recently divorced from female with aspergers

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I dont really know where to start, but I am looking for any kind of relate-able information on what its like for a neurotypical person who spent time with someone with aspergers. I realize every case is different, but looking just for some understanding after being with someone for 6 years who I felt did not understand me at all. I felt like she just did not "get it" a lot of times. I experienced a lot of frustration at at this point I feel like its impossible to move forward after spending the time I did trying to navigate and calculate every move I made while isolating myself from friends and family because my partner made me feel rather insecure about ever having any kind of emotion. If anyone wants to share their experiences or post a link to anything they found helpful I would appreciate it.
At this point I dont have any contact with my ex so I am looking for ways to meet new people, make new friends, and feel ok with talking about myself and my feelings.
This is my first post, thanks to everyone that shares on this site and for what appears to be a rather large community of people coming together to share and discuss some rather tough topics.

Sorry to hear of your divorce.

A good relationship with someone with Asperger's requires clear and concise communication. Either by talking or texting. Hints and body language and facial expressions often don't work, though every Aspie is different, so some of that may work for the rare individual.

Most people who post here regularly are autistic, so I have a feeling you're not going to get a lot of the sort of feedback you're looking for. There are some parents and relatives and loved ones but not that many that I've seen.

For me personally, I don't really know what it's like as an NT person to have a relationship with someone on the spectrum, I only know it from my perspective as an autistic person which probably won't help you. I don't know your ex-wife or what sort of issues she has or what your communication was like, so it's hard to think of anything to say that's helpful. It sounds like you were profoundly negatively impacted by the relationship, though, by the short description you gave. Have you thought about therapy as a way to work through that?

Also, your wording "female with Asperger's" is a bit off-putting. In a way it dehumanizes your ex-partner: she's a female human (at least I hope she is! ), so a woman. I'm a little nervous of men who refer to women as "females" as you see a lot of that in online communities that are very sexist like incel and MGTOW forums. And Asperger's isn't a diagnosis anymore, it's been replaced with Autism Spectrum Disorder (most use the acronym ASD.) We usually just say "autistic" now, or "person with autism", though I've noticed some around here still use the shorthand "aspie". A better wording would have been either "autistic woman" or "woman with autism".

I don't know how this could help but for whatever it's worth, I'm the NT long term partner of a guy on the autism spectrum, and yes, there are definitely challenges.

Just so I'm clear, you were married for 6 years? How long did you know her before that? Because I'm a little confused that you married someone that you had difficulty communicating with and you didn't notice it.

Don't misunderstand either, I'm not passing judgement, it's just a curiosity because when my partner and I got together it was pretty obvious to me that there was something "different" about him and I put 2 and 2 together fairly quickly. And his autism is pretty mild anyway so pretty hard to detect unless you know him very well.

But yeah, it can be difficult for the NT if you come into a relationship expecting one thing and then you end up with something entirely different. I think our biggest problem that we have is that my partner is absolutely the worst when it comes to time management, so it always falls to me to make plans and keep him herded along to make deadlines and appointments. And then the day comes (say for a doctor's appointment) and he will, of course, have forgotten and he will feel rushed so he'll either get there really late or he'll miss it entirely. And don't even talk about trying to travel. That also falls to me as well.

Anyway this is just an example of things that some couples have. Everyone's challenges are different.

I'm sorry, I can't relate. I'm married to an NT woman and I would never make her feel insecure for feeling "any kind of emotion" as you put it. Moreover, I feel every kind of emotion as I would venture to guess so does everyone here.

If you're divorced and you're NT, I'm confused as to why you're asking these things now; unless you'd like to have a relationship with another woman who has autism?

well, I dunno, I get that you're feeling raw about the end of your relationship, but most of us on this site are going to be predisposed to seeing things from the point of view of your ex. So we're going to be pretty hopeless at offering you the empathy you need.
Unless seeing things from the point of view of your ex is what you are wanting?

Two other big issues.

Many Aspies aren't good with time. We think in terms of events, not time. I'll help you after finishing this puzzle, not help me at 3 PM.

Black/white thinking. We get confused when things become ambiguous, like when they change labels on peanut butter jars.

I’m sorry you & your former partner were incompatible. Relationships can be so confusing. Girl, don’t even get me started...

To be honest, my relationship with my SO is all about verbal and physical communication. We don't read each other's mind. I'm affectionate, so I give hugs to loved ones whenever I can. He's more verbal, but he's mentioned liking my affectionate touches.

I have to be clear and upfront about my desires and my motivations. If he's confused, he'll ask. Though sometimes tries to hide his confusion, so I need to be clear all the time so nothing gets lost in translation. I also explain my thought process and how I reached my end of thought. We usually just talk about random topics together, share our thoughts plainly, and then get distracted by an off-topic idea one of us would have, and would like to consider. (SO: Would ketchup be a smoothie since it's made of tomatoes?)

It's like a simple, open give-and-absorb. He tells me something, I take it at face value, and then I reply with something just as blunt or open. If I get insecure about something, I tell him. When he's curious, he asks. It may not be equivalent exchange, but he'll give me an honest answer as soon as he's turned the question in his head several times over.

I've asked about his thoughts on emotions before, due to some past childhood experience, and my SO says he likes my emotions. I can also tell that he does, because I have a strong sense of empathy and can usually read people at a glance. (I'm the one that socializes and makes sure that my SO doesn't get tired from too much social interaction.)

Apparently he's not cried since he was younger (I have a suspicion that he just expresses his emotions differently than I do), so he appreciates the expressions and reactions I have. He doesn't have a high range of expressions, but as someone who's been observing people for a long time, I can tell what he's feeling. If not, I'll ask. He tells me if he's feeling off. When he's upset, he becomes quiet. He says he wants to be embraced, and asked no questions, until he's ready.

All in all, I've found out that if I'm upset or confused or insecure, one of which he might have caused, then all I have to do is ask him about his thoughts, or tell him about that one thing that he did that hurt my feelings. It's truly easier to be simply upfront. We've been testing each other like this for so long and it works for us.

Not to mention, as someone who feels she's too emotional, the straightforward way my SO and I can communicate is utterly refreshing. I don't need to beat around the bush. I don't need to hide parts of myself. There's no need for me to be confused about reading between the lines. I can be as honest a he is, and just as blunt (thoughtfully, so as to not accidentally hurt his feelings from a badly-worded bluntness). Add in the fact that he likes my expressions, then it's all good.

Not sure if this is the reply you're looking for, but this is what I have. I think it would be better if you have more specific questions so you can narrow down the answers you seek. I was confused as to what message I should type, because there are a lot of experience between my SO and I.

^Wow, that sounds like you really understand us. Maybe there is hope. And welcome to Wrong Planet.