probably start feeling jealous. I don't approve of his behaviour, I just don't think too much can be read into it. If he wants to get back together with you then its possible there is some regret on his behalf and maybe he'd be willing to change some of his ways if you talked things through.

Before doing anything though you need to decide who it is you really want. Don't chase the AS guy if you aren't completely certain that he's the one you'd rather be with, it wouldn't be fair to lead him up the wrong path. Given his dislike towards your ex-bf it does make him appear to be of the jealous type, although that doesn't prove for certain he likes you as more then a friend.

Either way, good luck but tread carefully.


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Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 30 Jan 2012, 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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30 Jan 2012, 12:27 pm

Kaelynn, when you say that he "talked nasty" to other girls, do you mean he was dirty talking or that he was mean to them?

if he was cheating on you with other girls with dirty talk i'd say not to get back with him (the way you said he was perverted makes me wonder if this is what you mean). on the other hand, if he was speaking in a nasty way to other women i'd say.... once again, don't get back with him. because if he is not respectful to other women it is a big red flag that someday he might be talking to you like that.

i don't know what you mean about the perverted part, but if he is into seual things that you aren't interested in... then maybe you're not too compatible. if he wasn't willing or able to give up those interests when he was dating you that could be a concern.

i don't know if the aspie guy is the right one for you either, as it sounds like the chemistry is absent. i am getting the impression you view this as an either/or situation but it's not. you can take option 3: stay single for a while and wait for someone more suitable to come along.


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justalouise
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31 Jan 2012, 1:31 am

if someone is into stuff you think of as perverse, then unless it's a real possibility that you could be into those things too, chances are you're sexually incompatible. i'm not saying that everyone has to be into the exact same things as their partner, but everyone deserves to have a partner who doesn't think less of them because of their sexual preferences.

also, if you're ambivalent enough about this guy that you would seriously consider breaking up with him if your other crush showed mutual interest--you should break up. to answer your initial question, no, i don't think you're "done" with this guy. but you really should be...for everyone involved!