Dealing with a partner's long term illness

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I currently live with my fiance, who I've been involved with for going on 3 years now. He has Crohn's disease, a chronic condition that means a lot of pain and fatigue and all kinds of problems for him. It got really bad this past summer, he ended up being hospitalized for 2 months straight and undergoing 3 different emergency abdominal surgeries. He's now working on recovering, but it is a long slow process. I expected this to be a trying time, but it's even moreso than I had anticipated; he's always exhausted and in pain, and I spend a lot/most of my time seeing to his needs. As a result of his discomfort he is very easily frustrated and we've been fighting a LOT. It's really starting to get to me, but hopefully it'll pass eventually.

Does anyone else reading this have experience dealing with this sort of thing? Any insight or advice would be most welcome.

Don't burn yourself out.

I've seen what happens to people who spend their life looking after their partner.

Be there for him, and be kind to him. But don't feel bad about getting other people to help out when they can.

My brother has ulcerative colitis, which is a cousin disease of Crohn's disease; and it was never easy.

Thing is, that you aren't his parent nor his sibling so you're not obliged to look after him for live.

You have the option to find a healthier partner.

I can imagine how strenuous this must be. I have Crohn's disease too, but so far I've managed to get around surgery. Even if it meant living of chicken soup and protein drinks for months at a time.

I imagine that your fiance takes corticosteroid medication such as prednisone. Cortisone is a stress hormone that can make people very irritable. Depending on how much of his bowels were removed, he probably also can't efficiently digest food anymore, which can lead to deficiency syndromes. That's why Crohn's is so often accompanied by mood disorders, depression and fatigue.

I've found that vitamin supplements can help a great deal. Vitamin B deficiency is the most common, and highly dosed vitamin B greatly improves my mood and my ability to cope with stress. Vitamin C and D might also be deficient, and salmon oil or other omega 3 sources can help repair damaged gut tissue. This might be worth a try. Other than that, I'd recommend lots of camomile tea, which is both anti-inflammatory and calmative. I mix it with fennel tea as a digestive aid.

Hey OP - I think you're doing a lovely thing for your fiancee.

I recommend reading the book, "Ultrametabolism" by Mark Hyman, MD. I think it may have some good info for your fiancee. I also hope you look into finding a support group, or at least make time to do things you enjoy or spend time with people who can provide you some type of support. It is very difficult taking care of someone who is going through such a rough time with a chronic illness. It's stressful, and tiring - no matter how much you love your partner. So please take care of yourself - you need to recharge to be able to continue providing such wonderful support to your guy. Take care, and good luck.

My ex husband has Crohn's. I lived with him for over 5 years.

I'm also a Crohnie myself. Unfortunately, I realize how hard this is to deal with. I had to actually leave my family because my step-father was a jerk about it ( and in general).
I've never had anyone really stand beside me & support me ( I have benefited from Support groups & HealingWell on the Web)but that is because of my ASD difficulties. Actually, if I'm flaring, my traitorous defenses find that a good time to signal retreat & make me withdraw from EVERYBODY.
I thing I had more trouble excepting that I had a chronic illness than I do accepting my neurological/psychological issues..
You are doing a very good thing, please be strong for him!

Sincerely,
Matthew

I don't have Chrohn's, but I have a condition that causes me extreme fatigue and lots of pain. I have dated several people in the past, and my current partner has been the most supportive of my condition.

I don't know if you have AS or if you partner does or what, but maybe think of it this way. If you do have AS, maybe you feel sometimes like your significant other can't fully understand you. He probably feels the same way about his illness. Having a chronic illness can make you feel pretty alone, because no matter how much your friends try to learn about it they can never actually experience it. Is it the helping him when he needs it that gets to you, or is he being difficult? If you just don't want to deal with the things that go along with his illness like helping him, then it's ok to get out of the relationship.

This is just from me personally...I'm not saying he feels this way. When the pain and stuff gets really bad, sometimes I consider that my significant other might want to leave me because I know I can be sort of pitiful when I'm sick. If I get down about that, I have a tendency to get sort of annoyed with her and I become a little distant. I try to do more things myself that I'm not capable of doing and make myself sicker, which makes me become more easily annoyed with those around me.

The best advice I can give is communicate with him as clearly as possible and be honest. Don't walk on eggshells all the time. Try to see things from his perspective, and realize that you won't be able to fully understand how he feels all the time. Sorry that's pretty vague advice.