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Grisha
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30 Jan 2012, 4:02 pm

For no particular reason, I've become interested in the etiquette on non-exclusive dating.

At what point of a physical contact is a relationship implied? Is it holding hands? Cuddling? kissing?

When I'm not ready to make a commitment to someone, I am extremely wary of making any sort of physical contact besides a polite hug at the end, even though I really like them and may want to be a little more affectionate.

Can I make out with a different girl every week and still not be a cad?

What are your policies on the subject?



fraac
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30 Jan 2012, 4:05 pm

Whatever you feel like, obv.



hale_bopp
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30 Jan 2012, 4:08 pm

I can't answer that.

All I can say is if you aren't interested in it developing into anything, make very clear boundaries to the other person in case they do.



MusicIsLife2Me
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30 Jan 2012, 4:17 pm

I personally prefer someone to TELL me what they want. I think verbal communication is key, yeah we are not always good at it but its not hard to say "I want you to be my girlfriend/boyfriend". If you have gotten to know someone well enough and are at least semi physical then it is quite easy because you would naturally have that comfort zone developed.

As far as running around with more than one, well that wont work. Its not me. I'm more of a one person at a time kind of girl. :D


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Last edited by MusicIsLife2Me on 30 Jan 2012, 6:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

mds_02
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30 Jan 2012, 4:20 pm

I don't know that physical intimacy necessarily implies a relationship, but I think most people would take it as a sign that you desire one.


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Grisha
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30 Jan 2012, 4:42 pm

It sounds like I had it right already, no physical contact until you're ready to commit.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Jan 2012, 4:51 pm

I haven't a clue about the social norm, but I don't 'make-out' unless I'm either interested in some sort of relationship or am already in one with the person.


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curlyfry
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30 Jan 2012, 5:04 pm

I don't think a kiss good night would hurt. I would expect the guy was interested if he chose to communicate the next day (after a date) either text or phone, etc.



Grisha
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30 Jan 2012, 5:26 pm

curlyfry wrote:
I don't think a kiss good night would hurt. I would expect the guy was interested if he chose to communicate the next day (after a date) either text or phone, etc.


How "good" of a kiss?



Ann2011
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30 Jan 2012, 5:49 pm

It depends on the other person. Some people can have sex and still not feel they're in a relationship (from unfortunate experience.)



mv
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30 Jan 2012, 5:54 pm

I think Ann2011 has hit upon an important point. It comes down to the intentions of the person behind the action, not the action itself. That being said, I think a hug or a kiss-on-the-cheek are okay and don't necessarily signal intent beyond, "It was nice to spend some time with you."



aliensyndrome
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30 Jan 2012, 5:59 pm

Commitment requires verbal agreement. Not everyone is romantic or monogamous, so some people date so much it might creep you out. I can't imagine pursuing or being involved with 2 people at once, so I think I may understand where you're coming from to an extent.



Grisha
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30 Jan 2012, 6:14 pm

mv wrote:
I think Ann2011 has hit upon an important point. It comes down to the intentions of the person behind the action, not the action itself. That being said, I think a hug or a kiss-on-the-cheek are okay and don't necessarily signal intent beyond, "It was nice to spend some time with you."


I think I would leave it at that, unless of course I actually had intent beyond that...



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30 Jan 2012, 6:14 pm

Commitment = Wedding, or at least a ring and a date, or pregnant, or already have a baby. If you have a kid or are about to have one, the decent thing is to get married to protect the kid's interests, and that of the partner, also. If you don't want to get married, then don't get pregnant (as either mother OR father).

Relationship = getting physical, and being seriously emotionally involved, but without the stuff above, in Commitment. If you are not married, or at least engaged, there is no commitment, and either person is free to date other people. This lack of commitment sometimes leads to problems, as at least one person in the relationship often takes it more seriously than the other, and gets upset when the other person dates other people.

Friendship = involves no physical contact, or just hand holding, a hug, a quick kiss, or other minor contact. There is neither Commitment or Relationship here, but there can be a lot of fondness.

Acquaintance = no contact, except maybe an occasional hug or quick kiss hello/good bye. There are generally only low levels of fondness associated with Acquaintance.

No matter how good or bad people are at communication, they need to make it clear to one another what level of interaction they are looking for right from the first. There are too many people who don't do that, and this causes a lot of problems for everyone. There are no real mind readers out there, so please, just tell the other person what level you are seeking in a relationship.

I've noticed that women are especially bad about thinking others can "read" what the woman wants. For the record I am also a woman. My mother even thought I could "read" what she wanted. One evening she wanted to call her brother in another state, but first she asked me if there was anything on TV that night that he would be interested in watching, as she did not want to call him at a bad time. I laughed as I told her to call him and ask him. I am not a mind reader.

I hope I have been able to lay things out clearly.


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Grisha
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30 Jan 2012, 7:12 pm

questor wrote:
Commitment = Wedding, or at least a ring and a date, or pregnant, or already have a baby. If you have a kid or are about to have one, the decent thing is to get married to protect the kid's interests, and that of the partner, also. If you don't want to get married, then don't get pregnant (as either mother OR father).

Relationship = getting physical, and being seriously emotionally involved, but without the stuff above, in Commitment. If you are not married, or at least engaged, there is no commitment, and either person is free to date other people. This lack of commitment sometimes leads to problems, as at least one person in the relationship often takes it more seriously than the other, and gets upset when the other person dates other people.

Friendship = involves no physical contact, or just hand holding, a hug, a quick kiss, or other minor contact. There is neither Commitment or Relationship here, but there can be a lot of fondness.

Acquaintance = no contact, except maybe an occasional hug or quick kiss hello/good bye. There are generally only low levels of fondness associated with Acquaintance.

No matter how good or bad people are at communication, they need to make it clear to one another what level of interaction they are looking for right from the first. There are too many people who don't do that, and this causes a lot of problems for everyone. There are no real mind readers out there, so please, just tell the other person what level you are seeking in a relationship.

I've noticed that women are especially bad about thinking others can "read" what the woman wants. For the record I am also a woman. My mother even thought I could "read" what she wanted. One evening she wanted to call her brother in another state, but first she asked me if there was anything on TV that night that he would be interested in watching, as she did not want to call him at a bad time. I laughed as I told her to call him and ask him. I am not a mind reader.

I hope I have been able to lay things out clearly.


Thanks for that, it really clarifies things - I just have a real hard time defining the levels between "acquaintance" and "relationship". I always feel that if you meet someone on a dating site, then it's "all or nothing" either you form a relationship almost immediately or you move on.

I just don't want to hurt anyone, I'm extremely paranoid about that, and for very good reason...



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31 Jan 2012, 4:00 pm

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