Great relationship, but we could still use some advice..

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I have recently self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's (as a psychology/biology student, I've done plenty of research), and although I have developed social skills enough to get along in daily life, I still have issues with closer interpersonal relationships, especially romantic.

My boyfriend is amazing, and he's very supportive, but we occasionally experience conflict over some of my aspie tendencies, and I'm just not sure what to do. One of the biggest issues is that I constantly want him to explain everything to me, especially his emotions. He's not much of a talker, and even though he really tries it's never enough for me. I never feel like I completely understand him or know him (despite knowing him for almost four years). I just can't seem to understand anything unless it's spelled out for me in verbose detail. Also, sometimes I freak out a little about being touched- which, of course, upsets him, because he never sees it coming and my reaction is apparently a little dramatic. I try to explain myself (how sometimes this anxiety just builds up and pops out unexpectedly), and he says he's not upset with me, but I know it hurts him, and I know he doesn't understand.

And not all of the problems are interpersonal conflict, some of it is intrapersonal. For example, I often feel anxious and I'm constantly worried that he's upset with me or that I'm bothering him somehow.. Even the slightest difference in our usual habits (such as him turning his back to me in bed before explicitly saying goodnight) causes me to start obsessively catastrophizing and imagining all the possible reasons why he might be upset and all the possible outcomes of that. I worry that we'll fight (despite the fact that our "arguments" can't even be called "fights"), I worry that he'll abandon me, I worry that I'm doing things that bother him and I'll never know until it's too late and he's fed up, etc..

Does anyone else experience this? Have any of you solved similar problems? I'd love to hear if anyone else is going through something like we are, and I'd especially love some tips on how to improve our relationship.

I must say that I had similar problems in my current relationship (only 6 months long) regarding my aspie tendencies. I must say that any interpersonal issues get worked out rather quickly, it is simple matter of communication - when any problem arises, we simply talk about it and solve it usually by making some sort of compromise. Regarding the need to have everything explained, I simply said to my girlfriend, that it is impossible for me to take into account, or adjust to any information I am unable to understand and when I ask for extra explanation of something, it means I do not understand that. Therefore if she wants me to take into account or adjust to some specific information, then she must be ok with me demanding a thourough explanation. On the other hand I stopped demanding explanations in the matters I view as unimportant (for example when she talks about her cat). So my advice here would be to talk about these problems, whenever they arise and then solve them fairly.

As for the intrapersonal anxiety thing, I have also some experience with it. I think that it is primarily caused by unhealthy attachment. I remember that in my first relationship, I was also way too anxious about my girlfriend leaving me, but I thought it is ok to feel like that. However, the realization that such attachment is unhealthy came when she really left me (and I think part of the reason for that was that my anxiety probably caused her discomfort that compelled her to terminate the relationship), and I must say that the break up hit me really, REALLY hard. So from that time on, I try not to attach myself too closely to anyone; when I feel that I am becoming too attached I employ certain thinking patterns that put me on the right track. I am aware that this might sound weird, but this made my current relationship much nicer and easier; keeping my distance not only helped me with anxiety from possible breakup (now, I view breakup as a distinct possibility that can happen anytime regardless of my actions) that can induce some other issues, for example severe jealousy, it also helps me to prevent any pathological changes in my attitude toward my girlfriend as the relationship progresses (I think it is quite common that some people display a very positive attitude toward their special someone, actively suppressing any pathological behaviour, in the beginning of the relationship and then gradually start to drift back to what they were used to); I am always as nice to her as I was at the beginning of our relationship, no drifting here. I do not know whether this solution is correct or not, but it certainly worked for me.

P.S.: Emotional detachment does not mean that I do not care about that relationship, relationship maintenance ranks very high on my preference list; the difference is that I do not view relationship as the most important thing in the universe (for example, self-respect will always be more important for me).