What comes next

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The thing is I came out of a difficult long term relationship and now I feel like I just want to be left alone untill the right person comes into my life.

I havnt got any friends and never needed them, I like being alone alot of the time but I get ever so emotional every time I see happy couples. im not jealous I just wish I had the same.

I recently got close to a women and had sex but that didnt fulfill me. Everytime I fall in love people say its infatuation because of the way they become my life. Now day's I feel like most women are corrupted by alpha men and have no desire for nice men either.

So what Im trying to say is this, Im torn between two desires, the first is I want be left alone and the second is that Id like to find love with an attractive lady who isnt shallow and would be able to offer me companionship and mystery. But again is it me or are nearly all attractive lady's shallow.

I too discovered that sex, and female company per se, were neither of them panaceas.

I'm not sure I'd find it easy to convince anyone who hasn't been there, though.
It is so much held up as the thing to do, the state to be in.
And to be fair, for many it appears to be a great thing. Don't knock it if it works.

Though still tempted from time to time I've pretty much decided than no match/mate is better than a bad match/mate.

If I find that good companion (by stumbling over, I'm not actively looking) that would be wonderful, but I'm not hanging my wellbeing on that hook.

I've done it for so long myself, either total obsession with a woman, or none at all... I've finally decided to simply do what I desire to do, and if I find someone I'm COMFORTABLE with and whom I'm attracted to, I will definately pursue it..

I will never again pursue someone whom I think I can help, as every time this happens I become obsessed, and they use me and toy with me knowing I won't give up until I break.

Thats the essence of finding happiness with another isn't it? Being satisfied alone so that the other person isn't "needed" but is eternally "wanted"

I found that balance between these two things: escorts. I get to enjoy life free of burdens of having a girlfriend. (The burden would normally consist of having to call her every day, remembering all the occasions and holidays, and brining her along wherever you go.) However, when my "plumbing" is getting "backed up", I call an escort agency, set up an appointment, then go where they tell me to, which is usually a four-star hotel. After the appointment, I walk out smiling, smoke a cigarette, and feel happy for month or so. Sure, with a girlfirend, I could "flush out my plumbing" a lot more often than once a month, but with my bad looks, I have no right to even think about having a girlfriend.

My sentiments reach out to you all, Love is the most confusing thing in my life, I finally told my friend today that I love her and I think I was holding back the feelings for her as not to spoil the friendship and needed to get to know her more. But she also might have as so at the moment she is feeling a little affraid now and wont admit to having any feelings for me even though in the past she has hinted.

So I guess ill see what happens, Hope u lot will find happyness in any choice you make in future.

Thanks for ur time

Neb