BPD and Aspergers...

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I have BPD and Major Depressive Disorder and my best friend/ boyfriend has Aspergers. I love him and asked him to be my boyfriend and he accepted very gladly. In his own way he has shown that he cares for me as well. I was wanting to know what to expect. I knew a fair deal about Aspergers before I met him because I like to be informed about interesting thing. So it made getting to know him a lot easier. I know no one is typical to any condition but... yeah.
What can I expect?
Emotionally?
Physically?

(He is not as sensitive to touch as I expected.)

Emotionally he might occasionally appear emotionally "cold" from a non autistic perspective because he may not have learnt to express how he feels in a manner you will recognise. This can potentially lead to misunderstandings/arguments if you misinterpret a lack of signs you can notice as him not being interested, not finding you attractive or not caring. This can be solved by communication; him understanding how important it is to you to be able to see how he feels, and you understanding him more. (And it looks like your making a good start!)

When it comes to touch, he might be more sensitive than you are and he could make the somewhat natural assumption that his limits of what he would be physically comfortable with is are the same as yours leading to a mismatch of expectations, where you might consider him standoffish. Alternately, he may understand your expectations regarding physical contact are greater than his and he may compensate by pushing himself further than he's really conformable going to get to where you want/need him to go.

If he's doing that then he's probably happy with doing so to make you happy, but it's worth remembering he's pushing himself well beyond his limits and he could misjudge and push past what your happy with, and anger you. Again, effective communication helps.

Are you getting constant psychiatric treatment for your BPD?

This relationship won't go too well without that treatment. Relationship-wise, I'd be more concerned about you rather than he.

IDK, one might want to consider how much she fits the criteria first. There are a lot of personal reasons why one might get a BPD diagnosis, and it doesn't always involve a stroppy personality. I'm very quiet, for example.

I don't think you're in a position to judge whether or not someone else needs constant psychiatric treatment or not. Besides this thread is about what sorts of things to expect from a boyfriend with AS so why not stay on topic?

Right on, Sweetleaf.

I didn't judge her as having BPD. She said it herself.

All of this matters to the topic anyway. It's about their relationship. So I made a remark about this particular relationship.

If you have a problem with what I said, PM me instead. That way, we really keep this on topic.

What's the point in PMing you now? We already said what we think about what you said.

I was not saying you judged her as having BPD, rather you where being judgemental about it. BPD does indicate the individual with it has to have constant psychiatric treatment in general or that they need it in order to have a successful relationship. That all depends on the individual with it.

and its not really important enough for me to PM you about it, I disagreed and thought it was kinda judgmental...especially because you did not even give any reasons as to why. But it's just the internet.

I do get regular treatment. Group DBT once a week, individual therapy once every two weeks, and doctor as needed. I am more of a stand off BPD like..... You might leave so I am not going to bother getting to know you. (he is VERY supportive with my trying to stop cutting <3 )
He is different... We trust each other and feel an odd kinship with each other. Neither of us have had many people that we felt close too. There is a shocking amount of understanding between us.
As far as affection goes he isn't always good at catching on, but I do have a problem with having a flat affect so that might add to his difficulty. Verbally he catches on well and will be like awwww and sweet and cute or aww babe depending on good or bad subjects.

The two main things I am concerned with is what to do if and when he has a meltdown.
Then sex... He is rather eager to get physical. I want him to be comfortable and satisfied. Sex is such an involved physical act and I want it to be the best experience for him. I don't want him to get overstimulated...

...

Last edited by comawhite on 01 Feb 2012, 11:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

BPD is a disorder which is characterized primarily by, (DSM criteria) "A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships."
So yes, ongoing therapy in a relationship with a person with BPD is relevant and necessary.

I think it should be up to the individual with BPD...that's all, not saying it can't be beneficial or anything.

Like I said, not everyone with BPD is like that. Pretty much everyone who gets some kind of hospitalisation or day clinic for self-injuring will get a diagnosis, and BPD is the most common diagnosis in those cases. Nevermind that they can be a normal teen who has the same problem that are typical for their age group, a misdiagnosed Aspie (because a differential diagnosis will not be made in those cases), or something else.

Your argument really is that not everyone with the diagnosis of BPD is like that. I agree here, but that's not what's being contested.

So you claim BPD exists organically in people, irregardless of whether or not it gets diagnosed? That's fine, I acknowledge your perspective. But to me, the only condition for the existence of a disorder is to have a mental health professional try to piece together what they know or heard about a patient to fit them a diagnosis. People are advised against self-diagnosing because the consensus is to leave it to a medical authority when it comes to mental disorders.