Is it just me?..

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Or do a lot of the people around here seem pretty darn shallow??? (when it comes to realationships)

Okay i know the Aspie marriage success rate is terrible (80% failure) and that as people with AS or other related disoreders it is hard to form relationships even when we are jus talking about making firends... (i am also aware there at countless NTs that are the same way) But it seems to me that a lot of people areound here are really shallow when it comes to relationships... seems like most of you would rather have a one night stand than an actual relationship. I am in no way condoning the behavior im just wondering if anyone else feels some of the people around here use thier disorder as an excuse to just go from person to person without putting fourth any real effort to see if they are compatible with the other individual... it makes me wanna say for some of them to grow up (hey if yall arent meant to be then why the heck are you having sex with them that is SO very shallow and just shows ho much LACK of control you have)...

BTW i aint sayin sex isnt great but i am saying that maybe some of these individuals who are acting like this should think about the other person first before "doing the dance with no pants" (as howard form big bang would say). I mean i know it is hard for us to show empaty but just think about it... if your intentions are not to try to see if you can have a relationship with this person and its only for a good time, just think about whether the other person is going to be hurt when you dump em on the curb like last weeks trash... if they are looking for the same thing as you and just want a good time well then hey go for it as long as no one is being hurt in the situation and there will be no emotional fallbacks from it then whaterver man...

I'm not sure, sorry. Although I did spend many months pursuing a girl with AS, and I suspected that she used AS as an excuse to use me for the attention I gave her. Although I don't know this for sure. I mainly just want to ask where you read the 80% marriage failure stat.

There's nothing wrong with one-night stands. Our forefathers reproduced that way until someone recently (seen from the timeline of homo sapiens sapiens) invented monogamy. There's nothing shallow about it either; it makes stuff easier.

Relationships and commitment can be very stressful and emotionally draining for those of us on the spectrum, they can usually end up in disaster and misunderstanding. It isn't as simple as just marrying someone, there's so many determining factors which make it difficult for us to function in relationships. It's definitely not a case of being shallow, it's a matter of knowing what is best for the individual person.

Well, evolutionary arguments notwithstanding, I for one just want a meaningful relationship with someone, like I have right now. My GF and I have not yet had sex, for one thing she's a virgin and comes from a conservative family, and while she doesn't necessarily adhere to the idea of premarital abstinence, it's going to take a lot more than a six-month relationship for her to give up her virginity regardless of who it's with or how meaningful the relationship is. That said, she and I enjoy a very close emotional bond based on mutual honesty and understanding. Sure, I may not exactly be the most socially savvy person on the planet, but my love for her is genuine and she realizes that. As for issues pertaining to my AS, she is understanding and forgiving for most of it, and the few things she can't normally stand she will forgive me for, in return I try to change myself for the better so that these things aren't an issue.

We've been going six months like this, and while there is kissing involved we haven't really had much time together to go further than that. (Course, it doesn't help that the past 2 months she's either been too busy to spend more than a few minutes alone with me because of finals, or too sick to allow physical contact. She's pretty much quarantined herself in her dorm room this past week because of a nasty case of flu, today was the first time I really spent any time alone with her for a while, and she would NOT let me touch her, not that she didn't like it, but she was afraid she was still contagious and she did not want to risk passing it to me, regardless of how many times I told her that my immune system is more resilient than the demographic average. In other words, she refused to let me touch her BECAUSE she loved me, not the other way around) But honestly, that's ok. I enjoy our emotional relationship greatly, and while I believe I would enjoy a physical relationship with her if she was willing, I am happy to let her decide that (not that it isn't her decision to begin with, because it is).

If our relationship continues and becomes deeper and more serious (which in all likelihood is probable, personality wise we fit together like puzzle pieces. I once likened our relationship's chemistry to that one time my CHEM 1000 professor blew up a balloon full of hydrogen gas in the middle of the classroom building to wake people up. H2 + O2 -> H20. An easily triggered yet powerful reaction, much like our relationship happened almost spontaneously, and that we can understand each other easily, and our relationship is deep and meaningful), then there will probably come a day where she will want to explore the physical aspects of a romantic relationship. If and when that happens, I am all too happy to oblige. But even if it doesn't I enjoy the emotional aspect of our relationship greatly. The real reward is sharing our time together and mutually caring for each other in our everyday lives, when it does happen the sex will just be like icing a cake. The finishing touch to a relationship which requires effort but is it's own reward.

This thread is foolish because I think we all are shallow to a certain degree. It is human nature.

We also live in shallow societies where many many men only want to date beautiful-looking women and many many young women only want to date men who have enough money in the bank who can provide for their wants and needs.

So yes, we live in shallow societies and this is not going to change any time soon.

I'd rather have a relationship without sex than one night stands. It's an emotional issue.

I feel like I'd have to know a person before "getting intimate".